A VIEW FROM THE CHEAP SEATS
By Rich Trzupek
Changin' Times
If you�ve been hanging around these parts for 20 years or more, you�ve witnessed some pretty dramatic changes. The far northwest suburbs aren�t that far away anymore.
Heck, Gilberts and Huntley aren�t even the boonies any longer. One doesn�t actually reach the edge of the world these days until you hit Sycamore, wherever that is.
Super old-timers, like our esteemed publisher, fondly remember the days when Route 59 was a one-lane dirt road upon which on could race their horseless carriage at the breakneck speed of 25 miles an hour and never attract the attention of a constable. Also, back then it was called Route LIX.
And Randall Road? Back in the day, only McCormick reapers dared to navigate Randall, overgrown with corn as it was. You�d figure that we�d have a Best Buy on the moon before we got one on Randall.
But times, they changed. In the course of a few decades, it became cool for kids to wear their hats askew, you could actually purchase (and supposedly eat) a hamburger made out of soy products and the northwest suburbs became a metroplex.
Which is not to suggest that all of these events are necessarily related. They might well be, but scientific research is still on-going. We�ll break the story as soon as the government releases its findings.
Please don�t assume that this is an anti-growth diatribe. Change is frequently for the better. Were it not for change, your humble correspondent would still be wearing his 70�s vintage platform shoes, which would have been a boon to orthopedic specialists everywhere who would have treated several hundred sprained ankles by now, but which also would have turned a fashion mistake into eternal damnation.
We like urban sprawl, here in the Cheap Seats. Having been raised in the big city, there�s a certain comfort that goes along with traffic, neighbors you can shout at and the comforting wail of police sirens. Much like my cousin Vinny, some of us rest peacefully when there�s a riot outside, but are very disturbed by a cow�s annoying moo.
It all depends what you�re used to, which is to say, how you grew up. You have to respect that. Some people plainly don�t like the changes, for they grew up differently. They can move�for any airplane flight reveals that the amount of open space available far, far�FAR�exceeds developed land. Yet, who wants to leave their hometown? Most everyone would prefer that their hometown remain frozen in time.
We know this is not going to happen. Even if we�re comfortable today, the next 20 years will bring more change and they will inevitably disturb the new old-timers that remain. Fore-warned is forearmed, so perhaps it would be useful to consider what the used-to-be-far northwest �burbs will look like in 2026.
�St. Charles will have reincorporated itself as �The St. Charles Association of Civic Organizations.� In addition to the Downtown Partnership, the Tourism Bureau, the Chamber of Commerce and whatever other groups currently featured, the town will add a further 56 organizations and city taxes will be replaced by membership dues.
�Randall Road will be a 16-lane expressway, while Route 59 will have been turned into a landing strip for what has become the region�s largest fly-in community.
�Carl Hansen will still be a Cook County Commissioner. In an odd twist of fate, senility will have turned Hansen into a coherent and effective commissioner.
�Streamwood, now renamed �Rothville,� will have been reborn as the nation�s largest alcoholic rehabilitation center, providing many customers for the expanded Mental Health Center, and oddly, a thriving bar industry.
�Bartlett will be perrrfect.
�School District U-46 will have been renamed School District U-47, which made all the difference. Bartlett students attending South Elgin High are officially identified as �West Bartlettonians of South Elgin� on their student IDs.
�Wayne? You don�t really expect that anything in Wayne will change in the mere space of 20 years do you? Like its sister city of Brigadoon, life in Wayne will only change in terms of geological time.
�South Elgin�s downtown district, having been long-since revamped, will have become Illinois� longest and most popular theme park, featuring para-sail rides on the Fox (avoiding the Stearns Road Bridge is a particularly famous feature) and the James Hanson Memorial Mock Turtleneck Museum.
�Expanding on its popular fountain theme, Carol Stream will have replaced its roads with canals, to become the �Venice of Northern Illinois.�
Such is the future that awaits us fair readers. Don�t fear it. Embrace it. After all, there�s nothing you can do to change it anyway.