A VIEW FROM THE CHEAP SEATS
By Rich Trzupek
The Northside Problem
I need your help dear readers. Really. We�ve got a problem here at the northwest suburb�s favorite column that even our crack scientists at Cheap Seats Research Labs have been unable to solve: What to do about the Cubbies?
Veteran readers know that trashing the lil� bears and trumpeting the glories of the south side nine has been a spring tradition in this column. Cubs fans hate it (sorry Everett) and Sox fans�both of you�(high fives to Mary and Dan) revel in it. Whatever the effect, it�s a tradition and traditions must be honored.
Yet, this year, the world has been turned on its head. The Sox are suddenly�gulp�both successful and, to some extent, popular. No Sox fan knows how to handle that. We�ve defined ourself by those chips on our shoulders for so long that we have no idea how to handle it now that its� considerable weight has been replaced by a most-unexpected ring on our finger.
It�s as if Jan Brady was elected Prom Queen. Sure it�s fun, for the evening anyway, but what do you say to Marsha the next day?
We have reveled, gloried over, in our abused, forgotten little sister status. One incredible October removed that identify, for a long time to come. What the hell is our identity now? Surely we can not claim to be the belle of the local (base) ball. That�s the position we have mocked for 20 years. Yet it�s impossible to play the underdog any more after you�ve won the whole enchilada.
The Cubs� current plight only makes it worse. The north side�s best player suffered a devastating injury. Their best pitchers toss more simulated than actual contests. If any sports franchise is truly cursed, this is the one.
How can we possibly continue to mock the Cubbies in these circumstances? It�s worse than kicking a dog. It�s like kicking a puppy on life-support. Do it and there would be no living with yourself afterward.
Yet we know that the last thing a true Cub fan wants, other than an unfathomable contract extension for Dusty Baker, is sympathy from a Sox fan. If we were to try to be understanding, Cubs fans would take it as the ultimate insult. In any contest, an opponent demands respect, and abhors pity.
Surely there are reasons for Cubs fans to take heart about their team�s future, like Matt Murton, Juan Pierre and the turnstiles that will never stop whirling. The future, if not immediately bright, includes a fair bit of hope.
But no real Cubs fan wants to hear that from a South-Sider. We�ve never been a source of positive reinforcement and this sure ain�t the place to start.
So it would be insulting to ignore you, or to pity you. It would be beneath us (or at least beneath your humble correspondent) to revel in your misery. The only answer seems to be to pretend that nothing has changed.
You�ll have six opportunities to put us in our place this year. The city series is a wonderful thing, the annual exclamation point on a glorious rivalry. Bring it on.
You�ll be the decided underdogs this year. Deal with it. Don�t expect any mercy. We few, we proud Sox fans respect you too much for that. We�ll reserve pity for the Royals. Or not.
Perhaps you�re growing your own chips on your shoulders. Sox fans have put a lot of them on sale on eBay if you�re in need.
No doubt the fat kid in the Sun-Times sports section will do his worst to help you as well. Perhaps he already has. There�s no way of telling, since Mariotti has been banished from the reading list. It�s impossible to justify wasting neurons on anyone who is a bigger blowhard than one�s self, no matter how talented.
But, given that Jay is one-half front-runner and one-half sucker-puncher, (plus another three-quarters self-promoter, which accounts for the waist size), there�s little doubt that he has been the first to pile on the hapless Cubs. It�s easy to predict the themes: Jim Hendry is an idiot, Dusty Baker is on another planet and the Tribune Company is the epitome of corporate greed, running the team into the ground for the sake of a few million more. Jerry Reinsdorf probably shares some of the blame in Mariotti�s world as well�he always does�but it�s impossible for mere mortals to figure out how Jay might work that in. Yet, surely he will.
Some or all of that might actually be true, not that insight matters to the fat kid. Noise, and plenty of it, is all that counts. Welcome to our world Cubs fans.
There�s nothing like a healthy dose of disrespect to get the competitive juices flowing, and they should be flowing strong right about now. We won�t exactly wish you luck from the south side, but we do hope that you don�t give up. The rivalry just wouldn�t be the same without you.