FBF 3/27/04

by Dan Schmalz

Art-nerd note

For all of you considering which color to make your new team jerseys, I recommend NOT BLUE AND YELLOW. It's getting crazy trying to pick each other out in the pack these days. The Westwood guys must be having just as hard a time finding their teammates as we Sanchez/Metros do. I often find myself rolling up to say hello to these guys only to turn back at the last minute, they must think I'm nuts. How did all of these teams get the same color scheme at the same time? We may never know. It's just a mystery. On a side note, if you're looking for another color, I wouldn't recommend red in the crotch panel area. When it's wet, red doesn't really hide anything--trust me on this one.

Floyd observation

Floyd is a mine field. If you don't have super-tough wheels and tire liners and iron butt cheeks you're going to be paying $28 to sit in the car. It is also a magnet for crash-holes. My favorite quote from my favorite crash-hole was after we went over a certain rut for about the eighth time and he said "That's the third time I've hit that". What? Isn't that two times too many? I mean c'mon we've gone by this rut about a half-dozen times already, and you don't know where it is? On a bonus note, the same crash-hole had a half-flat front tire later in the race (wonder why?). When this was pointed out to him, he replied, "I know", and he kept on truckin'. You have to admire that kind of moxie.

Extra unsolicited team tactics note

When you're involved in a leadout, you do your last turn and your race is over. If you can still catch on the back of the pack, you didn't go hard enough! I hate to use comparisons to other sports, but I think this one fits well. When a football team scores, it's usually a running back or wide receiver who scores, they get to spike the football or sign a cheerleader or whatever. The linemen on the other hand, are getting up off the ground or removing a sweaty man's booty out of their face or so on. Guess what? When you give a leadout, you are the lineman with an ass in his face. You don't get to see the finish, you don't ride across the line hand-in-hand with the sprinter; you get up off the turf, wipe the butt sweat off your face and see who won.

Schmalz Race report

Like I've said before, I don't like the classic race report format. So I'll give you my own assessment. Racing a 3-4 race is a totally different world. The cold realities of experience haven't crushed the dreams of many would-be field sprinters and break-away artists. Many still will try to write checks that their legs can't cash. They will sit in for field sprints they finish 15th in. I have come to the realization of my own abilities and short-comings long ago. I will never win a field sprint, that's just a reality, and I'm better off for the knowledge. I will however, always take advantage of someone's delusions. After all, how are they ever going to learn?

I would put my level of suck at 5, a 10 being the highest level of suck.