A VIEW FROM THE CHEAP SEATS
By Rich Trzupek
Darn Kids
Your humble correspondent�s only daughter turns 18 this March, which will officially make her an adult� and which is more than her father can claim. As milestones go, it�s a big one, and a time to reflect on those lessons that all parents learn as their kids grow up. Such as:
A teen-age girl can never have enough curling irons. At first, when the third or fourth curling iron showed up, I suspected that an intervention was in order. Clearly, Sara had a serious addiction. In time, female friends would tell me that this was, in fact, entirely normal behavior.
As long as no bones are broken and no blood is shed, there is very little point in breaking up a fight.
Like it or not, they are going to watch South Park, long before they should. No point in thinking you can prevent it. Better that you should be part of it, so that you can at least attempt to put everything in context.
The same principle applies to R-rated movies, music videos and rap-music, just to name a few.
Any parent brave enough to listen to their kids rap music albums has more than earned a Congressional Medal of Honor.
Given time and patience, most kids will eventually accept the truth: that rock from the 60s and 70s is the best music ever. Like most truths, however, they must be allowed to discover it for themselves. You can not force feed reality to a kid.
If administered in large doses, kids will grow immune to yelling. When one yells sparingly (I recommend no more than half a dozen events per year) it will positively scare the poop out of them.
It�s much easier to keep order if your kid is convinced that you are slightly off of your rocker. See �Uncle Buck� for details.
The best parents remember what it�s like to be a kid. This does not mean that you indulge every childish whim that you were denied. Nor does it mean that you should attempt to prevent your kids from making the mistakes that you did. But factoring in their way of looking at the world is an enormous help.
Kids, like adults, learn by making mistakes. It would be foolish, and ultimately counter-productive, to think that we can keep our kids from ever screwing up. The best strategy is to save the edicts for the situations that would do real harm to your kid. As in, you must do whatever it takes to keep your kid from running out into the street, but if he is determined to touch a hot stove, let him touch a hot stove.
Parents who refuse to recognize their kids for who they are, and worse, try to turn their children into miniature versions of themselves, are the absolute worst. Part of your job as a parent is to recognize the child you have and nurture that child�not to indulge your own ego.
Bad teachers happen. You work around them, because there�s no working with them. Fortunately, odds are that a good teacher is waiting around the corner.
Kids will spend a good deal of their middle years protesting �it�s not fair.� Indeed, it�s not. The sooner they understand that basic lesson, the better.
With a few blessed exceptions, every parent and grandparent knows the right way to raise your kids�and it�s not your way. We should be polite to such people, and then politely do what we think is right. If you�re going to be wrong, be wrong, but don�t make somebody else�s mistake.
There is no greater parenting skill than understanding the difference between when your kid is truly sad and when your kid is merely pouting.
Nothing made out of macaroni is worth the effort.
Your child will make at least one friend that you can not stand. If you make your feelings known, you will have to deal with him or her for years to come. If you hold your tongue things might fall apart on their own accord�maybe.
Daughters want high heels long before they are capable of walking in them. There is no known remedy for this phenomenon.
Sons will make a gun out of anything, whether you buy them a toy gun or not.
You don�t have to spend every minute of every day paying attention to them. In fact, if you did, it would do more harm than good. But you must spend some time, every day, during which they are the sole focus of your world. This is known as letting them know that they matter. Every day. Period. Just do it.
Cop to your mistakes. If you admit that you can make a mistake�and if you show that you can admit to it�they will absorb the lesson. This is a vital part of teaching them about responsibility. Don�t expect to receive an apology if you�re not willing to give one.
And finally:
There is no joy that compares to watching your child grow. From the moment I cut her umbilical cord to the day she carried her driver�s license, to hearing her laugh this evening, Sara has been the joy of my life. Nothing and nobody comes close.
That joy has been about discovering, and watching her discover, the person that she has become. She has challenged me. She has surprised me. She has melted my heart. That�s what kids do, methinks. They move beyond us. The are, ultimately, better than us�if we raise them right anyway.
With a little bit of luck, we�ll do just that. Who could possibly ask for anything more?
