“I don’t understand why this is so hard for you….” She mused aloud.
“Look, I just can’t do it. Never could.”
“Did you read the directions?”
He eyed her as if to say I’m not stupid.
“Well, you know… men and directions don’t really go well together.”
“I read the freaking directions!”
She laughed. “Calm down, Ken. It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”
He sighed. “Why the hell did we decide to do this anyway?”
“Because you wanted to. Remember?” She asked, opening the refrigerator.
“Yeah well… I didn’t think you’d take it seriously.”
“Liar.”
He grumbled to himself.
“Does this damage your masculinity complex?”
“What? No! Who the hell cares?! When did this become such a big deal?!”
She laughed.
“This is not funny.”
“Yes it is.” She replied, still laughing. “Oh please, Kenny. You have to admit that it’s just a little bit amusing.”
“A little, maybe. Not nearly as comical as you’re making it seem.”
“That’s because I’m watching it.”
“God woman, will you let it go?!”
Her laughter continued.
He sighed and rolled his eyes. “What now?”
“You’re so funny.”
“I really don’t see how.” He replied, crossing his arms.
“It’s… you’re so sensitive about such a stupid thing!”
“I’m not sensitive about it!”
“Oh please.”
“What? I’m not!”
Kenny’s childish protests only encouraged her fits of laughter.
“Leah, I swear to God. This is the most retarded thing we’ve ever done.”
“I’m having fun!”
“You would.”
“Oh, and what’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, eyeing him.
“I think you know what it means.”
“Oh cut the enigmatic bullshit.”
“It’s true.” A smile graced his lips.
“Yeah, well you’re the one getting all worked up over his complete ineptitude.”
“I am not inept!”
“Fine. Kitchen-related ineptitude.”
“I cook just fine! You never complained before!”
She sighed. “You SUCK at making waffles!”
“It’s not my freakin fault.”
“Kenny, who the hell can you blame?”
“Fuckin waffle mix.”
“Why don’t you write the cooperation? Dear Aunt Jemima, I am writing in regard to a defect in your waffle mix. Even though I followed all the steps accurately, I still could not produce anything remotely resembling a waffle. Please compensate the damage this has caused to my girlfriend’s kitchen.”
“Oh shut up.”
“Please. You’re not the only one who gets to enjoy being sadistic around here.”
“Touché.”
“You know I’m kidding.” She said, hugging him.
“I know.”
“It was pretty funny, though.”
“Can we forget about the waffle fiasco?”
“I mean, when the waffle maker exploded, and everything went flying…”
“Leah…”
“And that small kitchen fire”
“Leah…”
“And when you got electrocuted. I mean at the time I was terrified but now, It’s kinda funny… you had this look on your face I wish I had a camera-”
“Leah!” He interrupted loudly.
“How are you feeling, by the way?”
“I’m fine.”
“Sure you don’t wanna go to the hospital?”
“Positive.”
“Okay. Hey, at least you didn’t lose your hair. This kid I knew in college stuck his fingers in an electrical outlet and he went bald in patches, so he had to shave his head.”
“That was some useful information.”
There was a beat of silence.
“C’mon… you know it was funny when the waffle maker exploded.”
“If I say yes, will you let me live this down?”
She laughed. “Boy, you’re never gonna live this down. Ever.”
“It’s not even that funny!”
“Well I don’t think the time I rear-ended that car full of Army Personnel was funny, but you seem pretty keen on making sure I never forget it.”
Kenny smiled. “That was pretty funny.”
“Oh shut up.”
Kenny laughed. “And they all came out of the car and you started to hyperventilate…”
“It was the freakin army!”
He continued to laugh.
“Yeah, well, you owe me a new waffle maker, Mister.”
“I can do that.”
“You better.”
“Well, what if I don’t?”
“I’ll never, ever sleep with you again.” She replied slow and serious.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Kenny kissed her.
“Ready?” She asked.
He smiled, “ I’m always ready, baby.”
“Good. Go get your shoes.” She said, walking into the foyer.
“Wait – what…”
“Williams Sonoma.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No waffle maker, no sex.”
“I didn’t think you were serious!”
“I was quite fond of that particular appliance.”
“But – I – Leah…” He whimpered.
She laughed. “C’mon. I wanna get one of those things with changeable molds.”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Don’t forget your wallet.”
Kenny zoned back into reality. He wasn’t sure if he’d fallen asleep or not, but he’d definitely drifted out of focus for a while. It was difficult not to have done so, under the circumstances. They’d been going at it since they’d gotten back from the kitchen accessory store and God only knew when that was. That waffle maker had definitely cost him but he didn’t mind so long as she intended on rewarding him like this. He smiled to himself and rolled onto his back. He was surprised to find that Leah was out of bed already. He found her in the kitchen, dressed in a rather amusing combination of a pair of his boxers and a bra.
“What?”
“Nothing. I was looking for those the other day.”
“They were in the laundry. Fair game.”
He nodded. “What are you doing up?”
“For starters, it’s three in the afternoon.”
“Good point.”
“And I really wanted to try out my new waffle maker.”
“I never want to hear about waffles again.” He said, sitting at the kitchen table.
Leah set a plate full of the aforementioned breakfast food on the table in front of him.
“Heart shaped?”
“Something new. Just think of them as lovewaffles.”
“Lovewaffles? Leah, I think you’ve just reached a new level of lame here.”
“Shut up!”
“And just when I didn’t think that was possible.”
She took a waffle and playfully shoved it in his mouth. “Eat the waffle.”
.fin.
Author’s Note: so I felt really bad for Kenny. I put him through SO MUCH and I felt like he deserved a relief. This fun little waffle fiasco amused me too much. And the idea of lovewaffles was too cute to pass up. So here it is. I miss Leah. Maybe I’ll throw this into the actual story. Dunno. Happy!Kenny. happens so rarely.