A VIEW FROM THE CHEAP SEATS
By Rich Trzupek
Northwest Side Hit Men
Another primary is in the rear view mirror, thank God, but predictably, not without the usual helping of silliness. This election gave us another example of that time-honored political tool: the last-minute hit-piece. Not surprisingly it arrived courtesy of the Carl Hansen campaign.
Not that anyone can trace it directly to the Cook County Commissioner For Life. We are supposed to believe that it was produced independently, by a group of concerned citizens who took it upon themselves to hire a design firm, mass produce a flyer, obtain mailing lists and send it out. Very concerned indeed, eh? If you believe that Hansen�s campaign and the Schaumburg organization had nothing to do with it, you�ve probably sent money to dispossesed Nigerian billionaires.
We�ve been down this road before of course. Four years ago, to be precise, when Hansen�s allies generated a nasty bit of literature that virtually accused then-opponent Mike Oleczewski of fronting the best little whorehouses in the northwest suburbs. The piece did feature a nubile young lass wearing little more than a coy expression though, so it had something going for it.
The folks around Carl must have a particular fascination with young lasses, since this year�s bit of mud-slinging included a stripper theme as well. Maybe they�re not just getting enough. A Viagra prescription might be in order.
Your best hit pieces are a collection of half-truths, rather than outright lies, carefully packaged so that each damning implication can not be disproven in anything less than the five-hundred words the author knows the target doesn�t have time for. Few voters are patient or concerned enough to wade through a long defense, which is what makes the last-minute hit so beautiful: if it�s delivered late enough and cleverly enough, the target is helpless common-fodder.
This year�s Hansen-hit was aimed at his opponent in County Commissioner�s race, Tim Schneider, or, as the mailer styled him: �Little Timmy.� The �Little� tag was important. It was there to make a virtue out of what Schneider had said was a handicap: Hansen�s age and decades on the board.
At 50-something, Schneider is hardly a pup of course, except by Hansen�s standards. By those rules, anyone born after the Hoover administration would qualify as a pup. The only thing missing was to actually call Schneider a �whipper snapper.�
But there was one accusation in the piece that was particularly inspired. Schneider cited his business experience and talent as one of the primary reasons to put him on the County Board. How could this be true, the hit-piece asked incredulously. Divorce papers show that Schneider only claimed $60,000 in income. What kind of businessman makes $60,000?
Brilliant indeed. The casual voter could only draw one of two conclusions. Either Schneider is a rotten businessman who can�t earn more than your average plumber, or he�s a rotten SOB who hides his real income from his ex.
Anyone who has been in business knows better. A lesser personal income usually reflects the fact that the person in question is putting his or her profits back into the company. In addition to being a good personal investment, it also helps fuel the economy and create jobs. That�s why tax laws are slanted to encourage business owners to invest�instead of taking huge salaries�and the good ones do just that.
Does that help you in a divorce situation? This particular divorced small-businessman can assure that it absolutely does not. The money you pour back into the biz becomes assets, which must be fairly divided with the ex. Whether you have a million in salary or ar million in assets, the ex is going to get their share.
But, outside of divorced small businesspersons, few voters are going to realize all that, which was the whole point of the mailer of course.
The Examiner, in our endorsement of Schneider, predicted a Hansen surgical strike in the closing moments of the campaign. It didn�t take very powerful radar to figure that out. Political gadfly Victor Santana is tied to the Hansen campaign and history tells us that, wherever Victor goes, a well-timed mudslide is sure to follow.
In an ideal world, one would wish that guys like Santana, slime-campaigns and innuendo, would have a rebound effect: rather than attract votes, it would send them the other way.
Unfortunately, it never seems to work that way, which is why guys who have mustered the art of character-assassination thrive in politics. They have a ready market. Not because the rest of us don�t care, but because we don�t have the time or resources to perform a full investigation.
Perhaps the safest rule is this: when someone drops a last-minute bomb on your doorstep, vote for the target, not for the attacker.
Character may not mean everything when it comes to politics, but it still means a lot, and when it comes to tactics like this one, there�s not much more we need to know about a person�s character.
