The
Bonded
Part Four
Things had changed.
Goku did not know why exactly, but they had. And it had all started when Bulma
called Vegeta about their son's relationship with Goten. Everything was
different now - in Goku's mind, between Goku and Vegeta, and in everyday life.
As he trained, Goku's mind raced and he thought.
Goku was torn between two very different emotions. He had always known
homosexuality to be immoral and unsuitable, and was automatically disappointed
with his son. The relationship he had with Trunks was unnatural and … just
wrong. Males, as he constantly reminded himself, did not belong with other males,
not in that way. However … each time he saw Vegeta (much less, now), Goku felt
something stir within him. When he had returned home after his talk with Goten a
few weeks ago to find Vegeta eating dinner, it had been an uncomplicated, causal
sensation. But each successive time he saw the saiya-no-ouji, the feeling became
more intense. Now, it had reached a point that things were so severe he was
afraid Vegeta would notice he was staring.
Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how he looked at it, he saw less of the
other saiya-jin nowadays. Vegeta seemed to be constantly busy training or
teaching and was often gone. What conversations they did have were cold, even
although Goku tried to act natural. It seemed that Vegeta was avoiding him, but
Goku could think of no reason why.
His contact with the others had changed as well. The truth about Goten and
Trunks had escaped somehow, and the couple had been forced to come out, at least
to their close friends. There were a few knowing nods, and Gohan had even
congratulated his brother, but the majority had not been so supportive. Although
nothing negative had been said, contact between those who knew became even less
frequent and much more formal.
Goku faltered in his workout again, disappointed that he was doing so poorly
under a light 150g. Normally, he had no difficulties giving his all to his
training, but it was becoming harder and harder as his mind became more
overwhelmed. He needed someone to talk to, but he had been completely deserted.
With one final thrust, Goku stopped, the weights falling from his hands and
cracking the floor. He dropped out of the offensive stance and slipped to the
ground, legs crossed. /If I don't figure something out, I'll never be able to
train successfully./ Goku's gaze slid out of focus as he turned inward in
contemplation. The first thing to tackle was his feelings for Vegeta. That was
the most distracting thought, constantly on his mind. /Homosexuality is wrong,/
he reminded himself, and then launched in.
/I can't remember exactly when they first started. I've always valued Vegeta
more than the others have, but I know I haven't felt this way forever./ Again he
remembered the time he had … had done /that/ with Vegeta and, grimacing,
considered it as well. /He pulled something out of me. It was as if I had no
control over myself. We were like animals, wild beasts./ There had been pain,
too, as well as the undeniable pleasure; he had been sore for days. /I wonder if
that how it's like with saiya-jin./ It made some sort of sense so far, but Goku
still did not have answers.
And there was another large problem - his son and Trunks. /They've … mated …
but I just know they can't have the same type of relationship that Vegeta and I
did. Goten's not like that./ Vegeta had not told him any details about saiya-jin
matings, and neither had Goten. Goku had no idea what was normal for the warrior
race.
Although he was a saiya-jin by blood, Goku had been raised an earthling. Their
rules labeled it as entirely wrong. The mating was unnatural and the time with
Vegeta was revolting. But as Goku's mind and body reminded him, it had felt
natural and far from disgusting. His nature and nurture were at war, more than
they had ever been before.
/I can't do anything. Not yet. I need to know more, first. I guess that means
talking to Vegeta./ He sighed and then stood, picking up the weights. /I'll talk
to him tomorrow. That way, I'll sleep on it and know I'm not doing anything
stupid./ He rocked back and forth to reclaim his rhythm and then shifted to an
offensive squat. He punched out, alternating fists with a blurred speed.
Tomorrow.
Harsh ringing interrupted the late night still and Goku's hand shot out,
reaching blindly for the control to the vidscreen. He turned it on, silently
cursing his private line, and rose from the bed. The room was lit with an
artificial blue glow that highlighted the wrinkles in the bedsheets and the
muscles on the warrior's body. Bulma's voice called out to him from the speakers
on the metal table across the room. "Goku? Are you there? I can't see
you."
"One sec," Goku scrubbed his eyes with his palm and yawned wide before
calling out gruffly, "go ahead."
"Oh my! Did I wake you? I forgot how late it is there. Two o'clock, huh?
It's only eleven here. Anyway," she rushed on without waiting for a
response, "I have the most wonderful idea!"
"Mmm hmmm." Goku plopped down on the edge of his bed where the
electronic "eye" of the vidscreen could see him.
"I was thinking about Goten and Trunks…" she faded away but came
back with vengeance, "they refuse to admit that their relationship is
completely unnatural." Goku began to become worried, but said nothing. The
level of hysteria rose in her voice over time. "I got to thinking, and had
an epiphany. What if I could get Trunks some help? A doctor or something who
could help him see more clearly?"
"Bulma," Goku paused to arrange the words in his head. "You may
want to give it some more thought."
Bulma ignored him. "But need to ask you a favor. Do you think you could say
something to Goten? Maybe it would be enough. If not, he could see a
psychiatrist too, and that way -"
"Drop it." Goku did not know if it was lack of sleep, but for some
reason he had no temper for Bulma's crazy ideas just now.
"But Goku -"
"Leave them be, Bulma. Don't say anything to either Trunks or Goten."
He grated out each word, eyes screwed closed and head down turned, and then
looked up at her piercingly. "Do not." With a bleep the channel closed
off and Goku shut down the machine completely, then dropped the control to the
floor. He crawled under the bedsheets and lay back down, trying to forget the
conversation. His mind refused to rest.
Why had he been short with Bulma, and so supportive of the relationship between
the two men? Goku turned over, restless, and ran a hand through his bangs. /I
can't get into that situation, not ever. No one would ever be able to look at me
the same way again, if Bulma's reaction is any clue./ He made an abrupt decision,
eyes opening in the blue-black night. He could not talk to Vegeta - who knew
what it would lead to? It was a bad idea any way he looked at it.
Goku turned over again, willing himself to sleep, but it refused to come. He
remained awake, stomach in unsettled nervous knots, until dawn crept over the
horizon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~