[FADE UP]
[Suddenly, “Alive” by POD hits and every fan in the arena jumps to their feet.]
[PAGE]: Uh oh… that’s Python’s music! The man who was narrowly defeated by Jeff Kushner in the CSWA’s first “Around the World” tables match… where the hell are you going?
[McCoy gets up and begins to leave]
[MCCOY]: To call my insurance agent…
[PAGE]: Hehe… sit down Russ…
[MCCOY]: Fine. But if we get seriously injured and/or killed… it’s your fault!
[The crowd pops as Python emerges onto the entrance ramp and makes his way to the ring, grinning and slapping the fans’ hands. He rolls into the ring and calls for a mic, which he gets. Python walks over to the turnbuckle and leans against it, relaxing.]
[PYTHON]: Hellooooooooooooooooo, St. Louis!
[Another pop from the crowd]
[PYTHON]: As most of you know, Kushner and I are in the middle of a best two of three competition and, last week, he beat me in match numero uno. That’s all right, I’m not ashamed of it at all. Kushner is an awesome competitor and I’m sure he can go toe to toe with some of the best out there. But! This week… I get to pick the match! And I have just the match for the occasion…
[The fans hold their breath in anticipation…]
[PYTHON]: And you’ll all find it out later.
[Disappointed groans ring through the arena as Python laughs in amusement]
[PYTHON]: Hey, hey, don’t worry. It’s well worth the wait. Now, the reason I’m out here is to advertise for some new “Python” apparel that just came out. You know, T-Shirts, hats, pendants, all that fun stuff. They were all made behind my back and without telling me first, but since I found out about it, I figured I might as well come out and advertise it. Check it out! Roll the tape!
[The crowd cheers as Python points to the CSWAtron. Suddenly, it lights up and Luke Skywalker appears on the screen, standing over a fallen Darth Vader.]
[DARTH VADER]: Luke… I am you FATHER!!!!
[LUKE]: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[The fans are in tears laughing as Python’s jaw drops to the floor.]
[PYTHON]: Wha!? That’s not right… what happened to…
[Suddenly, a look of realization crosses Python’s face and bursts out laughing]
[PYTHON]: Damn it, Kushner! I’ll get you back for this!
[The video of “Star Wars” shorts out and a promo picture of Kushner with a big smile on his face appears on the screen. The crowd is roaring with laughter as Python drops the mic and takes off back down the entrance ramp, laughing.]
[PYTHON]: I swear to God… one of these days… oh man… Star Wars… hahaha….
[Python disappears behind the curtain]
[PAGE]: Ahahahaha…
[MCCOY]:That was probably the most moronic thing I have ever seen. Somebody should kick Python and Kushner out of the CSWA before they ruin this great sport.
[PAGE]:No sense of humor tonight Russ. And on that note we will be right back
[Fade out to a commercial to a best of the CAL video tape featuring the Crusade for the Chosen One, version one and two]