My buddy Marshall went on vacation in Germany. More specifically, he went to Frankfurt. While he was gone, he sent us all emails telling us about his travels. And I've decided to post them here on my journal site so they remain preserved for all time. Plus, it allows you to know what's going on in some of my friends lives! Enjoy!
Day 1
arrived in frankfurt at 7:30 this morning despite missing my flight from ottawa (it was the fault of the forgetful-mothballed-low-selfesteemed-cabbie-with-the-penchant-for-saying-oh-my-god!-pttht!-whew!-while-genuflecting-and-driving-like-a-mad-man-who-loves-to-wear-hyper-blue-sweats-with-a-burgundy-lounge lizard/pool hall-type-shirt. anyway, shared the flight with a retired canadian assisting with the stabalization of bosnia and an alcoholic housewife from hamburg who preferred to send the air attendent for another glass of red rather than speak to anyone. it's expensive here. 1 euro = $1.90 roughly...a buffet of dried scrambled eggs, day old coffee and weiners cost us 12 euro each...convert it yourself. despite the cost...i'm glad i'm here! i will spend all my money, run up my visa and declare bankruptcy on my return home. love it! :o)
Day 2
actually, i'm still writing about day 1. lol
last nite, myrle and i went for a delicious meal at the Thai Cafe. came to just $20. unfortunately, they couldn't accept my visa or debit card and i didn't have cash. neither did myrle. so, i jokingly told the cashier that i had to run to a bank machine and to "keep her"...meaning myrle. anyway, i followed their directions but still managed to get lost. eventually found the bank machine but couldn't get any money out of it. just as i was leaving the machine, i felt somebody hit me in the back really hard. this was followed by an arm wrapped around my neck. the perpetrator was a skinny little guy around 5ft 5 and weighing about as much as a wet kitten (read that as you wish). he kept sticking his open palm in my face yelling what i assumed was "give me some money!" anyway, i didn't have any money to give him and was totally focussed on getting some for me. so i started walking with him dangling from my neck. i changed direction a couple of times, trying todecide where i should go next. i finally gave the little feller a polite push and firmly told him "no money!" and that was the end of him. but, i arrived back at the restaurant to find some worried faces. i told them that i needed to find another bank so they directed me to the subway. luckily, one of the restaurant staff came with me "not because we don't trust you but to make sure you have money for tomorrow". we made it to the subway and got some money (after a couple of stops so he could tell his friends about my situation and the collateral that i'd left at the restaurant). morale of the story? don't let me spring for the dinner.
the neighbourhood is crawling with sex shops, gambling casino and gambling sex shops (gay kino, anyone?) lol myrle asked what happened in the sex shops. i said i imagined that people probably have sex but was not certain. i've offered to do some research while she is at work with the others. she says i'm very generous. i think i am too. anyway, it's tough to type on these computers here. you know how the french changed their computer keypad to confuse the english? well, the germans have changed their's to confuse the french. oy yoi yoi! there's a lot of search and pecking going on here. anyway, later people...
Day 3
hullo. gray day here in frankfurt. and i haven't adjusted to the hours here. i can't sleep at night. i am forcing myself to stay awake during the day. anyway, here are some marshall facts:
1. germans don't like german food. i've found just one restaurant that openly sells weinerschnitzel. but, it is kinda fun going to an irish pub to be served in english by staff who speak with a german accented irish lilt broken up by the occasional "ja!" or "nein!" i suspect they are german students studying acting. this idea is reinforced by the lackadaisical service provided. right away translates as about 15 minutes. tres cool!
2. frankfurt was heavily bombed during WWII. this makes walking interesting because i'll be tootling along in a totally modern atmosphere and then...BAM!...crossing the street takes me back a few hundred years. modern germans appear to be getting bombed by wine and beer. they don't seem to mind and the buildings generally do not sustain any damage.
3. at the amazing multi-level underground city/subway system located beneath the old city, i had to pay a lady .30 euro to lock me in the stall. i soon found out that the stall doesn't lock, even with her help. peeing is free...unless you're at the train station, then it costs .60 euro.
4. germans are gifted at fitting their grand ideas into very tight spaces. the best example of this is the bar i went in. it contained a huge mahogany bar with the most amazing brass fittings. there were about four tables with about ten stools at the bar. this was all stuffed into a 10 x 10 ft space. there were five people including the bartender in when i looked. the place was packed! lol apparently, germans are obsessed with detail and don't spare the cash no matter how small the space.
5. i think i must have a little german in me. no, it is not uncomfortable sitting, daryle! i mean, the germans love their coffee just the way i do. even the smallest sidewalk coffee vendor proudly puts his beans on display for all. each cup is made fresh and very strong. mm-mmm!
6. most german people speak english well enough to take your money. though i have found that the harder it is for them to speak english, the more the service will cost you.
7. don't be a cheeky monkey with someone who is struggling to speak english while providing service to you. case in point: i was enquiring about renting a car and asked if a canadian driver's licence would be okay. the guy asked to see it. he took a look and said "we're okay with that" i then asked if the german police would be okay with that, too. ooooo! he got mad. he said it should be fine because it's in two languages; one of which is a european language. lol note to self: don't be a cheeky monkey based on someone's phrasing in english if they are going out of their way to help you.
8. i am very perceptive. see following:
- hey myrle. see those two guys arguing across the street? they're gay, y'know.
- you know, marshall. i can't pick a gay man out of a crowd. there's no way i would've been able to tell those guys are gay. how do you know?
- well, when we were walking past the entrance to the subway, the one getting yelled at gave be a reeeeeal good look up an down. the guy yelling at him, his boyfriend, i guess, caught him and gave him a good slap in the back of the head...and there they are.
yessir...i am very perceptive!
that's it for now...on to new adventures.
Day 4
not much new to report today. went to a museum yesterday to see rembrandt studies. it was very interesting to look at the amazingly detailed drawings (some as small as 2 inches square) which evenutally became large paintings. there were several larger studies done in what seemed to be duplicate or triplicate. it speaks of rembrandt's skill that the focus of these studies (a strung up jesus) directed your eye so much so that it took several minutes to notice that horses in the background had been turned around and people had been moved or were missing altogether. i continued on through the museum and was surprized to come across centuries worths of paintings and sculptures by the masters (guess i'm used to canadian museums and their borrowed shows). the oldest piece was by somebody described as the florentine master. it was glazed terracotta tile depicting a saint. the colours were still brilliant after 700 years. i was really impressed by it. i understand after seeing that piece what people mean when they say art has life...this thing breathed (not literally of course).
stopped by the jewish museum today. i couldn't afford the cover charge so continued on to the zoo. a 45 minute walk when you don't get lost (like i did last night). couldn't afford the cover charge there either. lol so i stopped by this internet cafe (these places are on almost every block it seems). i can't get money out of the bank machine because i use a word for my password and never bothered to figure out what the letters are that correspond to the numbers. if anybody can help me out, i'd appreciate it.
almost everything closes on sunday. especially if you're downtown. without tourists and what not to distract you, downtown seems downright scarey. the panhandlers walk right up to you with their crackpipe in hand to ask for money. at least they're honest. they point at the crackpipe to indicate what they want the money for.
still raining here. luckily, the hotel has umbrellas available for the guests. later people, i've got to go find something exciting to do. :o)
Day 5
i forget what i did yesterday...other than not being able to get in anywhere because of the cash problem. oh ya, it's coming back now.
after the museum and zoo travesties, i walked aaaaaallllllll the way back downtown. then myrle and i went for supper with her fellows. it was my first experience having dinner with a bunch of intellectuals and academics. i was afraid, then i thought, "if they really, really bore me or talk about things i don't understand, i'll just leave...even if the food is good." luckily, they dumbed down the conversation enough for me to participate.
i was actually on the hunt for a doctor to marry. everybody there either has their doctorate is in the process of acquiring it. unfortunately, they were already married...unless they were lying to me. dammit! why do i always catch on so slowly!
i forget all their names except for david and tomas. david is from the states somewhere and is very important whereever he is located...well, that's what the long string of titles he listed seemed to say. actually, he was a nice guy...i'm just very jealous because he's achieved alot at such a young age. or, i think he has anyway...he says he has...or the long list of titles says he has.
tomas is from prague. he was very down to earth. he works as a professor at a university there. his wife makes great tiramisu...that's what he says he tells her to her face anyway. in response to my questions, he would also provide very complicated titles and explanations. i would summarize in layman's terms to make sure i understood. i'd laugh because he'd say, "well, we usually don't explain it so clearly or directly, but that's exactly it". that was good for my ego.
one man from somewhere on the indian continent introduced himself to me. i thought he said his name was pushbum. i was going to ask him if he ever admitted that in a gay bar. anyway, i repeated it back to him, "pushbum?" and he said yes. but he didn't talk long. myrle later told me his name is pujpaum. i committed other faux pas' comme ca, but i didn't care since i knew i'd never see any of these people again.
tomas hinted that he was interested in hitting museums and galleries with me after the layman's dissertation i gave about art i have seen in frankfurt. but, i'm going to amsterdam tomorrow so he'll have to go alone. he's working with the group anyway so he can't be running around during the day. i guess i was a breath of fresh air.
being clear and plain, i told the people there that they're not so bad for people who are intellectuals and academics. they took it with the humour with which it was said...i think. lol but, that was a four hour excursion! holy! i really needed that grappa at the end of the evening, i tell ya!
i've started smoking again. i had to find out what german cigarettes taste like. they taste like canadian cigarettes. they are also as addictive as canadian cigarettes. tomorrow, i get to find out what cigarettes taste like in amsterdam. lol damn wierd reasons for smoking!
enough rambling. i'd better get outta here. i'm in the red light district as they call it. internet is cheapest here. part of the reason may be that the owner was out on the street the other night fighting with somebody who was fighting with somebody else. none of them knew each other either. i made sure that i paid before i left. that's all for now folks!
Day 6
Well, I was in Amsterdam yesterday. I found a cheap hotel that was clean and didn't post signs warning against the use of hard drugs in the rooms. The guy from that t.v. show "Lonely Planet", apparently recommends the place although I didn't find out until after I'd decided to rent.
I visited the Anne Frank house. Very interesting experience. Some people seemed to get mad at me for chuckling when I read some of the funnier diary excerpts the curator had placed throughout the house/exhibit. I mean, what's up with that? The place is a celebration of the life of a 14 year old girl who had a sense of humour and hormones raging for the 17 year old boy in hiding with her family. Of course, it is also a reminder that the human race should be on guard to prevent something like that from happening again...but, still, no need to be all morbid about it.
Prior to visiting the Anne Frank house, I got lost. Several times actually. The second last time I was lost, I stopped in a coffee house pretty much across the canal from the house I was looking for. Very weird place. It was full of stereotypical Guidos and Guido-ettes. The girls had the hair, the bustiers, the tight pants and the hooker make-up; the guys were buff, had the tight shirts and pants and were really into macho pose-downs. Anyway, I was very intrigued at first until the guys started flexing while staring at me or shaking their bon-bons. I became un-nerved. I decided I had stumbled into some bizarre role-playing sex club or something. I gulped down my coffee and left.
I think I left the umbrella I'd just purchased there. Amsterdam was damn cold, windy and raining off and on. I was not dressed for the weather. But, I headed out in the rain without my new umbrella--after the Anne Frank house--to visit the Torture Museum. After the Anne Frank house, the exhibits at the Torture Museum made me very afraid of other human beings. The torture stuff really confirmed my opinion for me that people who are drawn to policing professions are twisted mutha-uckers. lol Somebody had stolen the chastity belt. Did you know the original intent of the chastity belt was to prevent the rape of women when they were gone on long voyages alone? Actually, sound like one of those b.s. lines men like to give women, thinking they'll fall for it. lol
Oh ya, before the torture museum, I stopped at the Homomonument. It's a pink concrete triangle in the canal. I took a picture of it through the fence they'd erected around it. I think the guy using the outdoor urinal thought I was taking a picture of him...or at least that's what the panic in his eyes through the view-finder suggested to me. Kidding!
I was going to carry on to the Prostitute Information Centre but decided to head back to the hotel to rest a bit. On the way home, I came across the Madame Toussaud (?) Wax Museum. I thought about going in but changed my mind. I then got lost for the third time since leaving the Torture Museum. I got the crap scared outta me by the sudden movement from a scantily clad women sitting in a window. The second women sitting in a window did not scare me so much. lol They're very friendly and smile and wave...and laugh at you when you go, "Waaugh!".
Got back to the hotel, laid down for a bit and couldn't get back up. So I stayed there till the next day. The next day, I went for an all you can eat breakfast thinking it would energize me since I was still very tired. I looked at the meat and decided to have a bowl of dry cereal and a coffee. 8 euros! Still wasn't feeling very well so I decided to catch the train back to Frankfurt (thought I'd go die where somebody knew me).
On the train, whatever was afflicting me really jumped on me. I was having severe stomach cramps, was perspiring like crazy and felt about ready to up-chuck all over the place. I went in search of the train manager. I asked if there was a doctor or nurse on the train. WELL!!! Talk about a big deal. They sent out an announcement requesting a doctor who speaks english...emergency they stressed several times. Then the train manager, a couple of conductors and some other people escorted me all the way to the front of the train; kicked some businessman out of his cabin and made we wait for the doctor. The doctor arrived and told me there was nothing wrong with me, to go take a crap and look at it...EEEEeeew!!!...which he then repeated to the assembled group. They laughed; I didn't. It's funny in retrospect, but at the time I was in real pain AND embarrassed as hell. I got back to Frankfurt and went to sleep until 5 p.m. I've still got cramps which really ruins my plans for a final night of debauchery in Frankfurt (who, me?).
Marshall Facts:
1. Beige suits are all the rage for men in Frankfurt; beige pants, beige shoes, beige suit jackets and beige overcoats...actually looks pretty sharp.
2. Close cut clothing is the in thing in Frankfurt but, luckily, most people here have the butts...uh...I mean, the body type to pull it off...I mean, carry it off. My personal style of dressing does not work well here because I seem to get a lot of looks conveying curiosity in a "my goodness! will you look at that!" sorta vein.
3.Anything goes for clothing in Amsterdam and my personal style works very well there. I know because some people were talking about the way I was dressed and said it was so cool. They didn't know I speak english so it was fun pretending to be oblivious.
4. It's sometimes difficult to get a coffee in a coffee shop in Amsterdam because the staff are too stoned to remember that they're supposed to make coffee and the customers are too high to remember that they're supposed to order it. When they do make the coffee (after being reminded) they do not make very good coffee. I think they probably do not know what coffee tastes like. There are signs warning customers that joints should be smoked inside the coffee shop and not at the tables on the sidewalk.
5. Internet is free in Amsterdam. Well, it was for me because the lady bartender thought I was cute. When I left the bar, her friends were banging on the window screaming, "come back! where you going? come back!" -laugh- Jeez, those stoners, they're so funny!
6. Animals are allowed in bars in europe; dogs in Frankfurt; cats in Amsterdam.
7. I paid 175 friggin euros to go sleep in Amsterdam!
On that note, I'll sign off. I'll be heading home tomorrow morning. I should be getting home Friday afternoon. Myrle is going to give me some gravol to help me survive the flight. Later people.
Back at home
Well, I'm back in Ottawa! I've decided I'm very fortunate to have such a laid back, easy going nature otherwise I would not have had so much fun in Europe. -grin- I will also need that nature of mine to deal with the impact the trip has had on my visa and bank account. Maybe I'll have a garage sale to raise money. :o)
Got in yesterday two hours ahead of time (went stand-by on an earlier flight). woo hoo! Unfortunately, my luggage stayed on the regularly scheduled flight so I had to wait in the airport for two hours. I knew I was back in Canada though because of the freaks on the flight to Ottawa. The guy originally sitting next to me would not let go of his bag! His carry on bag, you pigs! He wouldn't stow it, he wouldn't let anybody touch it, he wouldn't open it to remove some items so he could place it under his chair...I was concerned that he was a terrorist or something what with him hanging on so desperately to that bag of his. Anyway, since the plane was not full, they gave him another seat so he and his bag could sit together. Then during the flight, this latex lady came and sat beside me (I guess the man fearful for his bag must've sat close to her). She had dyed black hair, black make-up, black nail polish, black latex pants, black latex jacket with white piping...huh? and black shoes. I'm glad I had a book to hide in. The stewardess smiled at me sympathetically several times during the flight.
I got home and decided to have a nap. I woke up at 2 a.m. for about an hour and a half. I woke up again at 6:30 a.m. so I guess I'm pretty much back on Ottawa time. But, if anyone is interested in doing a group trip to Amsterdam, let me know! That city is like being in a huge fair...there is always something interesting to see or do, or something interesting happening as you walk along. Not to mention the historic beauty that it has to offer. :o) It is definitely a city you have to see with friends. Anyway, bankruptcy proceeding don't take all that long so I should be ready to go by next spring. LOL
Which reminds me: I have to go to the bank today. Apparently, weird stuff has been going on with my account so I have received notice that I must go in immediately to discuss it with the bank people and change my PIN. Jeez! I wonder what it could be?! -laugh-
Had a wonderful dream this morning. I was in a "pointalist" world (I think that's the word...it's the style of painting in which dots of colour are used to create an image). Anyway, it was a happily colourful world to say the least...and if you've never seen yourself in pointalist form, let me tell you it is weird! I woke up at the part where women in 16th century european dress were waltzing with dobermans. Man! Those dobermans can move! I've decided to interpret the dream as meaning I am ready to go back to work (if I go with my other interpretation, well, I'm sure some of you have already thought "straitjacket that man!" lol). But, time for the real world...