We start off with the general belief that Universal Wrassling Federation has some of the worst wrasslers in the WrassleNetwork aside from the Titan Wrassling Federation. This is, of course, before they will soon realize that Cleveland Reynolds, former NGPW King of Karma, will enter the battle in The Northern Star bar. Many a UWF star will be competing in the event, including the likes of Kray Diablos, Pikazap, Sarah Anne, and other mentionable.
A blare of music can be heard coming from the public announcement system set up by Laura Skipper, the waitress and general manager of The Northern Star. Three hundred dollars per show, and twenty per song. The name of the band is Ever Crest, and they play older songs such as 'United States of Whatever', 'Cocaine', and 'Knocking on Heaven's Door'. The man of the story spins on the bar stool and leans in to the woman sitting next to him sipping a Blood Mary.
Lacey Danielle: Hi! How are you doing?
The Cleve: Me? Just ****ing around with the bitches around here. What you got in the drink?
Lacey Danielle: Oh... you know... just a Bloody Mary. Husband left me for an obese woman, and I... I just...
Lacey begins to cry. But why should The Cleve care? Why would he go so far as to attempt to comfort a woman that is obviously just going to be viewed as a rebound ****? That's right. He shouldn't. But just to do it, he wraps his arm around her.
Lacey Danielle: *wipes tear away* Th- thank you...
The Cleve: Oh, don't thank me. I promise, you'll regret it. Do you know why your ****ing husband left you? Do you? It's because you're a ****ing whore. You look like you do crack rock on a daily basis. I'd leave your ass too.
She jerks her body away from Cleveland and tries to slap him. With a catch of the arm, Cleveland uses his other to pick up her Bloody Mary. Before she knows it, her hair is full of tomato juice and spicy beans. Cleveland smiles and walks out of the bar he will be fighting in by the time of the UWF Pay Per View. Lighting a cigarette, He watches as the smoke billows from the end of the cherry as he moves his head to the side so as to not get the smoke in his eyes. Which is when the bouncer walks out.
Big Bouncer Bobby: Is there a problem here? I think you need to go.
The Cleve: Me? Don't worry about it. I was just checking out the ****ing scene, ass nugget. And if you decide you want to come at me, I'll have you know that I'm nothing short of a ****ing wild animal in a fight. So do what you will. By heed my warning.
Paying no attention to Cleveland's suggestion, the large bouncer lunges forth. Reynolds steps to the side to use his own adrenaline against him - and it works. Bobby barrels down to the ground, busting his jaw on the cold concrete.
The Cleve: You couldn't just ****ing listen, could you? **** off, you piece of ****. And call Jenny Craig while you're at it.
[:// Scene Fade \\:]
The night is cold. Rain drops seem to trickle from all angles as Cleveland Reynolds quickly walks through the rain. It's time for the Bar Room Brawl contender competition. Well, not at this exact moment, but damn near. The water moves down from The Cleve's thin hair, down his nose, and drops off of his goatee hair. He glances at The Northern Star bar while listening to Ever Crest. Moving more-so towards the bar, he sees the bouncer outside drinking a Budweiser with his jaw taped.
The Cleve: Heh. He couldn't ****ing be a man about the **** and deal with the ****ing pain...
Walking past the bouncer, Cleveland nods his head. Bobby stares him down as he pushes open the door and enters The Northern Star. Laura Skipper smiles and continues to clean a wine glass as other Chicago locals enter the bar for a few drinks after work. It's only 5 PM, which means there is still two or three hours before UWF's Pay Per View starts. Sitting down in the same spot he was in when he poured the Bloody Mary on the sulking Lacey, he taps the bar with his palm.
Laura Skipper: Hello. What can I do for ya today?
The Cleve: I'd tell you, but you would probably kick me out of this place. So I'll just keep my mouth shut.
Laura Skipper: Well, when you a' in 'ere, if you want to stay in 'ere, you need to orda' a drink.
The Cleve: Listen, bitch. I'm in the UWF Bar Room Brawl. I know you got word on this, and were probably paid an ample amount of money to get this place cleaned up and for all of your **** to be fixed, not to mention what insurance covers. So **** off. Oh, and you can get me a shot of Vodka.
Laura Skipper: Well that's all ya 'ad ta say, wanka!
The bartender chuckles to herself as he digs through the cabinet underneath the bar. She removes a bottle of Absolut Vodka and pours a double shot for The Cleve. She slides it over as Ever Crest begins to play 'Cocaine' by Eric Clapton.
The Cleve: So what is the set up for tonight? I know you mother ****ers plan on staying out of my ****ing way, right?
Laura Skipper: Pe'sonally, I am going ta be behind the ba'. The locals might get a little involved though. They like the scene.
The Cleve: The scene? What ****ing scene? It's going to be me beating the **** out of every mother ****er in sight. Including your wussy little ****ing locals if they so decide to even ****ing look at me in an ill-mannered way. Do you ****ing understand?
Big Bouncer Bobby: Is there a problem in here, Laura?
Laura Skipper: No, I can 'andle this one, Rob.
The Cleve: You wanted more, Bobby? Tell ya what... you leave my sight right now, and I won't **** you up again.
Big Bouncer Bobby: I tripped, you little son of a bitch!
Laura Skipper: There's no reason for all of this. Cleve go ahead and wait ove' there until the othe' guys get 'ere.
The Cleve: Fine... but for future reference, I hate both of you mother ****ers.
[:// Scene Fade \\:]
Keep talking the ****, and they'll all hate you one day. Even the other heels that plan on doing the exact same thing. So when you think about it, using your advantages to make other heels look like baby faces makes you the best in the business. But to be quite honest, there are no real heels in the UWF. Unless, of course, DCDude and others considers himself a true heel, in which case, Cleveland will retire. The aforementioned wrassler enters the bar with Hardy Boy at his side for assistance if he may need it.
DCDude: Everyone sucks and I rule! I should beat up everybody in here right now just to show them how good I am!
Hardy Boy: Yeah you should do that and then go to the UWF arena and beat up everybody there too!
DCDude: Luckily I already beat up that bouncer guy. It was SO easy... geez. Like seriously. I owned his noob ass.
The Cleve: Hey **** suckers. Shut the **** up. No one wants to hear your stupid bull****.
DCDude: Oh look who's back. The Cleve, do you want to get beat up like that other guy? I told you that you better leave and stop trying to make people your bitch. This is my federation. I will win every match ever!
Shaking his head in disbelief, Cleveland turns his attention towards the door, where some guy with one eye, namely Kray Diablos, enters the fray. He takes a seat at the bar on the other side of the man of this story and orders up a drink. The patch on his eye reminds The Cleve of a pirate. Which is snickers at, but quickly forms his face back to being the serious asshole that he really is.
Kray Diablos: I'll have a shot of whiskey. And who is the band playing?
Laura Skipper: Ever Crest. They 'ave been playing the same song now for a while. I think it is called 'Freebird'.
Kray Diablos: No wonder it sucks. Ever think of getting a REAL band out here to do some GOOD work? Damn...
Laura Skipper: Oh! Is that the UWF wrassler known as Nibble Boy?
Kray Diablos: Ugh... Jesus freakin' Christ... so many idiots coming in here thinking they can **** me out of this. Not happening.
Just as was said, Universal Wrassling Franchise legend Nipple Boy strides in to The Northern Star with his accolades in hand. The Marshall Mathers look-a-like leans up against a wall near the pool table and watches on. Soon enough, people like Dynamic Derek Daniels, Savage, Veratas, Sarah Anne, One and Only, and Robin Rose push their way in to The Northern Star to cement their places in the brawl that is to take place within an hour.
The Cleve: What the **** is this ****?
DCDude: It doesn't matter because you will lose! I will be the one to kick you out of UWF no matter how much you like it or not, pansy!
The Cleve: Oh look... it's Pikacrap. I wonder what the **** he thinks he's doing in this ****ing bar. SURELY not trying to compete in THIS thing...
DCDude: Haha, Pikazap would own you in every way you can think of, you stupid son of a bitch! I am going to beat your ass when this starts and make everyone scared! I am deadly! So deadly, I can kill you and make it look like you did nothing to fight back, loser!
While DCDude continues to verbally assault Cleveland Reynolds, and while Hardy Boy snickers at each and every line, agreeing with his apparent master, The Cleve puts one foot in front of the other and strides towards Laura Skipper, who is beginning to serve drinks again.
Laura Skipper: It is going to begin soon, mate. Want a drink before it starts?
The Cleve: To be honest, you don't want to give me a ****ing drink. I'd break it's container over your head and then piss on you for the fun of it. Your best bet would be to **** off and never talk to me ever again. Ever. Unless you're wanting me to deflower you. In which case, I might listen to your annoying voice for fifteen minutes.
[:// Scene Fade \\:]
Beer bottles are being thrown around as if it is the veggie-fest or something of the sort. Alcohol can be seen flying upwards as the crowd in the bar and the fans surrounding jump in to the battle. Of course, the other UWF wrasslers keep their distance to save the energy for the fight later. If you didn't realize, Cleveland Reynolds said something not taken lightly by the locals and is finding himself in a bad situation.
The Cleve: Get the **** off of me, you drunk whores!
Atomic Anthony: Are you out of your mind? I'd school you on a wrassling match!
Benevolent Ben: Yeah, so get the hell out of Chicago!
Cool Carlton: We're going to go A to Z on your ass, idiot!
Deadly Daniel: You don't want none of us, playa! We would turr it up in hurr!
Elegant Eric: Thay, do you like, think we could jutht like, chill out?
Fireman Fred: No! We need to beat the **** out of this mother ****er to let him know where the **** he is!
German Gerald: Aknovoi ifnek!
Hot Heather: You're ugly anyway, you stupid piece of crap! I wouldn't do you if you had ten thousand dollars!
Igloo Ian: I'm about to ice this dude out! Throw me one of them Coors Lights!
Javelin Justin: Uhhh... so like... dudes... do we HAVE to beat this guy up? Couldn't we just like... smoke some pot, dudes?
Killer Kevin: Yeah! Weeeeeeeeeeeee doggy! Let's get at 'em! That's a ten four, sum-bitch pile of monkey nuts!
Little Leroy: Let's just beat da **** out dis ******! **** dat!
Macabre Mark: I... hate my life. So we should... tie him to the bar and torture him...
Null Nicholas: Durrrr....
Onyx Oliver: H@rd @s @ r0ck! L3t's pwn this n00b!
Purging Paul: We can remove him from this bar and have our way with him in the parking lot!
Queer Quincy: Queer means weird. And this... this is weird. And mysterious. And brooding.
Ravishing Robert: I'm better than you. And I'm sexier than you. Now **** with me, bitch!
Silly Samuel: So we can take him out to the parking lot and do it illegally? Yeah, THAT's a good idea!
Tortured Todd: My soul hates you! My God hates you! Come, Macabre Mark, let's go to UWF as a tag team and beat the **** out of people!
Unloved Uncle: What about me? Is there anyone that loves me? I feel so... so... unloved!
Vicious Veronica: I love you, Uncle. I love you laying in a pool of blood on your back! Mwuahahahahaha!
Weed Willy: Is this the right spot? Beerfest! Potfest! Dukes of Hazzard! Guitars!
Xtreme Xavier: Where are the ladders! Where are they at! Chairs! Ladders! Tables! Barbed Wire Bats! EXTREME!
Yo-Yo Yvonne: To the outside! Where I will choke him out with my patented Rock The Cradle! Or my Walk the Dog!
Zebra Zane: A stomp a hot damn mud hole in his ass!
The Cleve: Are all of you just going to yell and **** like that, you stupid mother ****ers!? Chill the **** out!
Cleveland Reynolds, using what he can to escape, pushes away from them with his legs. Pikazap, Dynamic Derek Daniels, DCDude, Hardy Boy, Kray Diablos, Nipple Boy, Veratas, Savage, Robin Rose, and One and Only watch on as The Cleve dashes out of The Northern Star in an effort to get out of harm's way. Upon arriving to the outside of the bar, all twenty six indy wrasslers follow with beer bottles, bar stools, microphone stands, drums, and other random weapons follow.
The Cleve: Okay, ****ing seriously. Chill the **** out. Or else... I'm going to have to kill every one of you. And that's the God honest ****ing truth.
Onyx Oliver: S0 u c@n+ t0t@lly pwn 0ur m4d sk1llz!?
Growing tired of the situation and just wanting to make it back in to bar with all of his limbs in tact, The Cleve reveals a plan that was to be used later in the night when he felt as if he were going to lose the Bar Room Brawl. He shows off the dynamite strapped to his chest and walks closer to the congregation of indy's.
The Cleve: So do any of you want to **** with me now? What? That's what I thought. Now if I see any of you ****ers in there, I'm blowing every one to ****ing hell with my black hearted ass! You got that? Emo guy! You got that ****?
Unloved Uncle: *whimpering* I do... sadly... it's because you don't love me, isn't it?
The Cleve: God damnit... Jesus ****ing Christ... what am I going to do about idiots like you? Don't come back in to the ****ing bar. Or everyone dies! DIES!
[:// Scene Fade \\:]
The mood is hectic, of course. Now that the bar room brawl has begun, the likes of Pikazap and Kray Diablos are going paw to hand. The Innovator of Electricity delivers a move he used to be famous for - a boxing style uppercut punch. Kray fires back with a mixed martial arts style low kick to the knee, buckling The Zap's knees, followed by him delivering a one arm grabbed body slam.
Kray Diablos: I don't play any damn games, Pikazap. Time for you to put up or shut up, ass wipe. Oh, and to add insult to injury, you and The Schizophrenic Clown suck. It's the reason you lost to... ugh... No Limit and Grigori Rasputin. You're both failures.
Pikazap: That is not true! I am the Innovator of Sexiness! I am Pikazap! Galactic Boxing Champion! No one can hold a candle to my talent and skills!
Kray Diablos: Get off of your own feeble excuse for a ****, Pikazap. You are nothing to anyone in this Network, do you understand me? You suck. End of story.
The only assigned camera man switches over to Cleveland Reynolds and DCDude, who are battling while Hardy Boy sits back and drinks a brew. Demolition Crew Dude delivers an elbow to the sternum of UWF's Most Hated Mother ****er as he backs up in agony. He reveals the dynamite strapped to his chest in hopes that the newcomer to the Wrassle Network would back off. But alas, how can you teach someone that does not want to learn?
DCDude: I will own you in any way possible! I told you to stop trying to make people your bitch when you first came here, and now you want to try to continue it? You need to take your ass back somewhere else before I end your career!
The Cleve: You can't possibly be ****ing serious, can you? Do yourself a favor, DC. Go to that Master of the Squared Circle arcade game you like to play, spend all of your little tokens and quarters on that piece of **** game and get the **** out of this one.
DCDude: Oh you just ended your career with that last statement, son! I am about to do some kind of top-of-bar jackhammer on your ass, using my environment in my favor to do more damage against you. You're lucky I don't use my trump card and take you out now!
DC points to his ally Hardy Boy, who is now attempting to hit on the manager of The Northern Star, the Aussie Bombshell, Laura Skipper.
Laura Skipper: What do ya think you are tryin' ta do, mate?
Hardy Boy: I'm serious! My **** can put a donkey to shame! Wanna see? Wanna see? Please?
The camera man turns the attention to Veratas and Nipple Boy. Nippz is on the ground after having been smacked in the back of the head with a bar stool. The remains of the said object can be seen scattered amongst the unswept floor of The Northern Star. The UWF Legend's head release the proverbial warm crimson liquid.
Veratas: I know you don't want none of this, esse! Loco vato!
Nipple Boy: *is unconcious*
Enough of that. No one wants to see some Mexican, maybe he is or isn't, beat up on a white guy that wants to be black without a shirt. So we turn our attention to Sarah Anne, Robin Rose, Dynamic Derek Daniels, and Savage. The four of them roll around on the ground as if they were having some kind of lesbian mud wrestling match. Of course, the only lesbian in the equation is Sarah Anne... ... well, that's what others have told me. I really don't know. But you have to admit... she DOES look a little Amazon-ish, does she not?
Robin Rose: Why do people always compare me to Will Morris? I am NOT Will Morris, damnit! Get that out of all of your heads! Now! And just to prove myself, I remember when I took out The Cleve when he thought he was hot **** when he came back. That's how good I am.
Sarah Anne: Hey Robin... no one gives a ****. Shut the hell up fight!
Showing her Amazon-ish lifestyle come in to play, Sarah Anne tackles Robin Rose as if she were a lion on crack preying on a zebra - the zebra being a simple and ineffective heroin addict. Sarah rips away at Robin's face with his/her extended finger nails, which can be easily mistaken for claws and such.
Dynamic Derek Daniels: You really don't want any of this, Savage. Remember how many matches you threw? You suck, man. Get over it.
Savage: If I sucked, why would I have so many awar--
Before Savage can finish his statement, 3D delivers a swift knockout punch. Savage falls back, hitting his head on the edge of the stage as Derek turns his attention to The Cleve and DCDude, who are doing nothing more than arguing about the situation at hand.
The Cleve: Dude... seriously. You suck. Just go away. Nobody wants to see your ****ing wannabe ass fighting in a bar when you know as well as any other mother ****er that you would get your ass handed to you whenever I so decide to do such.
Dynamic Derek Daniels: Hey dumbass! Shut the hell up and stop bitching about how much better you are than everyone else!
[:// Scene Fade \\:]
Phil Marlowe: The action is raging on! Little Clevey is taking the aggression towards Dynamic Derek Daniels as he continues to kick at his damn near broken body!
Bobby Knight: You know, there comes a time when you just have to give up on a certain superstar. And that superstar would definitely have to be 3D. I mean seriously, what has he done to impress since he got back to the UWF? Nothing at all.
Phil Marlowe: I disagree. He and Bobby Saxxon I think it was used to own the tag team division. And in my opinion, he's proving himself to be quite the in ring competitor. But then again... it's apparent that bars is Cleve Land, and Derek is about to get a one way ticket out of it.
While the commentators continue, DCDude, of all people, dropkicks Pikazap. He hurdles out of The Northern Star's door and out in to the parking lot, where Nipple Boy follows. Of course, he probably wants to soften him up for the match later that he has against The Schizophrenic Clown for the UWF Undisputed Championship. Kray Diablos, gleeful at the fact that Nippz is out of the match, turns his attention to Veratas, who has been getting a somewhat easy run.
Phil Marlowe: And Kray just cold cocked Veratas!
Bobby Knight: That's what you get when you try to hide from a fight, Phillip. Veratas has no business being in such a brawl like this. And the only reason he's in it is because he probably kissed some ass.
Phil Marlowe: Well, if we can turn our attention to Sarah Anne real fast, she is pummeling on Robin Rose! And One and Only is watching on trying to regain some stamina!
Bobby Knight: Well wouldn't you? If you were in a bar like this, and there was a huge fight, would you not try to keep your adrenaline as high as possible with the intent to come in for the kill at a later point in time?
Phil Marlowe: Wait... you're such a hypocrite! You just said something about Veratas, and One and Only is doing the exact same thing he was!
Not anymore, that's for sure. DCDude takes care of the situation with a bounding clothesline, knocking One and Only over the bar and in to the area where the alcohol is served. Laura Skipper leaps back holding her hands close to her mouth in shock as the bottles of Jack Daniels, Hypnotic, Jagermeister, and many other beverages. Moving back to the area where The Cleve is handling Dynamic Derek Daniels, 3D pushes UWF's Most Hated Mother ****er away with his legs and pops to his feet.
Phil Marlowe: 3D just may be in control at this point...
Bobby Knight: I highly doubt it. He's definitely lost a step - where as The Cleve is the best and there's nothing more to it.
Phil Marlowe: I wouldn't go that far... remember when all he did was yap about Blake Orion and never acted on it...
Bobby Knight: Oh, please. Cheap heat is the best. He knows that, and that is why he did it. He knows that and so does Blake. Too bad though. I would have loved to see both of them beat the hell out of each other for my amusement.
Phil Marlowe: Oh, and here's a fun fact for all of you. Blake Orion and Little Clevey are BOTH in WIA. A stable created by Francis H Doubleday.
Bobby Knight: Pfffft. That means nothing. Nothing at all, ass hat.
[:// Scene Fade \\:]
Deep in the heart of The Northern Star, Little Clevey and DCDude are standing. Sarah Anne and DC had already sent One and Only and Robin Rose on their way, and Dynamic Derek Daniels is using the conveniently placed restroom on the opposite side of the bar. Cleveland Reynolds smacks Sarah Anne like the Amazon bitch he believes her to be. Because The Cleve doesn't hit women. He finds it immoral to do more than hurt their feelings with words and drinks that mess up their dresses.
The Cleve: You got something to say now, biatch!?
Sarah Anne: You've GOT to be kidding me.
The Cleve: Nope. The Cleve is dead ****ing serious. You suck, and I should slit your throat for even looking at me, whore.
DCDude: I am the best and no one can beat me! Because if they tried, I would kill everyone! Hahaha!
Hardy Boy: Yeah, DC, you are so right. Maybe we can kill everyone in the world and then own it! That would be awesome!
DCDude: I know it would. And then, we can crossbreed a new life form, because that's how cool I am!
A Haley-esque C U Next Tuesday later, and DCDude is unconcious. He is dragged to safety by his soul mate, in the eyes and opinions of the entire UWF, outside of The Northern Star. Thus leaving Sarah Anne and Little Clevey in the mix. Oh, and Dynamic Derek Daniels, who is still in the restroom.
Sarah Anne: How about this? We make an alliance, take out 3D, and THEN go after eachother?
The Cleve: ......No. I wouldn't team with you if my life depended on it, slut. And plus, to add to that, you're a skanky bottom feeding ****.
Dynamic Derek Daniels: Behold! I have returned to destroy all of you! Yeah... or something like that.
The Cleve: No one cares, ass hat. **** off.
Sarah Anne: ****! I'm done with this petty arguing. If we're going to fight, we need to do it.
Remember when The Cleve had TNT strapped to him? It comes in to play about.... now. He removes it from his chest and pulls the chord, giving the three around five and a half seconds to get out of The Northern Star. As soon as they do, explosions can be seen from the background as the three fall unconscious, with Cleveland Reynolds tumbling down a hill and dislocating damn near every bone in his body.
And to turn our heads to a different being, the extra camera man cuts his on, making the recording trucks switch to the aforementioned camera.
Chain Reaction: It's my time then...
