| Jokes |
| Laughing is contagious... so pass it on! Send a joke to your friend! Jan: My house is really old. Stan: How can you tell? Jan: Our insurance covers tornados, floods, and Indian raids. [email protected] 4 men got out of a police car and started to walk up to the station. It was pouring rain and 3 out of the 4 got soaked. But the last man stayed dry. How is possible? Answer: The last man was carrying a umbrella! [email protected] Question: What lands as often on its tail as it does on its head? Anser: a penny. [email protected] Question: On the way to a water hole a zebra met 6 giraffes. Each giraffe had 3 monkeys hanging from its neck. Each monkey had 2 birds on its tail. How many animals were going to the water hole? Anser: Only the zebra. All the rest were coming back from the hole. [email protected] Question: What animal walks on 4 feet in the morning, 2 at noon and 3 in the evening? Anser: Man. He walks on all fours as a baby, on two feet when he is grown, and uses a cane in old age. [email protected] Q- What happened to the cow that didn't get enough sleep? A- He kept muttering "zzzzoo, zzzzoo..." [email protected] I left Boston heading toward Montreal hauling my mac26d when I decided to make a pit stop at a comfort station to use the head. The first stall was occupied, so I went into the second one. I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next stall: "Hi, how are you doing?" Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad." And the stranger said: "And, what are you up to?" Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said: "Well, just like you I'm driving east." Then, I heard the stranger, all upset, say, "Look, I'll call you back, there's some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I am asking you." [email protected] REPENT There was a painter by the name of Bob, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin his paint to make it go further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Church decided to do a big restoration job that involved the painting of one of its biggest churches. Bob put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. He went about erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, thinning it down with the turpentine. Bob was up on the scaffolding, painting away with the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened. The torrential rain washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Bob off the scaffold and on to the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Bob was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke... "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!" [email protected] A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold wenter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiring them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a ouple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!" The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order and with no hesitation then paid for their meal. the couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. the little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. then he carefully counted out the French fries, devided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip aand then set the cup down between them. As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd begon to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them. As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to th couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. the old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything. then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her jusband eat and and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady. "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everyting. What is it that you are waiting for?" She answered... "The teeth." [email protected] Two Michigan robins (our state bird, for you "Ohioans") were enjoying the spring weather and after a typical Michigan, spring, rain, these 2 Robins swooped down upon a swarm of worms. After feasting on these fresh worms, filling their little bellies,the Robins basked in the sun.When, out of nowhere, this big, hungry. tom cat, pounced on both Robins and devoured both. Licking his chops, the tom cat paused and gave thought to how much he enjoys....baskin' robins! [email protected] a duck walks into a bar asks 4 crackers bar tender say no. He comes in the next day and the same thing happens. This happens another three times. On the 5th day, bar tender says i'm going to nail your feet to the floor next day duck comes and asks if he has any nails bar tender says no duck says "ok then do you have any crackers?" [email protected] A man and his wife are driving down the road in their car, the man sees a dead possum lying on the road, he turns to his wife and says why did the chicken cross the road? He says "to prove to the possums that it could be done!" :) [email protected] lettuce, tomato and a faucet were in a race. what place did they come in? A: the lettuce was a head, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to catch-up (ketchup) [email protected] A guy walks into a corner store and asks the clerk at the counter,"Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, so he leaves. The next day, he come back, and asks,"Do you have any grapes?" And the clerk answered "no." The next day, he comes back again, and he asks the clerk,"Do you have any grapes?" Again, the clerk says no. He comes back the next day, and he asked the clerk,"Do you have any grapes?" "No, we don't have any grapes," the clerk answered, "and if you ask me that one more time, I'll staple your mouth shut!" So the man leaves. But he comes back the next day. "Do you have any staples?" he asked. "No." "Do you have any grapes?" [email protected] A policeman was directing traffic in the street. He sees an old woman walking across the street. He knew it was time for cars to cross across that part of the road, so he put up his hand to stop the woman from walking any further. She stopped and walked even faster toward him, and he was in the middle of the road. When she got to him, he yelled,"You crazy lady! Why are you in the middle of the road? And don't you know what it means when I put up my hand?" "Of coarse I do," the woman replied. "I have been an elementary teacher for over 30 years now." [email protected] |
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