The Journal of Vincent Valentine


I am Vincent Valentine. Perhaps you have heard my name, or had the opportunity to steal a glance in my direction. As you probably know, I am six feet tall, with long black hair, red eyes, a claw, a gun, etceteras, etceteras, etceteras. The only thing that has really changed about me, for the sake of the world's population, was my attire. Now I dress in simple suits, preferably black. I must keep the claw. Frankly, I have dubbed it "cool". I do not find myself very concealing now, evidently, since Meteor's destruction. To my disbelief, I find myself drawing attention. I am a "hero" now. People reach out to shake my hand, or to touch my cape, cheering at any gesture I might make. How they flock around me, screaming my name, a roaring mass of idols desperately seeking acknowledgment from their own true God.

They frighten me. Sad, isn't it? To be paranoid of all the nameless faces, the sickening squeeze of bodies, and the ever greedy, groping hands. I even called an elderly woman a pervert for clinging to my pants. I was ashamed, believe me. I have gained a phobia for crowds, odd, isn't it? I imagine I could not be blamed for the effects experiences bring. The celebration ceremony held for Cloud Strife and the rest of us has permanently scarred whatever part of my mind that is still slightly stable. I do not wish to get into details, but not even a world-wide war could bring so many people to one location for such a long length of time. I think I am trifle deaf now as well. A crowd of that proportion produces enough noise to match that of a mammoth explosion.

Yet, I continued on. I was "rewarded" for my actions against the Planet's assault. I found this bitter, and amusing as well. My vengeance led to a one-hundred thousand gil gift. All of us (I mean Cloud and crew) received such tokens from the people of the world. I was curious. So I went to the award ceremonies, the parades, the parties. Whatever was available. I merely wanted to see what kind of world there would be now.. to see what my life ahead would be like. I was never interviewed like the others. I kept to myself, as normal. And people wonder why I look so shocked when they run up with their "Oh m'gawd, it's Vincent Valentine"s and "It's him! It's him, look!"s and such. Just who are these people, why do they run for me as if I'm a door prize? I am a person who clutches to the shadows on purpose. I do not wish to be attacked when I stick my head out to see if the coast is clear. I am a naturally quiet being. Do you think I should glare a little more? Scare them off? Would a man urinate his trousers if he saw CHAOS by perchance? Or I could follow Cid's advice, and wear a sign that says "Leave me the hell alone". That, unfortunately, is far too obvious.

So after finding that the life of a celebrity is far from what I wanted, I returned (or fled, to be truthful) to Nibelheim. However, upon the sight of another god forsaken crowd, and not wishing to shoot them dead, I left and went south. Cosmo Canyon provided solitude and rest for my aching mind, but it did not last for long. Why can't people realize that I wish to be left alone? I had already sworn not to enter the ShinRa Mansion, and would not take another step in Junon to save my life. The crowds and the people poured on, much to my despair. Three years of such affectionate attention can and will last me for the rest of my life. I left Cosmo Canyon, leaving Red XIII/Nanaki to attend to the village's affairs. I then made a decision. As a thirty-year old man (even though I technically am sixty, I just happen to look the part of a thirty-year old) I finally turned to the woods near Gongaga.

Discovering a clearing not too far from the nearby river, I built myself a house. It's lovely here, the warm sunlight drifting through the lush canopy, green grass and wildflowers blooming everywhere. I had to dispose of any ungodly demon daring to challenge me or bare their ugly little faces anywhere near my dwelling. It keeps my skills sharp, and the presents they leave behind are quiet helpful at times. Once I was monster free, I collected smooth, delicate pebbles from the riverbed, and dug a few paths from my small house's door. One led to my vegetable garden (I have always been a vegetarian), another led to the trail to Gongaga, and the last one led to my water well. I then laid the pebbles upon the dirt, thinking it would be pleasant to a visitor�s eyes. If I ever choose to have guests, that is. I also figured if I ever went blind I could feel the pebbles under my boots, and know where I am going if I ever needed to leave the house. I have been living in the Gongaga area for about two months now, and I can recognize most of the faces of the village people. They know who I am, but they smile and nod. No one has ever responded like the ones in Junon or Nibelheim. Every once in a while I would have a wonderful conversation with someone, but I never really befriended anyone. I was welcomed, and that was comforting enough. I would buy what I needed, say a few words, and leave. Daily routine, really. I like it, though. I do not live in fear of bombardment by the crazy public. I am never bothered, never questioned. My little home is my only companion. Oh, this journal is as well. I have free time at night, and hearing the pen scratch the rough paper makes me feel alive.

I feel lonely at times. I am glad for it, somewhat. It means I am still human, to an extent. I am grateful, very, very grateful for that. I was beginning to think that I was just a shell for CHAOS, which is not the case, it seems. Forgive this paragraph, but it only seemed fitting.

I find myself more in touch with nature than I have been in many years. You see, I had become a Turk when I was only seventeen years old. The scenery I was able to see by this occupation was quite shocking to a teenager used to steel walls and mountains of garbage. I loved and hated the beautiful landscape. I was jealous and fond of the plants and animals. They were free, free of the cold, cruel world I knew. I drifted away from my love/hate relationship with the Planet once I saw blood stain the dirt again. Spilling blood always refreshes your memory of how life really is, of the consequences and the never ending cycles. I forgot the serenity I was able to find. I didn't need it.. not until now. Yes, I walk through the meadows, smelling the flowers, and the woods.. I even climbed a tree, something I cannot remember doing. I have taken off my boots and waded in the river, watching the fish nibble at my toes. I have climbed the waterfall north of my home many times, and watched sunrises and sunsets from the very top. I am alive now.. but as every day dies, I find myself seeking human company. I have tried contacting my old companions, by my PHS shorted out on me. I have no idea of their current locations as of now, and not being a man of electronics, I find myself at a disadvantage.

That is all for tonight. I fear it grows late, and I am tired.



Good morning. Actually, it's more toward the afternoon, but since it's not quite yet there, I'll say good morning. Continuing with the real subject at hand.. I looked back at my last entry before actually writing anything, and I find myself leaving holes and unanswered questions in my three and a half year summary of my life after Meteor. I assume that gives you enough detail of such events that you are not left in the dark. Forgive me if I confuse you.

Where am I now? Under the shade of an enormous oak tree right outside my bedroom window, back against the rough bark, cushioned by the frail, but spongy grass near the base of the trunk. It is a warm summer day, so I chose to go barefoot, my black slacks rolled up to my knees. I have always liked black, even though it carries heat so well.

"Black black black black black. It fits yer damn mood, always so miserable 'n depressed. I feel like that sometimes, but hell man, git a grip! Meteor's gone, the punk's gone, that crazy f@$& Hojo's gone, and yer honey is at rest. Time to live yer life the way it outta be. You're young, go out there and do somethin' constructive! I'll be damned if you mope around like it's the f@$&in' Apocalypse. ....well, it was. WAS is the key word. Just live yer life man, just live yer life. If you worry so damn much it'll be the death of ya!"

That is what Cid said to me last. Look at me now! Yes, I still wear black, but it is not nearly as bad as what it used to be. I am wearing a white shirt today, sleeves rolled up, and unbuttoned because of the heat. I am considering cutting of my hair back to the length I used to have it, but I have had it kept to the middle of my back for so long that it no longer bothers me. Also, I fear I would not do a nice job, since I only have a switchblade and no scissors capable of such a task. I still have my red bandanna to keep my hair out of my eyes. I do not think myself an attractive man, but I was announced the "World's Sexiest Man" in 'Junon's People' magazine a couple of years ago. I still have that article somewhere around here, but that is not important. I used to get hoardes of females holding up signs and wailing their love for me, and this confuses me. They have only seen my face, and they are in love. Would they love me still if they knew who I really am? Could any woman love a mutated being such as I?

I am not a virgin. I was a sly, horny boy, going after anything female from the age of sixteen to twenty-five. I did not taste love until I met Lucretia, and that was doomed from the first day. I will not speak of her, to spare myself. I only wonder what would happen if I fell in love again, if it would really work. Could I find a woman who would not be scared of me if I ever transformed into CHAOS? What could I do if a woman whom I love, and returned it, were terrified of such a monster? Would the people of Gongaga hunt me down?

I am worrying again. I shall continue on. I have now finished building a stable not too far from the house, something I have been working on for the past month. There are Chocobos in this area, and I plan on domesticating one for traveling purposes. Also, it will ease the silence that drowns me daily. I have also finished painting my house. I chose a pale cream. You can easily see it against the trees, but it is not so bright that it hurts the eyes. My house is only one floor, but it is spacious enough for me, and maybe another person. There is also enough room to build a small loft if needed. I do not own a lot of furniture, since I have to build them myself, but I do have a bed, a dresser, and a chair. Eventually, I will have tables, and more chairs, but I must acquire a Chocobo. Then, bringing lumber back home will not be such a difficult chore as it used to be.

I also need to buy more silverware, plates, and cups. If I write it down, I will not forget. I am glad this journal is rather large, it gives me plenty of room to write down everything I wish or need to say. Since I have been saving my gil safely under a floorboard under my bed, I will go out in search of monsters. This means I will have to buy more bullets, but the gil, experience, and extra items are more important. Keeping my supplies up is one of the number one things I have to keep on my toes about.

I fear my vegetable garden hasn't been producing much. It may be too small, or the soil is not fertile enough. I will have to buy fertilizer, and ask the village people for tips on gardening. I will admit, this is my first attempt at this, it seems natural it would be a disaster. I thought of it possible when I first planted it, so I have canned goods and such to eat in cause of failure.

That is all for now. I think I will try catching a Chocobo now.



I have not written any entries for the past two weeks due to my activities, please forgive my neglection. I did catch a Chocobo, though, on the night I went searching, but it had been almost by accident. It had been a dark night, and the full moon was covered to the point where its light hardly did any good. I was walking back home, which was a slow process because of the darkness and the possibility of being attacked. I did not plan on staying so late outside, but I was quite determined to at least encounter a Chocobo. Well, I did, to say the least.

I entered a small area surrounded by trees, but the grass was wild and tall, coming up to my waist. This was a shortcut, but had the potential to be the home of a herd of monsters, or snakes, or anything creepy-crawly. I was prepared, Death Penalty loaded and cocked, Materia in every slot, and I sluggishly started to wade through the growth. The next thing I heard was a tiny squeak, barely even audible. I turned, the night wind blowing my hair and my cloak away, aiming my gun at the sound's source. (Yes, I did keep my cloak.. after all, it keeps one warm on such chilly nights as these. Also, it serves as great protection.)

What I saw surprised me, and I blinked multiple times before lowering my weapon. It was a newborn chicobo. Darling, cute little things, really. I did not wish to frighten it, so I quietly stepped closer, parting the grass that separated us. Pieces of the egg's shell were everywhere, and the chicobo was resting upon a large nest of twigs, grass and moss, it's back turned to me. Where the mother was, I had absolutely no idea, and I assumed she would return soon. Not wishing to be present when she did, or to be discovered by the newborn, I turned away. However, I paused, thinking I saw something. Walking in front of the chicobo, I found that part of the shell was over it's head, covering it's beak and it's eyes. It let out a pathetic chirp, meek, and muffled. Shaking it's head back and forth, it desperately tried to free itself from the shell piece. Unable to turn away, I carefully pulled the piece off, not moving as the chicobo laid eyes on me. It cocked it's head to one side, and another, peering at me intently. It let out a soft "wark!", and I put my finger to my lips.

"Shhh.." I tried softly. Too late. When the wind changed direction, I heard the rapid steps. Looking up, I then saw the mother Chocobo race for me. Fortunately enough for me, I was able to dodge the irate mother, and I threw out some Tantal Greens toward her. Quite stupid, I thought, as she paused to eat, forgetting why she had charged in the first place. I think I chuckled as I turned away. It did not last for long.

I found myself staring straight into the eyes of a male Chocobo. An extremely irate Chocobo.

This male was a little large for a normal Chocobo, but powerfully built. Mud streaked the sun-kissed feathers that normal Chocobos have, and was caked on it's massive claws. It was a beautiful specimen, nonetheless. I hesitated, and then jumped back, landing a few feet from it. Deciding to see if I could avoid an assault, I tried throwing Greens to it. It promptly ignored them. The bird had intelligence, and I instantly admired that in him. He was driven by his maddening temper, and charged just like the mother had. I was ready, though. I pulled out the lasso I had brought with me, swinging it above my head and quickly calculating when I needed to let it go.

Once the Chocobo was close enough, I (I quote Yuffie for this) "let 'er fly". (I will never understand that one! Even the thought of flying turns that child puke green! Oh well, I will pass it as one of those "great mysteries of life".) It reared back once it realized what I intended to do, (I was quite determined to claim this one for my own) but it was too late. The noose caught his beak, and I yanked hard, digging my boots into the earth. I gritted my teeth, expecting a fight. I got a fight, indeed.

My first concern was the rope was too thin, and would break from the force that the Chocobo exerted. I was not ready to give in. I wrapped the rope around my good fist first, thankful for the glove I had put on, and then my clawed one. The Chocobo was slowly winning. I could feel myself being dragged as the Chocobo strained to pull itself free, struggling madly. I dug my boots farther into the dirt, and gave the rope a yank of my own. The Chocobo shrieked in response, and its legs collapsed under him from the brunt of the blow. Apparently, I had caught him off guard. So, I leapt at the opportunity.

The Chocobo thrashed about, trying to get back up, but I would not allow that. (I know, that is cruel, but I was as gentle as I could possibly be to this creature.) I literally pounced on him, first wrapping the rope around his beak a few more times (The last thing I wanted was to be bit to death.) before hog-tying him. He was not a "happy camper", as he continued to wiggle and squirm in spite of his bonds. As for me, I plopped down onto the grass, gasping from exhaustion. Wrestling with a Chocobo only sounds easy, believe me. I wiped the perspiration off my forehead, and turned to look at my catch.

"Must I keep you this way?" I asked him. "It does not have to be so embarrassing if you come quietly."

I think he warked before throwing a tantrum. I remember smirking.

"Ah.. you want to do this the hard way, hmm?"

I checked my Materia. Restore-All... Revive... Mime... Phoenix... Knights of the Round... Counter Attack... Barrier... Comet... Ultima... Lightning and Poison.

"Let's see.. I could fry you.. yum, fried Chocobo.. or maybe poison you.. that is painful... oh! Ultima! Ouch! Big boom right there.."

As I had hoped, he immediately calmed down. I smiled and patted his head.

"Good. The more you cooperate, the better off we are." I then blinked, for the moonlight had caught something lustrous.

I felt through his feathers, and found a delicate gold chain about his neck. Engraved on an attached charm was the word "valient". Or, perhaps, it was his name. Had he escaped from his last master, or let free?

"Valient?" I called softly, and the poor tied-up creature turned his head to me. I chuckled. "That is your name then, hmm?"

He tried to wark, and I paused for a moment, bringing out my switchblade. Valient blinked at me, but did not move as I cut the rope from his beak. I watched him carefully for a moment.

"Now, my friend, I am offering you a warm home, all the Greens you can eat, and you could even go out to flirt with the ladies if you please. However, you have to be willing to work for me, because I am not able to do things with just my own power. I promise it will not be back-breaking work, and I will never abuse you. Is it a deal?"

"Wark!"

"Good! Let's go home, then, shall we?" I untied him, and sure enough, he allowed me upon his back.

He took me home, without any trouble, and I showed him to the stable. Such a smart Chocobo. He pushed the hay I had laid down on the floor into a neat nest, and settled down. I set a bucket of Greens in, and filled his trough with water before going to bed.

I would say it went well, wouldn't you? The next day, Valient and I set up a daily routine. I train him for about an hour each morning and every afternoon, along with feeding and grooming. Once we got the basic commands down, we explored the area together. He was already familiar with the area, but I wanted to test him. After we had ridden for a mile or so through the forest I simply told him to go home. He did.

Afterwards, we have gone out in search of lumber. There is plenty to build a table. Valient has made life a lot easier, and I enjoy his company. He has a feisty, fiery personality that I am adjusting to. I am sure he is adjusting to me as well. I also need to chop firewood. I want to have plenty when winter comes.

That is all for now. The rain that we have been receiving lately does make me tired. I am laying on my bed now, in nothing but boxers. The rain has cooled the hot, muggy weather we had last week. Things are quiet, as normal. I will stop before I fall asleep with the pen in my hand.



I cannot believe this. Even as she sleeps in my bed, not even an arms' length away, I cannot believe what good fortune that has rained upon me. She is surely a gift from above, an angel sent from Heaven to me. Why, I continue to think, why would such a precious little bundle of joy be presented to me? She is just a child. A child! I know nothing of caring for children, but could I turn her to the harsh world? After all, I had discovered her in my stable after checking on Valient. He was throwing an utter fit, and I thought someone was attempting to murder the Chocobo! That is when I ran outside to see that he had been squawking over the young girl. Someone had abandoned her! How that angers me, throwing such an extremely young and delicate life away as if it were worth nothing! My blood boils, and the rage I feel sends tremors through me.. this situation reminded me, faintly, of Lucretia and Sephiroth..

Calm down, Vincent. Unleashing CHAOS is the last thing you need to do, especially with a child around. Breathe in, breathe out. I am all right now. However, I will say that if I ever find the person(s) responsible for this, they will find themselves dealing with CHAOS. Not a very pretty sight, I assure you.

The rain has only increased... I am afraid my garden is going to be ruined, and I have no idea of the conditions of the river. I could barely see my hand in front of my face when I went outside to check on Valient. Also, my roof is leaky. Various things are working to keep the rain from dripping onto my floor. I have recently brought rugs woven of dark earth tones, which I had placed in random areas of the house. I do not wish to see them ruined. I finally have curtains as well! I do not have many windows in my house, but I did want curtains. They are simple, a remarkable tan color, and they block out the sunlight if I find it irritating. I also have built my table, purchased more silverware, plates and cups. I have started on another chair, but that will have to cease. My little one will need a bed. That reminds me.. I need to buy more food, clothing, toys, and a manual on child care. I hope she will continue to sleep for the meantime. The poor thing was delirious and disorientated. It took me nearly an hour to get her to calm down and fall asleep.

...am I really serious about raising this child? I am uncertain of my capabilities as a parent. Also, she will need a mother! I do not have any plans on being wed soon... could I possibly do this alone? Perhaps someone in Gongaga will care for her.. wait. How was my house found? Surely someone would have to know where I live before leaving a child in my stable! ...I do not think it is anyone in Gongaga, or I would recognize the child, to some degree. The thought of some stranger knowing where I live is.. disturbing. It also makes me feel slightly paranoid.. excuse me.

The Death Penalty is at my side now. Having my gun with me gives me a sense of security. My door is locked as well, and the windows shut. I do wish for the girl or I to be endangered in any fashion. I find myself looking back at her, near buried under my thick comforter, snuggling in my mattress, clinging to my pillow. Such a serene, holy look on her small, round face. Her hair is as dark as mine, black like the night.. but her eyes are a pale pea green, of nature, unlike the glowing, haunting green Sephiroth's had been. I do not know her name.. I tried to ask her, but she did not answer. Or, she simply was unable to. Quite young, she may be three years of age, maybe four. She may not remember her name. What could I name her? I must find a beautiful, graceful name for such lovely creature. Ah, she stirs. I must stop to care for her. I will finish this entry at a later date, please forgive my abrupt pause.



Good evening. As I promised, I will finish my last entry. I am rather proud of myself, I actually made time today so that I could finish. It has been three days since I last wrote in this journal. I am euphoric that I did not wait until a month had passed by before I realized that I needed to write an entry in.

The rain died two days ago. I was relieved beyond words. Taking the little one with me, I wrapped her frail form in my cloak, holding her close to me to protect her from the leftover chill. She is rather timid, but a few soothing, comforting words have given me radient smiles and willful nods to my questions and comments. I do not think she fears me, however, she will not speak. I tried to ask her her name, but she merely shook her head. It was like she did not wish to tell me her name, or did not have one to tell. I am also concerned about the possibility of her being mute. Or, if she is scarred to the point where she lost her voice. Maybe she thinks I will throw her away like her last "guardian" did, and being quiet will win my favor. I swear that I will get to her. I pray that I am given the time and patience needed to do so.

I find that I need her even more than before. Her pressence and company is an extreme comfort... it eases this desperate ache, this unknown yearning from deep within my person. I know that is was not the solitude that produced such a feeling. I spent thirty years asleep, where silence and darkness were my closest friends. A desire to be depended on, to be needed, may be the answer...

Only someone hardened from a horrid exsistence, one with skills that surpassed the rest, one incapable of feelings, can become a Turk. Being an orphan, with no guardian whatsoever, I had to fend for myself from day one. I stole whatever I could to merely surive. I got into many fights with the boys of the Sector 6 slums over food, clothing, shelter, even weapons. This was how I learned to fight: the hard way. I became a better fighter fighter as time went by, advancing to the point where most of my peers would withdraw instead of engaging in battle with me. (I did have my defeats as well, I am not invincible. This is between you and I, but my first loss was against a girl. Anyways.)

I received my first gun at age ten. By the time I was sixteen I had killed a handful of men and was known to be an expert sniper. I was actually hired a few times for my services, which I snatched up. The rumors began, eventually traveling up to ShinRa HQ. Like I said, I became a Turk when I was seventeen. Then, a small flicker of hope arose... I could finally have a better life, it seemed. The price was written in blood, but that did not matter to me. I was content with the position. It meant better status (to a degree), better food, better clothing...

Ah, what am I doing? Ranting like a senile ninny... forgive me. I will continue on with the main subject in this entry.

Not wanting to leave her in the house alone, I took Little One (I call her this fondly) out to investigate any damage the rain might have left with me. She clung to my trenchcoat (yes I have a trenchcoat. A black one) as I stepped out. The poor Planet was utterly drenched, but the rain had cleansed and purified it. Everything appeared new, it seemed. Reborn, even.

I told Little One that this is her home now, that she could go and play on sunny days, run through the meadows, ride through the woods on Valient.. whatever she wanted. She is free. This is her world. Unfortunately, she did not answer me in any fashion.

Valient was perfectly fine. Little One eagerly fed him, and let out the most adorable giggle when he gave her cheek an appreciative lick. I realized that she can speak. Can someone who is mute laugh? I do not know, I do not know..

Little One gave Valient a hug, and he let out a soft wark when we left. The stable was in good condition, fortunately. My garden was another story. Correction: I no longer had a garden, I hade a swamp. I paused before turning to leave, and asked if she would like to help me plant next year's crop. She nodded happily, and hugged me. This took me by surprise, and I halted. Then I hugged her back. I remember smiling as I walked back to the house. It was a good time to bathe for the both of us.

"A bath will warm you," I said softly. "and take the dirt off your cheek from running around the stable. After that, we can have lunch. How does that sound to you?"

Littel One had been abandoned remarkably clean. She even smelled of roses, her hair lusterous and full of shine from a good washing. The clothing she wore was homemade, very simple and plain, but well kept and stainless. Not a single patch. Her shoes were of superb quality as well.

Her eyes seemed to light up, and she practically bolted to the bathroom, clock and all. I chuckled and followed her. If the weather permits, I plan on taking Little One shopping soon. There are so many things I wish to give her. Many, many things. Books and dolls.. beautiful dresses.. anything her heart desired.

While the bathing tub was filling up, I began to strip Little One. I checked her delicate little person for bruises, scars, anything of the sort. I did find something, though it was not a bruise or a scar. I found a tattoo.

This struck me as odd. Why would a child have a tattoo? Such a strange place for it to be as well. "01", in strict, uniformed numbers, rested on her lower back. I discarded any negative possibilites for its origin, ignoring the tattoo as I bathed her. Little One did not protest, doing as I asked her, seeming to enjoy it. She pulled the washcloth through the water as if it were a submarine, or a toy.

"Would you like to play for a while?" I asked. She nodded vigorously, her heart-shaped face beaming as she smiled. That is when I noticed the dimple in her left cheek. She is such a darling girl. I wonder what possessed her guardian(s) to do such a horrible thing... I would really like to know. I simply cannot understand it. I need the reasons, the answers, the information. Who is this child, where did she come from? What is her past? I want to pull this dark veil from her, banish the mystery resting about her entire being. ....but how can I unlock Little One without a key?

Anyways.

"Then I will give you privacy, Little One. I will be nearby if you need me."

Smiling at her, I touched her cheek tenderly before standing. However, fear twisted her face, her hand reaching out to grab my hand. She shook her head, peering up at me with her soulful green eyes.

"....please stay," she meekly whispered, her voice so soft that I was not sure if that is what she said. I stood motionless, delightfully shocked. It rendered me temporaily speechless, and I finally reacted at another little "please?".
"Of course, Little One. Whatever you wish," I replied, kneeling down to be at her level.
"M-My name's Malaeh!"

She had blurted it out, this random, out-of-the-blue exclaimation, but this lifted my heart and soul. Little One, my Malaeh, was opening up to me.

"You have a beautiful name." This upset her. Pain filled her eyes, and tears threatened to fall.
"My m-mommy gave it to me." The mention of her mother pushed it. Malaeh began to cry. "It.. it was dark, a-and wet.. I was scared.. m-mommy told me to be quiet... the men.. the bad men kept chasing us..."

I was mortified. It either was her words, or her tears. More than likely, it was both. I jumped to my feet, grabbing a towel to wrap Little One up with. Pulling her from the tub, I held her close.

"Please do not cry, Malaeh. Your tears wound me," I begged. Her heartache would surely mean my death, for I fear I felt it with an incredible intensity that I cannot describe. She sniffled, and buried her face into my neck. I felt her hot tears slide down my throat, and they eventually died away.

Ah, look at the time. Little One will be hungry soon, and I have laundry to finish. The remainder of this entry will be taken cared of as soon as my work is completed. Until then, adieu.



Terribly sorry for the absent, I just haven't had the time to continue scribing my thoughts. Now, if you will please allow me to continue, I will try in earnest to finish. Shall we?

"I miss her.." came the wounded reply from sweet little Malaeh, and she succumbed to emotional exhaustion. Once more, she was the lifeless, mute doll in my arms. Beautiful, yet souless, looking, but never seeing with her glassy green eyes.. glazed over by her pain. It broke my heart, I felt useless and insecure. My "daughter" was in agony, and I, her "father", powerless to end it. Truly, this is the anguish parents feel when they can't help their children. Though a beginning guardian, this is how I reacted.

There's something else about this child, I'm sure of it. Perhaps something deep within my subconcious recognizes that, and pushes me forward to embrace her, to protect her. Maybe Chaos is playing his little mind games again. Damn that bastard that rips and gnaws at the little human that remains within me.

So I dried her off, and put one of my shirts on her. Of course, it was several, several sizes too big, but I smiled as I buttoned it up and rolled up the sleeves. She seemed more relaxed and calm, a bit more responsive as I did this, softly speaking to her. With my comb I gently untangled her raven black hair, struggling to braid it (it was a mess..) before I tied it off with a piece of string.

"Soon.." I promised as I picked her up. "Soon we'll go to town.. and I'll buy you lots of things. Clothes, dolls, books, toys.. whatever I can, including material for your education. That way, you can be happy and grow up to be a wonderful, sophisticated lady. We'll ride on Valient. Would you like that, Malaeh?"

Little One gave me a nod. I tried not to sigh, but be content with her soundless means of communication. She has spoken, I have touched her, in some small, significant way. I suppose the only thing I can do now is gain her trust, and allow the petals of her heart to open on their own.

How I want to help her so. Ahh.. perhaps she's my salvation, that taking care of her will somehow purify my sins, and overcome my weaknesses. Hah. My salvation. Well, I can dream.. I can dream..

So I took her to bed. I don't have a bed for her yet, I'll have to make her one.. but for now, mine had to do. At first I tucked her in, wrapping her up in the warm quilt that I had spread over the sheets I had managed to buy. But before I could tell her goodnight, she made a request of me..

"Don't go."

Again, 'don't go.' She needs someone to hold onto as well...

Of course, I gave into her. Crawling into the bed, I drew her into a protective embrace, making sure the lightly patterned quilet covered her well. Absentmindedly I brushed my lips over her forehead.

"Goodnight, Little One.."
"Good.. night.."

Malaeh fell asleep almost instantly after that, curled up against me, tiny, chubby little fingers buried in my shirt. The warmth that radiated from her was very soothing.. pouring all over my entire body. And then, right there, I had lost my loneliness. I was in euphoria with this pacific sentiment.

I truly had found my home.

Soon, I'm sure, I fell into a deep, blissful sleep... which I would like to do now. Thank you for being patient, little journal. Good night.



End

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