*Note all entries are added cronicological order from the begining of the month to the end. (dd/mm/yy)
(02/07/01)Oh my gawd! You'll never guess who I bumped into last night! Gaurav's older brother Sid! I could have died. I was at the LookOut, a gay bar, and I was having a gay ole time on the balcony, (the LookOut is located on a second floor with a balcony), and I was calling down into the streets at all the hot guys. I was saying stuff like, "Oh my gawd you're hot!" or "Hey sweetie where you going?" or "I like your feet!" Gawd I was plastered! Everyone laughed around me. They said it was the first time they've heard that. But this guy was wearing sandals, and I could see his toes, so that was the first thing that came to mind, 'I like your feet'. Anyways!! Back to Gaurav's older brother Sid! Sid walks by, following two other drunk guys and I call out to them, "Hey boys where you off to?" And out of the three, Sid was the only one that looked back. And I thought I was looking at Gaurav. I almost died!! And I freaked out and said, "hey I know you!" And Sid turned around and kept on walking, and then I yelled out his last name. And he turned around. And I said again, "I know you! Your Gaurav's brother!" And he kind of squinted his eyes and recognized me. And you'll never guess what Sid said, "Hey! You lived with my little brother a few years ago. Oh my gawd, he loves you." Which just broke my little heart. I know Sid didn't mean that literally, like Gaurav's in love with me. But he loved me as a friend, more then a friend, more than a best friend, practically a brother. I miss him, I don't think I'll ever get over Gaurav, it's too hard. Anyways, I said to Sid, "I know you, you live in Hamilton!, I can't remember your name though! Where is Gaurav?" And he said, "He's still in London, what are you doing here?" And I said, "I go to school here now! I'm going to Ottawa U!" I can't remember the entire conversation we had. But I remember yelling down to him that I thought he was Gaurav and that he has his eyes. Gawd, it was like I was looking at Gaurav. If Gaurav was gay, I'd spend the rest of my life with him.
Anways my night doesn't end there, although that majorily raised my buzz! I was on cloud nine! Just after we left the LookOut, we were walking down the street, almost right across the Groove, and we see this guy laying on the street. I walk over cause I'm usually overly helpful in a drunken state. This guy is bleeding from the head. There was alot of blood too! Thick blood, it was clotting. There was already several people standing around, two of them were french and they were yelling in french. And some other guy was yelling, "Hey man, tell me your name! You'll be alright!". I don't think this guy was hit by a car though. It looked like he fell over cause he was soooo drunk. But the ambulance came and that was that. The streets were completely trashed. All you can hear were people laughing, screaming. You could hear alot of bottle busting. Like every 15 seconds a bottle broke. I didn't get home until around 3:30ish. I but on a movie, but fell asleep.
I called my mom today too. We chatted for a bit. I had to tell her that I've decided to stay in Ottawa permanently. Plus I wanted to know when they were moving. Plus I needed to know when my brother was moving back, and we had to plan that weekend out. It's going to cost me in the area of $256 in train tickets alone! And I'm going to need 4 of them! I'm taking two trips to London. On in the end of July and another the week following. I've got to sort through my stuff in storage and bring what I need with me to Ottawa, and the rest of it is going back to my parents. Well, that's all I want to talk about right now, I'm trying to forget about what happened at work, so I'll talk about that tomorrow.
(03/07/01)I had an incredibly horrid time at work last night. First of all, I think it's completely unfair that I have to work all weekend! Second, I really, really didn't want to go in at all yesterday. But I went in, it's not like I had much of a choice. Of course I get there and its busy. There's a new cashier that I haven't seen before. So to start things off, the new cashier turns to me and tells me to open the top safe and see if there are any toonies in there, cause she accidentally locked it. I said there isn't any toonies in there, and that isn't where we keep the change anyway. Then she orders me to go look. And I'm the one in charge!? So I go look and of course there isn't any there. I go back to her and tell her that there isn't any toonies or loonies and that she'll have to do her best with quarters cause we had plenty of those. Then I asked her what she was doing in the safe anyway? Then she gets all defensive and snotty and says: "Well I was suppose to be in charge originally, but they put you in charge." This, coming from her! So after it wasn't so busy I called the assistant manager to complain about the behaviour of his new girl. And the assistant manager tells me they re-hired her. And I asked if she quit or if we fired her. And the assistant manager says, she quit! So now I had an idea what I was dealing with, an ex-employee who was probably going to cause me trouble. So about 45 minutes later, I'm getting backed up. I was doing way too much orders with no help, and this new cashier looks incredibly annoyed and disgusted and the customers see's her reaction and they become impatient with me like I'm not going a good job. So finally she asks me, "What's taking so long?" Like she doesn't know!, and I can see the customer over her shoulder who was asking the same thing, so I tell the customer, "I'm woking on deliveries right now, people at home are also waiting for their food!" I kind of yelled that out there, so the customer and anyone else who was impatient could hear me. Then the cashier gets all bent out of shape. "Look, I'm not the one who asked, so don't give me that attitude." And I looked at her and I said okay. I didn't want to argue with her at this point. And about 2 hours into my shift, we ran out of chicken. There was nothing I could do. I only had 5 breasts and it was another 8 minutes for more chicken. So the cashier turns to me and asks me, while she's looking at my 5 breasts, "can you do a 15 piece?" So I look at the 5 breasts and say, "Yeah, if I cut those into 5 pieces each." and I kind of smiled. And she repeated what I said and then she flipped, "That's it, I've had it with your attitude. Wise cracks... mumble, mumble" And she comes back and walks past me and then she screams at the top of her lungs "FUCK YOU! I don't know who trained you, but you don't know what your damn doing!" And she stroms into the bathroom, and I walk over and she comes out and I said, "So you're leaving?" And she says "Yes, Oh wait, let me call the manager first!". So I said fine. So I do my best to take care of the line up and pack, and then I go back to use the phone to call someone else in, and she's sitting back there, with the computer on. And I ask her, what she's doing with the computer on. And she says, "Look, I know you're trying to be all big and in charge, but leave me alone! What I do is none of your business." I kind of dismissed her statement and asked her again what she's doing on the computer. And she says, "Well, if you must know, I'm waiting for a phone call from somebody, and I'm changing my schedule, if you don't mind." And I said, "Actually I do mind, you shouldn't be on the computer." And then the phone rang and she picked it up and start talking. So I leave and she comes out and tells me the assistant manager wants to talk to me. And she tells me to go home and cool off. I didn't argue with her, but I can't imagine what she meant by that. Anyways, the assistant manager is suppose to call me today, but I'm quiting, just as soon as I get that cashier fired. So that was my night. How was yours?
(09/07/01)First off, I want to tell you about Mike. Mike is a guy who emailed me about my ad on Friday. So I replied back and of course he replied back on Saturday giving me his phone number. So I call him up Sunday afternoon, but he wasn�t there. So I wait, and wait and I keep checking my email every hour. Well, around 8ish, I check my email and Mike sends me an email that says "CALL ME". So I call him up and we ended up talking on the phone for almost 2 hours. We talked about everything under the sun. He mostly did all talking, which is fine with me. He really sounds cute and I think he really, really likes me. He was absolutely flirty. But I�m sure he�s only joking. His roommate answered when I called the first time and she left a note for Mike saying, 'Chad with a cute voice called'. So that�s really weird. I guess I have a good phone voice. Anyways, we�ve agreed to meet downtown at 5:30pm to meet up for dinner at Nickel�s as you know, my favourite restaurant. After that, he wants to watch a movie. The only thing I�m worried about is if he�s going to like me. I mean, he absolutely fell in love with my voice and my personality, but I wonder if he�ll end up liking the whole package? I�ll keep you posted on what happens with him.
Friday night, as you know was the gay cruise. The kick off for gay pride week. After work, I went and got my hair dyed. My original intention was to have my entire head bleached blonde. But that wasn�t going to happen. The hairdresser advised against it. So I went for highlights. So I�ve got bleach blonde highlights. It was kind of weird at first looking at it, but it�s grown on me now. So, after getting highlights, I decided to go downtown to shop for a new outfit for tonight�s cruise. So I bought a pair of carpenter style jeans at the GAP, and I bought two Eddie Bauer shirts, one of which is a light yellow colour. And I also bought new shoes too! Oh, let me tell you about the boi who helped me with my shoes! Damn was he HOT! He was about my height, dark brown to black hair, which was cut short and I�m pretty sure he has curly hair. He was wearing one of those tight polyester short sleeve shirts. It was reddish-orange, and it was patterned. He also wore this nice tight black dressy type pants too. His ass looked great in them. I don�t know his name he didn�t introduce himself. All I know him as is employee number 31. I love his hands. He had beautiful hands. Nice and big, long strong fingers and clean finger nails too.
I always checked his ass out as he walked away getting me more shoes. He had nice broad shoulders too. He even complemented on a pair of shoes I put on. He said, 'Those look good on you, I like those ones' Maybe he said it because he was tired of getting me shoes, but I sure did appreciate the comment. When I finally decided on a pair and I was checking out, I was checking him out. He bent over a lot, cause you know how they try to sell you polish and stuff. And day-yum! What an incredible ass. I was getting hard looking at him. And just to end things nicely, when he was giving back my change, I made sure to feel his hand, and it was so cute. His hands were a bit cold and clammy, but hey, that�s my 31 for yah! (Again, I don�t know his name, so I call him 31).
So I left Rideau around 7:20pm just realizing that I still needed to go home and then get my ass down to Bottoms Up for the boat cruise. The charter bus was leaving at 8:45pm and it was 7:20. Well, needless to say, I got home around 8pm. And I had to get changed, freshen up a bit. I think I took a shower. Anyway, I was in a mad rush. I ended up taking a cab down to Bottom�s Up. But I sure did make it though.
I went downstairs and the first site I see is Geordie. And he doesn�t really acknowledge me. And when he does, he just says hi and that�s it. I think that one single night screwed us up. Oh well, if he wants to have a mood about it, let him. I can just move on with life. The next thing I see is Glen! Or should I say Glenda! Glen was in drag! I couldn�t believe it! He looked good though, very beautiful. Shortly after I asked Geordie if he was going on the cruise, he said no. I asked him why and he said he just didn�t feel like it. Marshall should up about a few minutes later. So I went over and said hello. He said he decided on the last minute that he was going. And I told him, that I was happy that he decided to go. Cause I didn�t know anyone who was! So I said I�d stick close to him all night. Marshall is such a great guy.
When we get to the dock, Tracey, Daryl and Jamie are waiting. Jamie is a great girl! Lots of fun. I think she said she was 26. She�s cool though! So we�re off on the cruise! Marshall offers to buy me a drink right away. Such a sweet heart. It was kind of chilly that night. The wind was blowing and I was starting to get cold. And Marshall offers me his coat! I mean, where did this guy come from? Cloud nine? I said thanks and that I�d be okay. Which was true. I was okay, I warmed up after dancing and stuff. The cruise was fabulous! Lots of fun! The boat docked around 12pm, and we headed back to Bottoms Up.
Nothing exciting was happening there. It was really crowded. So Jamie and I decided to head on down to Club Polo. When we got there, there was a 20 cover charge! Some DJ from Montreal was there. But we didn�t feel like staying so we ventured on down into the market to check out the LookOut. It was happening, so we decided to stick out there. We danced a bit and check out the scene. We left as the bar was closing and she went home and I went home.
The next day, I woke up feeling a bit dry and dehydrated. I hate that feeling. I didn�t do much Saturday. I did some laundry, cleaned the bathroom, checked my email and I went to the grocery store. I took it easy basically. Moya had invited me to her place for a pre-rainbow party. So around 8pm I gave Alexia a phone call to see when she was going to Moya's.
I got to Moya's around 9:30ish. Marshall showed up about 30 minutes later. Followed by two other lesbians. We sat around there until 11pm before heading on over to the Rainbow party. The party was at Lansdowne. It wasn�t anything spectacular, but there were quite a few people there! Joshua and Jamie showed up about an hour after we did. Joshua is this incredibly funny flamer! He flames so well. He�s the type of flamer that I can enjoy. He was making us laugh left and right. He kept on singing, "According to all sources" from Gerri�s latest song, �It�s raining men'. He used it in such a funny context, I guess you�d have to have been there.
We left around 2:30am. We wanted to make it to Club Polo before they served last call. But we didn�t. So we ended up going back to Joshua's. And we sat around there drinking beer until the wee hours of the morning. I was so tired! I didn�t feel like making the trip home, so I spent the night.
The next day, Sunday, I woke up around 1 and left Joshua's to go home, shower and change. But after I got all that done, I was way to tired to go back downtown to watch the Parade. And �according to all sources� the parade wasn�t that good anyway. So I just spent the day resting, and checking my email for a response from Mike.
And, now I�m here, Monday morning, typing this all out for you all. And that�s my weekend in a nut shell!
(11/07/01)So hey, although its a rainy Wednesday morning, I'm in a perky mood today. Well for one thing. I bumped into this other guy that I think is cute. He looks like an inconsiderate asshole that would humilate you in a given chance, but that's what I like about him. He seems so tough and conceded. I find it exciting and sexy. I don't know his name, I should have looked since I was passing him, but I was too busy staring into his eyes and at his brown curly hair. And when he passed, I turned to check him out. He was looking back too, but I think he was looking down the hallway. Anyways, I have a few things to look forward to today. One, I'm going to make a trip up to the 5th floor to see Mez. I get to see my HOTTIE at break and see if makes any further advances. And I get to meet the head cheese here at work today at 1:30pm. So I'm kind of nervous about that. I also have tons of work to do to keep me busy. Yesterday after work, I called Rob. Needless to say he frusterated me within minutes. But it wasn't long before we made concrete plans for him to come over and we'd walk down Bank Street. I said I'd show him the little gay stores. He shows up on time and we're off. Rob has a huge tendency to argue. Which I don't find exciting at all. He's always taking the opposition and he seems to be very narrow minded. He later admitted to this. We didn't find anything interesting down Bank so we walked up Elgin and found a magazine shop with tons of magazines. That's where I picked up the N'Sync Yearbook and a magazine called Blue. Blue is very cool. It has great photographs of men inside. Very nice, it cost me 23 bucks though! The pages have a high gloss finish and the paper is thick. I quickly flipped through it, but I'll have a better chance to look at it sometime today. After leaving the magazine shop, Rob and I decided to head back to my place. We completely forgot about playing Volleyball. So I quickly gave him a few pointers, and basically taught him how to serve and bump and volley the ball. This boy was clueless. He left around 10pm. After that, I played Pictionary with my housemates and I won of course. Noel was my partner and we kicked ass. We were just better drawers. Then I hit the hay. And now I'm here, pretty boring eh?
(12/07/01)My evening was okay. It was cool. I didn't have anything planned for last night. So I was just going to take it easy. Well, needless to say, I got bored. So I jump on-line and chatted on gay.com. I wasn't on there for too long before some guy sends me a private message. Right away he introduces himself as Joe. So I check out his profile and he seems normal. I say that cause not to many people in the chatroom are normal. Anyway, so we chat for a bit and then he offers to talk on the phone. I figured it would be better cause he's a super fast typer. So I call him up. And he sounds okay too. The only thing that bothers me about him is the fact that he cusses all the time! It's kind of erie, it reminds me of my older brother. I don't know why anyone swears at all. What's the point. Anywhozel, we chat for a bit and he seems okay, we get to know each other a bit more. And get this! He's looking for a roommate! Which is way cool, cause I really need a place to stay! So talk about fate huh!? Just before the end of our conversation, he asks me if I want to do someting tomorrow night, which is tonight now, considering I'm typing this today! (Thursday) So this could be interesting, he really seems laid back and down to earth, which is cool. I don't need someone complicated like Rob! So that pretty much sums up my evening. I watch like the first 40 minutes of StarGate last night before I went to sleep. And that's it! C'est Ca!!
(13/07/01)Hey there nothing much happened today other than my bravery with Mez. I figured I'll just post my emails that I had sent to Stacey, instead of re-writing it all.
(email one)I'm feeling brave. I feel like marching right up to the 5th floor and see what the hell the story is. Cause if he continues to snooze, he's going to lose me! hehehe. Not really, but I would prefer Mez over anyone else. I think I will go up there. And just say hello. Hopefully he's not incredibly busy. What if he's wearing his headphones though? Do you think I should tap him on the shoulder? I need some moral support here!
(email two)Oh my gawd!!! I did it! I went up there!! WOO WHO!!!! I went up there, I saw him, his headphones where on, and I just stood beside him until he noticed me. Then I said hey. And then I sat down in the next chair and talked with him. It was nice. Although he forgot a few things I've told him about myself, which isn't good. It could quite possibily mean that he hasn't been thinking of me as much as I have him. :( But I'm so proud of myself. We're going to the same school in the fall. He's soooo great, easy to talk to. I even asked him when he takes lunch. He said he takes lunch from 11:30 to 12 every day. I ask him where he's going to be and he said he could go to the cafe. I was going to ask him if it would be possible for him to take a later lunch, but I didn't want to push my luck! I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it!
(email three)I just got back from the cafe! Obviously I couldn't go down for the entire lunch time. So I left about 10 to 12. I couldn't believe myself. It was like my body was possessed. It was like I had no control over my legs, they were moving straight for him. Then the girls he was sitting with looked up and smiled, (Mez's back was towards me) and then I smiled back and said hello and at the same time, bashfully kicked the back leg of his chair to get his attention. Then we were off! I sat down next to him and we chatted. My gawd, did those 10 minutes fly! It felt like only 2 minutes. I wanted to keep talking to him. So the girls said it was time to leave. So again, I was like possessed and the next thing you know, the words "So what do you normally do on weekends?" came flying out of my mouth. So I thought out loud and mouthed the words. "Oh my gawd, I'm on a roll". I wasn't even sure if anyone saw me saying that cause the girls were well ahead of us and waiting for Mez to catch up. Plus the those girls were all in smiles. I think they knew that I liked Mez, and maybe they thought it was cute. They are a happy bunch of girls in any case! I'm so happy! I'm so excited! I wish he would call me and ask me out sometime this weekend! That would be sweet!
(email four)OH MY GAWD!!!! I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!!! I'M STILL SHAKING!!!! I'M SHAKING!!!! LOOK AT ME!!! I CAN'T EVEN TYPE!!!!! I walked up there, and he was just getting to his desk. Then I walk up behind him and he smiles at me and says, "You're up walking around again?" I ask him what he's up to and he tells me he's just getting ready to leave and stuff. And then I pop the question. "Do you have any plans this weekend?" And he says "Umm, Actually no. Do you?" And then I said, "No, I was just going to ask you if you wanted to do something." And he said said sure. So we walked back to his desk and I gave him my phone number and he gave me his. He spells his name with an 'a'. Maz. I'm so excited! I kind of asked him if he was going to call tonight, but he says he's normally tired after 8:30pm and all I was thinking, I'll sleep with you. Not sleep, sleep like sex, but to just sleep with. Just to have someone to sleep next too. So I hope this weekend ends up being a blast! I sooo want to get to know him! And never leave him! WOO WHO!!!!
(14/07/01)You want drama? Well, I�ve got a shit load of it for you today. But first let me apologize. It is now the 14th, half way through the month and I haven�t updated the log entries for July until now. So you have tons of reading to do. And for that I�m sorry. I know how hard it is to keep you attention sometimes. The latest, biggest and dramatic thing that happened to me this weekend is that my little brother is apparently gay. Go figure. I�m having a little difficulty accepting it myself. I honestly don�t like saying it and I don�t want to have to say it.
My mother called while I was out. Gina was home and took the call. She said my mother sounded a little upset. Well, I didn�t get home until 4 this afternoon. And I didn�t see Gina until after 6. And that�s when she gave me my message. So, it wasn�t for another hour before I called home. Gina and Noel stepped out.
So I called home and my dad answers. I ask him if he called earlier today. And he said no. Then I asked him if mom had called and he said he�d go and check. So my mom gets on the phone and she tells me that my little brother runs away from home! I almost fell over! Then she said, but he just called and he�s okay and he�s with his older brother. What a relief. Then she tells me that he left a note. And I ask her what it said. And she kind of laughs and asks me if I knew what it said. And I said no. So she reads it to me:
I was freaking out. I couldn�t breathe! I felt really bad. And I wanted to deny it. I just didn�t want it to be true! I was scared. And I found it hard to breath. I asked my mom what she felt about it and she thinks it�s not true. She started to give several reasons why he might think he�s gay. So I had to interrupt her and stop her. I basically told her that he probably knows what the truth is. And that she shouldn�t be finding any reasons why he is. I also had to tell her to just listen to him and support him and not to start lecturing him about the bible. It seemed like my mom was getting offended. It seemed like she was expecting me to take her side. So she started to rush me off the phone. So the conversation was short after that.
After I got off the phone tons of things started to run through my mind! What was I going to do? Did I have a responsibility here? Do I tell them that I�m gay? What if my little brother asks me if I�m gay? What do I tell him? What if he wants to leave home and live with me? I didn�t know what to do! All I knew was that I couldn�t come out of the closet now. I couldn�t let my parents know that two of there sons are gay! It was too much. It was too much for me to know that my little brother was gay! Tons of feelings were surfacing that I didn�t know existed! I felt ashamed. I wanted to keep this a secret! I didn�t want anyone to know! I didn�t know where any of these thoughts were coming from! I didn�t want it to be true for all the world. Its really weird! I just don�t know what to do and Kevin isn�t home for me to call him. He won�t be back until Monday. So I�ve got a lot of waiting and thinking to do.
(20/07/01)Oh no, what have I done now? I didn't go to work today! I skipped work! Last night I got bored and so I went to '1 in 10' to pick up the lastest Instinct mag. Which didn't take too long, but I didn't want to go home. So I called up Tracey to see what she was doing and she told me that she was over at Daryl's and that Jamie was with them too. So I figured I'd stop in and check things out.
I got to Daryl's and joined the party in progress. Everyone was already buzzing, and on a Thursday night. Marshall showed up about 30 minutes after I did. And about an hour later we all decided to go down to Centretown Pub for a drink. We got to CP's and shortly after Joshua shows up. I finally broke down and buy a beer. I didn't want to have one in the first place, but everyone else was just having a blast.
About an hour later, we get kind of bored and Jamie and Joshua feel like dancing. And I wasn't having much fun anyway, so I kind of second the idea. It wasn't long before we all decide to go to Club Polo. Jamie, Joshua and I rush out without everyone else and grab a cab. We get down to Club Polo and it isn't happening at all. Tracey and Daryl show up a bit later cause they walked and they seemed a bit upset with the fact that we left them behind.
Anyway, things are dead and Jamie suggests going to the LookOut. But only Joshua and I want to go, so we leave the other to at Club Polo. So the three of us head on over to the LookOut. I didn't have enough money so I told Jamie and Joshua that I would meet them inside cause I had to run to the bank. I did that and get upstairs at the LookOut and Joshua tells me that Jamie left cause there were no girls there. I guess Thursday night's is guys night or something. So Joshua and I ended up staying the entire night and I ended up getting plastered. Moreover, we went back to Polo for last call.
On the way back to Joshua's place we stopped at this Shwarma place. These cooks or whatever were in a flirty mood and Joshua and I flirted back. I can't believe I told one of them to take off their shirt. Could I've been that drunk?
I spent the night at Joshua's and didn't get up until 1pm the next day. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should call in or what! Well, I knew I should have called in. But I just felt to guilty to do it. So I went home and cleaned up. And now I'm here typing it out for you! Cool eh? I just don't want to think about until Monday, I'll deal with it on Monday.
(22/07/01) Hey everyone! Just sitting here trying to squeeze in sometime to tell you about my weekend. Joshua came over this afternoon. I had intitially called him to see if he wanted to go to a movie. But he said he wouldn't have any money til Monday. I was going to suggest paying his way in, but I didn't want him getting use to me paying for stuff for him all the time. So instead, I offered him to come over and spend the afternoon with me. Joshua came over and he checked out my gay magazines, and then we decided to watch "I think I do" (a gay movie) and then we watched a few episodes of Will & Grace. Then he left around 8:30pm or so. So it was a great relaxing afternoon. I love Joshua, he's soooo sweet and damn funny.
I forgot to tell you about Mez! Saturday I cleaned the house all day and did my laundry and did some grocery shopping. I had to clean my room too! You never know what was going to happen! I even hung up 4 posters of JC at the head of my bed. I call it my JC headboard. I love JC. I called Mez that evening to see if he wanted to do something. So we talked on the phone saying, �what do you want to do?� Until finally Mez said he was just going to some over and we�ll decide then. Which was cool. So I ran downstairs and freshened up a bit. Got changed too! I must have changed three times. I know, I know, I�m a loser. He showed up on time and we sat in the living room and watched MTV ICON which featured Janet Jackson. After that was over we decided to go to The Arrow and The Loon, which is a pub on bank. We sat and talked and tried to get to know one another. I told him about myself. Not exactly what I wanted to tell him, but at least something. I�m starting to doubt he�s gay at all. Oh well. I showed him how to play darts! He won the first game and I won the second game. Then we called it a night and that was that. Hopefully we�ll hang out more and more, who knows, maybe we�ll end up sleeping together! :)
Then I chatted on the phone with Mike aka Teddy for about 3 hours today. I gave him a pet name, which is Teddy and it's starting to stick. I think it's a cute name and it goes with his cute voice. We talked about all sorts of things today. Apparently he has this friend that I remind him of. We also talking about jerking off. Which is cool. It was really cute too. He's caught tons of people doing it! But no one's caught him. He seemed to shy away from the subject when I asked him why hasn't anyone caught him. Anyway, long story short, our conversation was sweet. I don't know if Teddy is falling in love with me or what! I like him, I'm starting to like him alot. But the truth is, we haven't even met yet. So I'm not getting attached. But I think he is. I don't want to meet him. I don't want to be rejected I guess. But oh well, what can I do? That's why I'm not getting too attached. I'm going to miss him though if this all ends, but I'll move on. Well, I'm going to bed, I'll chat with you all later.
(23/07/01)I just got to work and I've been freaking out about skipping work on Friday all weekend! Noreen comes over to me and tells me that my boss wants to see me. So I get up and walk to his office, but he already has someone in with them. So I had to wait. Which killed me. I was picturing the worse case scenario. Then he called me in again. I walked in and he asked me where I was on Friday. I told him that I was sick, and that I didn't get any sleep all night until that morning, and I didn't wake up until the afternoon, and that I didn't know whether or not I should have called in. After I finished with my speil he just delivered an overly crabbed lecture and that was that. So that was cool. I felt releived. I mean, I was getting all panicky for nothing. I'm only a student, and it was my first time doing it, no big deal. Anyways, that's all I wanted to say for now.
(24/07/01)I take it, it was hot last night? Sucks to be you eh? Everyone seems to be suffering. Am I the only one in Ottawa that has Central Air? I had to take a nice hot shower this morning to warm up my body!
Kevin and I went to go check out Legally Blonde last night. The movie was good. It was funny. Not a whole lot of cute guys in the movie itself though. I was sitting in the theatre and I thought Teddy was there. It sounded like his voice, but the guy was as tall as me and I knew it couldn't be him, cause he's shorter than I am. But it was freaky just the same.
Speaky of Teddy, I had the most sexiest dream of him last night. The funny thing is, it mostly about his bed. Teddy's bed is super squeaky, and you can hear it squeaking, which I find kind of cute and sexy. Anyways, back to my dream, I won't go into too much detail, cause I don't want to sit here uncomfortable if you know what I mean. But I was over at Teddy's place and I don't know what I was doing, but I wasn't in his room, but he was. And I remember walking towards his room to see what he was up to and I can hear bedsprings. So I peek in and I can only see his legs and feet. I couldn't see hisr... ahem. But his legs were spread open and every now and then I could see his hand massaging his inner thighs and I can hear this little moans over the bedsprings. Needless to say I was completely turned on. And I stood at the door way listening to him masturbate on his bed, it was the most erotic dream I ever had! And I didn't see anything X-rated, I didn't even see an entire naked body! Rest assure it wasn't a wet dream, but it was pretty damn close. It was like I was feeling his orgasm as he was having it. It was an amazing dream.
As you know today is the release of N'sync's new album! Also, in another part of my dream I was running from music store to music store to buy it. But they were all sold out! I was freaking out and getting depressed! Every store, was sold out and I wanted it so bad. So I can't wait to run down to Billing's Bridge and buy my copy! I can't wait!!
(25/07/01)I didn't do much last night, I met up at South Keys with Rob and we watched Jurasic Park III. It was an okay movie. It wasn't all that exciting. I don't think they should have even called it Jurasic Park III, they should have had Jurasic Park in the title, but as a subtitle. But it was still good, still entertaining. That's pretty much it. I talked to Teddy last night for couple hours, he's really cool. I like talking with him, listening to his stories. Well, I'm going to wrap this one up nice and short. Later.
(29/07/01)What a weekend! I don't know where to begin. Let's start from the beginning. I got home from work and waited for Teddy to call me. He finally did later that evening around 7 or so. We talked for an hour. He told me that he went out to dinner with a friend and had a little too much to drink and he was feeling buzzed. I was getting kind of tired and didn't want to talk to him all night. I wanted to go downtown and check out the clubs.
Teddy told me he was hungry and he didn't know what he wanted to eat. I told him to get a sub. About 30 minutes of that, he finally got enough energy to get up and leave. I told him I was going to grab something to eat too. He told me he would give me a call back when he got back. Well, after I got off the phone I gave Joshua a call and he invited me over to his place cause they were all going to the bar. So I said cool and I hopped the next bus.
I got to Joshua's and I was more tired than I thought. He wasn't ready yet so I had to wait. I had a beer in the mean time and eventually joined him upstairs while he was getting ready. Joshua is such an amazing dresser! He bought this dress shirt in Montreal earlier that afternoon that costed $250 dollars! My gawd! But the shirt was awesome. He wore that. Oh and you'll never guess who called that night, Jamie! She went to Manitoba earlier in the week. And she told us that she was about to check out the gay bar there. I wish her luck and told her to be safe and that I missed her. Shortly after all that, we were off down the street. We took a cab to Polo.
The night was like any other night, we bar hopped from the LookOut to Polo. And I ended up back at Joshua's that night. I slept in the same bed as I did the week before. And so did... Joshua. No nothing happened. His bed was all cluttered and he didn't want to clear it off, so he jumped in bed with me. During the night he put his leg over me and his arm. Which I thought was cute.
I woke up around 12 or so and took a cab back to my place. I didn't feel like taking the bus, I was too self conscious of how I might smell. I got home, took a shower, and guess who calls me. My new friend Joshua! He invites me back over to a BBQ they were having. So I hopped the next bus and I was back there again. I was only gone for a couple hours.
The BBQ was hilarious, Joshua didn't know how to cook, so the guests pretty much did all the work. I also got to meet George, Joshua's boyfriend. They suggested going to Montreal later that evening and invited me to go. I said yes. I've never been to Montreal before. So around 7pm, I went back home to pack an over night bag, got changed and headed on back to Joshua's, I got there aroun 8:20pm or so. But when I got there, the trip was cancelled, they decided not to go. That sucked.
So around 9ish, I think about Teddy. I didn't get a chance to talk to him at all, and I imagined that he must of been a bit upset with the fact that I wasn't there when he called me back Friday night. So I called him. He answered and he sounded upset. He sounded annoyed too. I could tell he was upset. His voice was low and he didn't say much. And in the middle of my conversation Joshua comes in and tells me that we were going. I told Teddy were I was and that I pretty much didn't go home since I got there last night. I asked him what was up. And he said nothing. But I knew something was bugging him. I apologized for not calling sooner. And basically told him what I did on Friday night. Then he asked me what I was doing that night. I told him that I might be going to Montreal with a couple of friends. And he just sounded down. I asked him if he was upset about something I did. And he said no, and that he was fine. To make things worse, Joshua needed to use the phone. So I had to let Teddy go. I told him that I would call him right back.
I started to get worried. I didn't know what was going through his mind. I called him right back after Joshua finished with the phone. And he sounded the same. We didn't talk for much longer before I told him that I had to go. I got off the phone with him and I felt bad. I felt bad for going out the night before. I did my best to shrug if off cause I wasn't his boyfriend. And I could pretty much do whatever I wanted right?
Anyway to make a long story short, cause I'm getting tired of typing. We didn't go to Montreal after the 5 time they said we were going, we went to Polo instead. I kept on thinking about Teddy so I emailed him from Polo! Yeah no kidding. I asked him what was wrong, I told him that I was sorry for not calling sooner. I didn't know what was going on and that I wanted to talk about it. I could just sense in his voice that he was upset. I told him that I cared about him and that I wanted to talk to him the next day. And that was that. I tried to enjoy the rest of the night. I did, I didn't drink though. I drank water all night long. Of course I got slack from the rest of the crowd, but oh well. I couldn't drink.
We all ended up back at Joshua's and he offered me my old room again to spend the night. I told him that I should go home and that I had to take care of something. So I went home, check my email and nothing. I went to bed and got up this morning and kept on checking and nothing. I don't know what to think and I don't know why I'm getting so... what's the word? So, caught up in it. I'll keep you bois updated.
(30/07/01) Teddy wrote me this amazing letter regarding the weekend. I can't believe it. Its so sweet. Look at what he said:
"I also apreciate very much the fast that you're worred about how I am, and I suppose it goes without saying, that perhaps you're more insightful about what I feel than I am, myself. The fact that you sensed the dispair in my voice last night only proves to me that you really do care, and that I should have no reason to be worried or frightened... no reason at all."
Isn't that just cute? I could cry. But there's more, look at this:
"... you've been on my mind alot lately too. And yes, I was a little bothered by what happened this weekend. I don't know why it upset me, and I feel so guilty for feeling this way." "...I suppose I was just disappointed, why? Well, I am sure there's a lot of reasons, but for the most part, I guess truly, it's because I take you for granted sometimes, and well, I always expect you to be there." "...I know I shouldn't be doing that."
I think Teddy is so cute! He's finally expressing how he's feeling about me. And I have to admit, I'm starting to get a bit caught up in this all as well. Look at what he says about when I called him Saturday night from Joshua's:
"I began to get worried, and eventually it started to really effect me. Knowing this I realized how much of an influence you've had on me, otherwise, it wouldn't seem to hurt so much. By the time you finally called, I guess i was relieved but at the same time pretty much fed up by that point..." "...I'm truly sorry if I sounded pissed off..."
So what do you guys make of it so far? And here's a few more things he mentioned near the end:
"... I remember not wanting to say goodbye to you last night." "I just have been so preoccupied with the way I was feeling that I didn't feel like I could admit it to myself, let alone you." "It scares me to think I could possibly feel this way about you, but it makes me happy to know it to."
It makes me happy to know it as well. Oh, what's going on here? I can't help but feel more attached to him than I ever have been before. I know better, I shouldn't allow myself to feel this way. Especially since I haven't even met him yet! Well, I'm going to end this one here and give him a call. I sooo want to talk to him. Let him know everything's okay.
