New Rule!
(Monday; March 5, 2007)
Bill Maher's New Rule:
Liberals must stop saying President Bush hasn't asked Americans to
sacrifice for the war on terror:
Now, when I heard George Bush was reading my e-mails, I probably had
the same reaction you did: George Bush can read?! Yes, he can. And
this administration has read your phone records, credit card
statements, mail, Internet logs. I can't tell if they're fighting a
war on terror or producing the next season of "Cheaters." I mail
myself a copy of the Constitution every morning just on the hope
they'll open it and see what it says.
So when it comes to sacrifice, don't kid yourself. You have given up
a lot. You've given up faith in your government's honesty, the
goodwill of people overseas, and six-tenths of the Bill of Rights.
Here's what you've sacrificed: search and seizure, warrants,
self-incrimination, trial by jury, cruel and unusual punishment.
Here's what you have left: handguns, religion, and they can't make
you quarter a British soldier. If Prince Harry invades the Inland
Empire, he has to bring a tent.
You know, in previous wars on the home front made a very different
kind of sacrifice. During World War II, we endured rationing, paid
higher taxes, bought war bonds, and in the interest of national
unity, people even pretended Bob Hope was funny. Right, like you
laughed at him.
Okay, women, donated their silk undergarments so they could be sewn
into parachutes. Can you imagine nowadays a Britney Spears or a
Lindsay Lohan going without underwear? Bad example.
But, look, George Bush has never been too bright about understanding
"fereigners." But he does know Americans. He asked this generation to
sacrifice the things he knew we would not miss: our privacy and our
morality. He let us keep the money. But he made a cynical bet that we
wouldn't much care if we became a "Big Brother" country that has now
tortured a lot of random people.
And yet no one asks the tough questions like, "Is torture necessary?"
"Who will watch the watchers?" "And when does Jack Bauer go to the
bathroom?" I mean, it's been five years. Is he wearing one of those
astronaut diapers?
In conclusion, after 9/11, President Bush told us Osama bin Laden
could run but he couldn't hide. But, then he ran and hid. So, Bush
went to Plan B: pissing on the Constitution and torturing random
people. Conservatives always say the great thing Reagan did was make
us feel good about America again. Well, do you feel good about
America now? I'll give you my answer, and to get it out of me, you
don't even have to hold my head underwater and have a snarling guard
dog rip my nuts off. No, I don't feel very good about that.
They say evil happens when good men do nothing. Well, the Democrats
prove it also happens when mediocre people do nothing.
On the contrary, he's asked us to sacrifice something enormous:
our civil rights.
