A VIEW FROM THE CHEAP SEATS
By Rich Trzupek
The Customers Always Write
One never knows what subject is going to prompt reader response, or at least this one doesn�t. Sometimes I think I really nailed it and just a chorus of yawns. Other times, I�m sure that I just blew gallons of my publisher�s ink on something silly and you all can�t wait to throw praise or petulance my way. It�s very odd.
Take the recent column about fashion choices that appeared in this space. It was an entirely goofy bit of punditory from a guy whose fashion sense is limited to the importance of matching one�s socks at least four days in five.
Yet that particular piece prompted more response, mostly delighted, but occasionally annoyed, than any has in a few months. I�m thinking of turning The Cheap Seats into a full-time fashion critic�s corner now. Look out Mr. Blackwell.
One lass, for example, promised to model an outfit featuring both cut-offs and cowboy boots for me. Of course she has yet to deliver, but I did enjoy the image.
A passing remark about ties prompted a local restaurant manager to stop me and ask if I was �that Cheap Seats guy.� I confessed it was so, half-expecting to be thrown out of the establishment (it happens), but it turned out that he was thrilled I had made fun of that particular fashion annoyance. �I sent the column to our corporate office� he told me. Who woulda thunk.
Another reader was much-less amused, apparently because I had unwittingly described his grandmother�s velcro shoes. One never knows what�s going to set somebody off. Yet, as long as nobody is strapping plastic explosives to themselves and heading for The Examiner�s offices, it�s OK. Still, I don�t spend a lot of time in the office, just in case.
Several people rushed to tell me that the phrase I was searching for when describing a backless top worn by young women is a �halter top.� No people, it�s not. I may be an idiot (as I have been told recently) but I�m not a moron. I know what a halter top is.
A backless top consists of fabric covering the front of the body only, without any support around the neck or the waist�just a couple of strings around the back. If y�all haven�t seen one, you probably haven�t been to the right bars. It�s not exactly naked, but it�s damn close.
Another recent column, �The Benevolent Despot� prompted a good deal of reader reaction as well. This leads me to believe that the time for the revolution is nearly ripe. Posters proclaiming the new order are being printed up as we speak.
The best suggestion for new programs under the new regime came from one delightful regular reader, who proposed arming our vehicles with weapons that could be used to instantly dispose of rude, reckless or rambunctious fellow motorists. We shall certainly implement such a worthy program when the time comes.
Making fun of terrorist whackos has been a steady theme throughout the first-half of 2006, which seems to please some of you and bug others. That is, I suppose, a reflection of national attitudes in general. Some of us are determined to win a battle they (and I) believe must be fought. Others are very sick of thinking about it, much less talking about it.
Some readers have told me that they have sent my columns on the subject across the nation, because they carry a message that, in those readers� view, should be heard. Others implore me to just get off the subject already and concentrate on being funny.
Given the importance of the issue, and the way it dominates national headlines, I don�t expect I�ll abandon the topic anytime soon, unless my esteemed publisher comes after me with a club, which wouldn�t entirely surprise me. I will, however, seek to entertain at the same time. For I am, as I assure my daughter on a daily basis, a funny guy.
Some of you who still swear allegiance to the collection of misfits who attempt to play baseball on the North Side of Chicago, wonder when the annual �Cubs mock� column is coming. Those readers ask the question with a certain air of dread, hoping�it seems�that I just get it over with already.
Well it ain�t coming folks. Not this year. Writing that column, considering what the Cubs have become in 2006, would be like kicking a cripple. While I�m more than happy to enflame your anger, I�m not going to add to your misery. Let�s just say that you have my sympathy folks.
I must share the one pet peeve that never ceases to annoy me when I receive your notes a nd comments. Some of you (though not all of you, by a long shot), refer to the Cheap Seats as �an article.�
It�s not �an article� folks. I do write articles about community news. Those are (or are supposed to be) unbiased reports of things that happen in our towns. The Cheap Seats is different. It�s chock-full-o opinions, commentary and observations that are not (and not meant to be) unbiased. This is �a column.� Do you get the difference?
Most of you do. But a few of you don�t seem to understand. Page eight is the spot for your humble correspondent�s opinions. These should not be confused with actual, factual news. Throw me that bone, OK?
But, whatever you do, keep those cards and letters coming. I do enjoy them and, in the final analysis, what you think matters matters most after all.
