Jimmy: We saw an exciting one last week with Johnny Damage and Chris Bomber last week, Rudy.
Rudolph: That was an amazing fight to see in such an early slot of this tournament.
Jimmy: Damage nearly cracked Bomber�s skull in like a hard-boiled egg with that Riot Driver and likewise for Bomber. Bomber insanely capitalized with a modified Bombs Away into a Rude Awakening nearly turning Damage into a cripple.
Rudolph: And now they�re forced to compete together for one single UWA Survivor ring!

(I THINK. THEY SHOOT. �CAUSE THEY WANT IT!!!!! President Kingsly raises his arms in the air as the fans detonate for one-half of the presidential executives of the Ultimate Wrestling Alliance. Kingsly walks to the ring with a look of determination and is tossed a microphone.)

President Kingsly: Now this is the classic case of a common denominator. For those of you who have never taken a math course in your life, we have two hardcore wrestlers and we have one normal style match.

(Kingsly rubs his chin)

President Kingsly: Now this isn�t right. This match is now deemed hardcore rules. Johnny Damage and Chainsaw Masaca! TONIGHT! RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

(Kingsly tosses the mic to the outside and waits in the ring.)

(�Hardcore Hooligan� by Business begins to blare and the beautiful Alexis emerge from the curtains with the skimpiest possible Mrs. Clause uniform that�s aloud on tv. She raises her tiny arms into the air and points back to Johnny Damage who snarls at the camera.)

Rudolph: What�s this that Damage is dragging behind him?
Jimmy: It looks like a santa clause bag of gifts!

(Johnny Damage drags a heavy sac of miscellaneous items to the ring. Damage and Alexis step into the ring and just like last card, Kingsly and Damage spark up a conversation. President Kingsly puts out his hand and Johnny Damage shakes it while giving his patented snarl. Alexis is showing off her assets.)

(LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET�S GET READY TO RU---- DESTROY!!! Just Bring it! �Suck It Up� by HED begins to play and Chainsaw Masaca walks to the ring with a chainsaw in hand. He pulls a string and the chainsaw wildly is swung around as the fans go wild! Masaca makes it to the ring and starts cutting up a piece of the canvas! The canvas slowly is split and the chainsaw is stuck in the hard-canvas! Chainsaw Masaca tries to pull it out and Damage finds his opportunity to strike. He runs and springs off the ropes and lands a drop-kick on the top of Chainsaw Masaca�s head! Masaca somersaults backwards letting go of his precious chainsaw!)

Jimmy: The Ultimate Wrestling Alliance is getting crazier and crazier! We saw Hogan before pulling out secret hidden turnbuckle weapons! And now Chainsaw Masaca is chopping the ring up like a piece of lumber with his chainsaw!)
Rudolph: What are we going to see next, maybe an astronaut falling down here from a space shuttle!
Jimmy: Well there was Trent Greene a former astronaut we had in the UWA.
Rudolph: SHUT UP.

(Johnny Damage reaches into his bag of goodies and pulls out two frying pans! Damage starts pretending like there�s a stove and just for laughs he pretends to flip a pancake! Masaca gets off the ground and is clanged by two frying pans! Masaca backs up all the way to the entrance way and Damage runs back to his bag of goodies. There are two long strands of barbed wire. Alexis comes into the aid of Johnny Damage and starts tangling Damage up with barbed wire. She secures a knot with a tight fit and Chainsaw Masaca comes in with a stomach shot! But Masaca earns a gash for his efforts from the barbed wire!)

Rudolph: Barbed wire is a good source of defense and offense.

(Alexis on the other side pulls out a table just to give Damage a little edge so he won�t have to look for it as long. Masaca continues his onslaught by swinging Damage into the steel pole on the outside! With extreme force, Damage rolls like an Asian fresh spring roll on the outside and tries to pick up a chair that�s resting on the ground. Masaca growls and laughs by grabbing a handful-of-electric-spiked-blue-hair. Masaca holds Damage�s hair with his left hand and then gives a-huge money shot into the abdomen of Damage completely avoiding the barbed wire. Masaca now stands on top of a mat on the outside and Damage is on the ground feeling the pain of Masaca�s tremendous power. Masaca acts like a king and reigns� But Damage stands up tall and pulls the mat that Masaca was standing from underneath him! Masaca tumbles to the ground and lands on the concrete ground!)

Jimmy: Damage can work with anything. If you give him a toothbrush and toothpaste he can somehow use it as a weapon against his opponent.
Rudolph: And that�s what makes Johnny Damage what he is today. He is the innovator of wrestling moves!

(Masaca is in shock on the ground as Damage perches on the top turnbuckle. He executes a beautiful spinning-missile-dropkick and like a heat-seeking-missile he hits the target. Masaca falls back into the French announcing table and Jimmy and Rudolph laugh because it�s not them)

Jimmy: Ha ah, Frenchies!

(Masaca, for no reason whatsoever, swipes off all the equipment on their table. Damage finds a-two brass knuckles in his bag of goodies and they glimmer in the light. Damage claps them together and starts smashing the face of Chainsaw Masaca turning it into over-ripened cantaloupe. Masaca drops to one knee and Damage charges at him buckling his last leg that he stands on! Masaca purrs like a dog-at-night and Damage tosses Masaca in the ring. Alexis and Damage on the outside both place the table into the ring and Damage says �Love you babe.� She responds� �Are you forgetting something?� Like a hero entering the final battle scene, Johnny Damage is handed the barbed wire and stares at a battered-and-bruised Chainsaw Masaca crawling on the ground like a new-born-baby. Johnny Damage with sweat dripping from his forehead and showing obvious signs of fatigue sets the table in the center of the ring. He wipes the sweat off his brow and fastens Chainsaw Masaca to the table with barbed-wire! Masaca panics the entire time and Damage has a difficult time tying up the hardcore athlete to the table.)

Jimmy: Masaca is tough! It�s not an easy task to tie him up.

(Finally! Masaca swoops the barbed wire one last time and secures Masaca to the table. Johnny Damage looks up. He searches for the highest point possible where he can actually make the Hangover. He looks to the rafters� Good thing it was a relatively small arena he thought to himself. Johnny Damage runs away from the match!)

Jimmy: What the hell!
Rudolph: Where is he going?
Jimmy: This is hardcore rules� There is no count-outs!

(Alexis gets into the ring and slides her hand across the face of Chainsaw Masaca. Masaca is trying his hardest to get out but it�s only giving him more gashes!)

Jimmy: Still no sign of Johnny Damage!

(SUDDENLY! THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!!!)

Jimmy: OH NO! Is this Klyde Kooger Klancey?

(KLYDE KOOGER KLANCEY appears from the curtains and storms to the ring in desperate aid of his teammate Chainsaw Masaca! Alexis quickly scatters the ring and Klancey enters the ring placing his hand undoing the knot of the barbed wire!)

Rudolph: This will spoil Johnny Damage�s plans!

(The camera cut shots to the box office seats where Gary Coleman and President Pondababa watch. In the Phillips Arena this is 10 meters to the left directly above the center of the ring!)

Gary Coleman: What are you doing Damage! Your fight is down below not up here!

(Johnny Damage opens up a window and smells a breath of fresh air. Flash photography is unbelievable! Klancey finally untangles Chainsaw Masaca from the table. Damage jumps with a 300 degree vertical drop from the box office seats!!! Klancey and Masaca look around still in the center of the ring. Damage feels like a bird falling through the broken air� As he spins in a 180 degree splash motion at a 300 degree angle. Klancey and Masaca look up at the last second and is nailed with the highest Hangover possible in the Phillips Arena! Damage catches both Klacney and Masaca but Masaca gets the best of it. Damage falls on Masaca whose shoulders are pinned to the mat with Damage on top!)

1�2�3 (Damage defeats Chainsaw Masaca with the wildest Hangover ever seen!)

Jimmy: OH MY!!!! OH MY!!!! Damage from the rafters! Damage out of nowhere from the rafters!!! Hits his Hangover!!! Damage out of nowhere!
Rudolph: They didn�t see it coming!!! We didn�t see it coming!
Jimmy: AMAZING!!! TRULY AMAZING!

(Johnny Damage lies on the ground motionless beside two of his biggest opponents who also lie motionless on the ground! Alexis rushes the ring and places her hand on the Damage�s face. Damage�s ribs are hurt as Alexis comforts his unconscious body.)

(The EMT�s rush to the ring� They place the man who just fell 46 meters from the rafters on the stretcher all the way to the back. He is gently placed into the ambulance� and the sirens begin to chime. The ambulance starts to move. Destination: Vancouver Hospital and the wonderful free health care of Canada)

Jimmy: What an amazing match we just witnessed there Rudy.

[THE CAMERA GOES TO THE BACK STAGE]

(The Harley Davidson that Dark Avenger drives begins to purr. He steps hard on the gas and it roars like a lion. Dark Avenger is in hot pursuit of the ambulance!)

[BACK TO THE ARENA]

Rudolph: Dark Avenger is following the ambulance that Johnny Damage is in� Why?