A VIEW FROM THE CHEAP SEATS
By Rich Trzupek
Smokin in the Hood
It�s late night and the regulars have gathered at the Neighborhood Inn. It�s an aptly named establishment, not because it�s part of a particular neighborhood (unless you consider strip malls neighborhoods), but because it�s a classic shot and a beer joint�dark, loud and smokey. But not smokey for much longer.
Brett, one of the regulars, walks up clutching a pack of Marlboros like they were gold, which is an apt analogy if he laid down seven bucks for his daily dose of tar and nicotine in Cook County.
�Won�t be havin� these much longer here,� he says bitterly. �Not after Jan. 2.�
Hoffman Estates picked that date, along with neighboring suburbs, as D-Day. The �D� in this case stands for �Don�t,� as in don�t smoke �em, if you�re stupid enough to have �em.
Kind of an odd date, come to think of it. Yeah it gives smokers New Year�s Day to enjoy one more beer and a cig at their pub of choice, but it also means that New Year�s resolutions to quit will be out the window on Day One of 2007.
No matter.
Lisa, the lovely blond bartender, strolls by, her top provocatively draped over one shoulder, the back of her sweat pants proudly proclaiming �The Hood,� which evokes thoughts of quite another kind of meeting place from the guys at the bar.
She takes a drag on her smoke, rolling her eyes in disgust at the same time. �Can you believe this crap,� she asks, extremely rhetorically. Of course she believes it. Smokers are used to it. Smokers are the 21st century version of lepers.
Smokers take it. They have to. They�ll gather in forlorn groups outside of buildings, no matter the weather, puffing away. They�ll pay outrageous prices to fund Cook County�s dedication to support the Stroger family and all their friends. Smokers are bad. They know it. They�re at the mercy of the smarter, healthier masses.
The science doesn�t matter. One could point to the original EPA study, which�contrary to conventional wisdom�didn�t actually say that second-hand smoke was a significant risk. There have been plenty of studies since then, designed to reach the conclusion that the smoking Nazis desire: we�re all going to die.
Which we are, of course, but the fact is that life expectancies continue to rise. No matter. The smoking Nazis have learned what the original Nazi found out long ago: if you repeat something often enough, it becomes a fact, regardless of the truth.
Choice doesn�t matter either. One might argue that choosing to come into a smokey bar is an individual decision, one that should be left to the individual, not government. Not today. Government long ago dedicated itself to the unattainable goal of removing every risk that a free society might pose to its citizens. This is the next logical step in a chain of events that will, ultimately result in people being required to sit at home, equipped with personal air bags and water wings�just in case.
Hoffman Estates� Village President Bill McLeod and Trustee (and State Representative candidate) Fred Crespo wander into the Hood late that night. Neither is an unusual sight after a board meeting.
They choose a table far away from the bar, where the uncomfortable crowd of lepers might accost them. They always do.
On another night. McLeod might have began the evening with a trip to the tobacco shop in the mall�owned by the Neighborhood Inn folks, oddly enough�and picked up one of the stogies he favors. Not tonight. McLeod realizes that would be bad form. He leans over his drink, contemplates his and his and Crespos� future no doubt. Having just struck another blow for the �public good��whatever that is�it�s surely a very happy discussion indeed.
A historically-minded person might take this moment to consider the warnings of our Founding Fathers, which echo over 230 years of history. Designing a democracy, they fretted over the �tyranny of the majority.� Government�s proper rule, they said, was not to blindly respond to the majority, in a search for votes. The majority would always be capable of taking care of itself, when the cause was important enough to them. Absent an outcry, government should protect the minorities, and allow society to police itself�to choose its own priorities.
Has there been an outcry that made this necessary? Not really. But, for a politician, there�s not any downside. Is anyone for smoking? Hell, not even smokers are for smoking. The alternative way of looking at the issue� whether the public should make its own choices or not�is just too abstract to worry about. Nobody gives a damn.
I stub out my cigarette and flip my writing pad closed. There�s no profit to such thoughts. They don�t mater. Time to go home. Home is all that�s left�for now.