No medication.

 

Impulse starts then stops then starts again. 

 

Not awake not asleep just here.  Just sitting.  Staring.  STARE.

 

Bright white stares back dissolves into gray mesh.  Letters blurr words bleed sentences run on paragraphs ramble into oblivion.

 

What am I writing?

Why am I writing?

Is this me?

Have I become my sickness?  Step back.  Have I relinquished control again?  control.  Should capitalize it.  Control.  CONTROL.  That’s better. 

 

Short panicked breaths of air.  One two three hold your breath … dive in the water be careful don’t go too far out now you hear me young lady

 

Wade out in the ocean.  Smell of salt and sand I shouldn’t be this far out where’s the shore?

 

Look around, circumspect in a panoramic shot, got that camera one?

 

Nobody.  Nothing.  Nothing but bluish gray ocean as far as the eye can see in every direction. 

Shouldn’t this be deeper?

Water only up to my waist no waves.  It’s cold.  Want to go back don’t know where I am.  How did I get here?

Where did they go?

 

And it’s gone. Train of thought jumped the tracks.  Hop hop hop.  Ow eyes burn.    Wish I could be doing something productive. 

 

Lobsters!  Lobsters in my bathtub. 

You don’t have a bathtub.

Shut up what do you know.

You don’t have a bathtub.

Yeah well why don’tya embarrass me in front of all these people.  Go ahead! 

You still don’t have a bathtub.

Well these lobsters can’t live in the sink!  Quick, get me a bucket!  That’s a POT!  We can’t put them in a POT, they won’t trust us! 

You’re talking about IMGINARY lobsters!

HOW DARE YOU!  It’s okay, she didn’t mean it… look what you did!  Apologize right now.  I don’t care, you won’t be getting dessert unless you say you’re sorry right this instant! 

Oh, hello little friend.  How are you down there?  Tell me, what is the secret of the universe? 

Hmm… that’s interesting.  Never thought of it that way.  You are by far the most intelligent creature I have ever met!  Well thank you.  I’m flattered.  Shall we dance?

 

Oh dear, I seem to have forgotten how to breathe.