| Abuse Survivor |
| My name is Cindi and I am a survivor of incest, multiple rapes, domestic violence, emotional, spiritual and verbal abuse. I know how hard it is to face the reality of what has happened and to deal with it in a way that you are able to thrive and not just survive Sometimes the abuse we receive is subtle. I never thought of being controlled as abusive but it is. So is being denied medical care, or money for things you need. Pushing, shoving, name calling, cheating on you, making fun of you especially in front of others, snide remarks about how you look, these are all forms of abuse. The obvious ones are hitting, throwing you around, ruining your stuff, hurting your animals or children, destroying what you hold precious. Now matter the abuser makes it your fault it is not. It is theirs. A lot of times this is how they were brought up, no excuse, we CAN CHANGE. Drugs, alcohol, and abuse of any substance can lead to violence, and you are not to blame. The abuser wants you to feel you are to keep you in their control, in reality it is their problem and you are caught up in their mess. They have a lot of baggage and can't cope so you become their punching bag, verbal outpost, scapegoat and it is WRONG. You did nothing wrong. NO ONE deserves to be abused. It is a lie from them to keep it up. No one has the right to be cruel to you. If you are in that situation, seek help, call your local domestic violence coalition, local ywca, and make a plan of how to escape. It is not easy but your life can depend on it. Need to talk, email me. I am not only a survivor myself but I have a certificate in Biblical Counseling, one in Healthy Sexuality, and one in psychology/social work. I want to be a victim's advocate someday. I know how dark those clouds are and that feeling you are going over the edge without a lifeboat or jacket on, no safety net beneath youI know it is scary and it is hard. I have mpd/did, ptsd, anxiety and depression, I feel I have been depressed all my life, for as long as I can remember, and I cannot remember a lot. I know when I am scared and terrified I hold unto to a teddy bear, I have a couple I use depending on my mood at the time I am scared. I know a lot of you would find a grown adult with a bear funny but growing up with being hugged or the basics met in that area it is not so funny. The sad part is I have trouble to this day hugging, even my children, but we worked out a system to help them when they needed it. Not the best, but....It was the best I could do and they knew I loved them. They are grown up and well adjusted for what we went through for I did not know then that I had mpd/did or ptsd. My son just thought my mood swings were because I was "psycho mom". Oh well I guess I was, lol. At least he joked about it and was not weirded out when I was "psycho mom" guess he knew I was going through something we did not know about. |
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| As sunflowers grow tall and thrive, so can we! |
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A I know it is hard to see yourself as a beautiful flower or a superstar but you are. We have beat down so bad we have no self worth, but we do have worth. You need to learn to love yourself, and I know that is hard and that involves taking time for yourself without feeling selfish about it because you need it. Stress does no one any good. I started out buying myself flowers when I could afford it for I love flowers, and when they dried I put them in a wicker basket for potpourri. I took walks on the beach when I could or in the woods, and took pictures so I could capture the beauty of nature. For me nature is soothing. So is music. I like Zen Garden for it is instrumental and incorporates nature sounds in their music. Find some way to have alone time, I know it is hard to do with children. A bubblebath with scented candles is relaxing. Cuddling up with a good book is too. If you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes do it. You need to have time to regevinate yourself as the day goes by. My therapist made me a tape by Dr. Bernie Segal on self affirmations, I highly recommend it. You can find it at half.com I believe and overstock.com had some on cd that I got one in that format too. Have fun, let your inner child out and play, especially if you have children, I wish I knew about that when my were small it is such a blessing to them and to you. It is hard learning new things but you are not alone, I will be glad to email you. Email me: [email protected] |
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| there are days you feel like you are falling off a cliff with no lifeboat or life jacket. |
| www.mariska.com |
| www.joyfulfoundation.org |
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