[Suddenly, the lights dim and “Alive” by POD blares through the arena. The fans jump to their feet and look toward the entrance ramp.]
[MCCOY]: What the… that’s Python’s music!
[PAGE]: He’s not scheduled to be here! He was given the week off due to a back injury and is SUPPOSED to be in rehibilitation, but he’s obviously not!
[MCCOY]: What’s he doing here anyway?
[PAGE]: I guess we’ll find out.
[Python appears on the entrance ramp to a thunderous ovation from the crowd. Wearing his street clothes, he walks slowly down to the ring. He’s trying to hide his back injury and not favor it too much, but it’s obvious it hurts. He slides into the ring, jumps to his feet, and winces. Climbing slowly to the top rope, he cautiously raises one arm in the air. The fans in that direction pop. As the camera flashes die down, he does the same in the other four corners.]
[PAGE]: Python’s back is obviously in horrible shape as of now after crashing into that steel rail in his match against Mace last week.
[MCCOY]: Yeah, in case anyone missed it, he landed the Snakebite off the top rope and to the outside, but he landed on the metal guard rail… oooooh, man, just thinking about it makes me wince…
[PAGE]: It’s a wonder he’s even walking! He even wanted to fight again this week, but the doctors wouldn’t allow him. I tell ya, that takes some kinda nerve to come out here after something like that…
[Someone tosses Python a mic. He taps it a few times to make sure it’s on, looks around, shrugs, and begins to speak.]
[PYTHON]: Well, I know most of you probably expected to see me here tonight, but those of you out there who know me well also know that there’s no way in hell I’d be able to sit on my ass at home for a week and do nothing, so here I am!
[Python grins as the crowd cheers again.]
[PYTHON]: Now then. There’s something I’ve seen a lotta other guys do that I wanna try, so I asked around, got what I needed, and I’m all set.
[Python drops the mic and climbs out of the ring. He kneels down and begins to search for something under the ring.]
[PAGE]: What is he doing?
[MCCOY]: I hope it’s nothing dangerous… not with that kid…
[Python drags a box out from under the ring and continues searching.
[MCCOY]: [with a sarcastic tone]Hm… I wonder what’s in there… the suspense is painful!
[PAGE]: Oh calm down…
[Suddenly, the crowd cheers as he pulls out a long, metal, tube-like object with a handle. He hefts the box into the ring and brings in the object.]
[MCCOY]: What the hell is that!?
[PAGE]: I don’t know. It looks like some kind of a…
[Suddenly, Page realizes what it is.]
[PAGE]: Oh dear…
[Page ducks down behind the announce table.]
[MCCOY]: What? What is it???
[PAGE]: It’s a…
[Python holds the bazooka with two arms, finger on the trigger. The crowd laughs and cheers as Python waves it around and points it at the announce table. Both Page and McCoy dive for cover as Python pulls the trigger.]
**Click**
[PAGE]: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. aaaahhh….. uh….
[MCCOY]: Somebody arrest that son of a bitch.
[Python laughs as the two announcers climb to their feet. He picks up the microphone again and shakes his head.]
[PYTHON]: Man, you gotta wait ‘till I load it! Nothin’s gonna come out if you don’t put anything in… sheez!
[Python opens the box, which is full of… autographed “Beware the Snakebite” t-shirts! The crowd explodes as he shoves one into the bazooka and points it into the crowd.]
[PYTHON]: Here goes, launch numero uno… hope I don’t kill anyone… ok, 3! 2! 1! Kaboom!
[Python pulls the trigger and the shirt blasts out of the bazooka and soars into the frenzied crowd. Python is hysterical laughing as the crowd screams for more. Finally, he calms down.]
[PYTHON]: Oh, man! That was awesome! Ahahahahahahahaha… wow! Ok, I most definitely have to do that again.
[Python takes his time blasting the rest of them off, jumping and cheering right along with the fans. Finally, he launches the last of the shirts.]
[PYTHON]: Wow… that was cool! Well, I think that’s enough outta me, just had to come out here and have my fun. And remember, like it says on the shirt… BEWARE THE SNAKEBITE!!!
[Python kicks the box out of the ring and takes the bazooka back with him as he exits to a thunderous response from the crowd.]
[MCCOY]: WHAT A MORON!!
[PAGE]: That's your opinion Russell but I feel that fans will be cheering Python's name for a long time to come.
[MCCOY]: Then they are a bunch of morons too.
[PAGE]: And on that note folks we will be right back.
[Camera fades to a commercial for Best of the CAL IV featuring Jack Cross, Southern Comfort and Pyscho Steve.]