A VIEW FROM THE CHEAP SEATS
By Rich Trzupek
Valentine's Day Rules
The Valentines Day column in the Cheap Seats has traditionally been a love story, of some sort or another. This year will be a bit different.
For whatever cosmic reason, 2007 has become a reflective year on page eight, so it�s only appropriate to reflect on the unfathomable nature of life�s most thrilling, and exasperating, emotion: love.
��True love� may or not exist. But certainly love that is not true is not really love at all.
�Love will make you a better person. Not just happier, during this moment or that. No just more secure. Happiness, security and serenity tumble naturally out of love, they are not adjoined to it. If you don�t feel better about yourself, then it�s not love.
�Lovers laugh. Together. Trying to have love without laughter is like trying to make a cake without flour; it will have no substance.
�Lovers fight. There is no love without passion, and passion�real passion�can not be directed in a single direction. It will bring lovers into conflict too and that�s OK. Passion worth experiencing is worth fighting for too.
�The flip side of the above rule is that the passion of love will not degenerate into indifference or bitterness. Not if it�s really love.
�It�s one thing to be hurt, for only a lover can really cause that kind of heartache. It�s quite another to try and cause that kind of pain, in order to make yourself feel better. That�s not love. That�s sick.
�Life changes, all of the time. So does love. People who say �it�s not like it was when we were 25� don�t get it. Of course it�s not the same. Life changes, not because you are with someone, but because that�s the nature of life. The trick is to change with your partner, and to celebrate the journey.
�Kids change everything. The focus is no longer on you and your partner, it now includes all of these incomprehensible young �uns. The best relationships can make this part of the journey too, for are there so many�often hidden�rewards to be found.
�Sex is fabulous. It should be anyway. But sex should neither be a matter of duty, nor should it be something �earned.� Sex ought to be a celebration, of everything that the relationship is about and all that each person brings to that relationship. It is the ultimate expression of trust and joy and, of course, love.
�Continuing that thought, sex should be a shared adventure as well.
It puts you in an alternate universe. Enjoy the trip kids.
�Love knows hard times, over the long run. If these hard times are chronic, destined to get worse and worse, it�s not really love. If these hard times make you stronger, you�ve found something real.
�A healthy relationship will always include one partner or another driving their opposite number nuts on occasion. Adventures shouldn�t stop because you reach a certain age, or have kids, or have accumulated a certain amount of ingrained fear. Life is an adventure. Without it, you�re simply waiting to die.
�Lovers dance. They may not dance well, but that hardly matters. They dance, for that is a celebration of love too.
�Love is worth waiting for. Beyond a doubt, it is.
�It�s rare to find a relationship where the time requirements match perfectly. The trick then is to determine each other�s minimums and to decide if each partner can � and wants to � live with that. What is two little (or too much) in other words. If you�re happy with the extremes, chances are you�ll find a mutually-pleasing middle-ground
�If you rate a body ahead of a mind, you don�t get it. That is not to say that bodies don�t matter. They do. But the greater of the connections is mental, not physical.
�Even if every other part is in sync, a relationship ain�t gonna work if one half dreams of a quiet home in the suburbs, while the other wants to be a big-time jet-setter. Eventually, somebody is going to be dissatisfied. Dreams are what make life worth living and I will submit that, unless you share those dreams, one person will eventually discover an emptiness that nothing will fill.
�When you feel obliged to say �I love (him or her) but...,� alarm bells ought to go off.
�What is endearing at the beginning of a relationship often becomes irritating later on. Love not only understands, it smiles at, love�s failings.
And with that, I will wish you a Happy St. Valentine�s Day, and love, to you all.
