taliban

6.00 G-Had TV. Morning prayers.

8.30 Talitubbies.
       Talitubbies say "Ah-ah". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a
       Stinger missile launcher.

9.00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers.

11.00 Jihad's Army.
       The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack
       by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.

12.00 Ready, Steady, Jihad!
       Celebrities make lethal devices out of
       everyday objects.

12.30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over
       the world.

13.30 Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some
       cooking.

14.00 Only Fools and Camels.
       Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket
       launchers to Hamas.

14.30 Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top
       appeal is revealed.

15.00 Madrasah Challenge.
       Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain
       asks the questions.'Starter for ten, no praying.'

15.30 I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the
       Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.

16.00 Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political
       and religious leaders.

17.00 Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.

17.30 Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic
       behaviour.

18.00 Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.

18.30 Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week
       running?

19.00 Who wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will
       contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?

20.00 FILM: Shariah's Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover
       to expose an evil scheme to educate women.

21.30 Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this
       week?

22.30 Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the
       infidel.

23.30 They think it's Allah over. Quiz culminating in the 'don't feel the
       Mullah' round.

0.00 When Ismams attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The
      filmers were also secretly shot.

12.30 a.m. The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel
       graffiti art in the occupied territories.

1.30 Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.

2.00 A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again.