Olin's devotional last Sunday solidified what I had begun to plan as my devotional this morning. I have always had a problem with anger. Especially when it comes to injustices. What Olin went through over Labor Day with his arrest and the time he spent in jail was a great injustice. And it made me angry. In his shoes, I would have been plotting the greatest lawsuit the Austin Police Department had ever seen.
I was also very angry for a long time at the evangelical community for casting my sister Jennifer aside when she came out of the closet and told people she was gay. She worked through the hurt and the anger a lot quicker than I did.

My boyfriend Ronnie is black. A wonderful Christian who has experienced racism and discrimination and has never let it blacken his outlook on life and people. But there are places in Texas and other parts of the south that we don't dare visit because of the color of his skin. This makes me angry.

I had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of my sister's ordination in May. I stood in the Metropolitan Community Church of New York City and watched these people praise God and worship Him in a way I have very rarely seen. These people have been called an abomination, a stench in God's nostril's and other horrible things. And yet here they were celebrating the fact that a member of their congregation was answering God's call. I just wish the entire Baptist General Convention could have been there! There isn't any way they could have told me that these people were not filled with the Holy Spirit.

Reverend Pat Baumgartner, the pastor of MCC NY gave a wonderful sermon. She spoke of forgiveness. Forgiveness for the abuse that the gay community has received in the name of the Christian church. Forgiveness for the discrimination that African Americans have suffered. Forgiveness for the inequality women have suffered at the hands of a male dominated society. Forgiveness for the treatment of Japanese Americans during World War II. Forgiveness for the atrocities brought upon the Jews during the Holocaust.

I grew up hearing the expression "Forgive and forget". And I have always struggled with that. Because I can't forget. I don't have the capability. I went through scripture, and if I'm mistaken please let me know, but I haven't found any scriptural basis for the "forgive and forget" concept. I found a lot on forgiveness. But so far the only person capable of forgetting transgressions is God.

Rev. Pat went on to say that she doesn't believe we should forget these abuses that have been suffered by those who have been marginalized by society. We need to remember so that these things will never happen again. So that the healing process can begin. So that our children can be educated that the color of a person's skin, their gender, their ethnic background, or their sexual orientation makes no difference in the eyes of God. That's why I love the expression, "the ground is level at the foot of the cross".

After listening to this woman of God preach on forgiving but not forgetting I began to try and deal with the anger I so often feel when I address these issues. When Olin began his story last Sunday I felt a physical pain inside. I still feel it. When I think of what Jennifer and other gay Christians have been through, I feel a physical pain. When I think of someone looking at Olin or Ronnie and only seeing a black man, I feel pain. And I have decided that I need to keep this pain. Let go of the anger, but keep that pain. The anger is destructive but the pain reminds me of why I am here. Why I love the people I do and why I want to share God's love and message with those who are sometimes hard to love. Jesus broke barriers that Christians are still struggling with. Barriers of gender, religion, race and socio-economic status. Isn't that what we should be striving towards? Breaking down the barriers man has put up around groups of people?

I still struggle with the anger. I don't understand how someone can look at another person and condemn them based on something as trivial as skin color or sexual orientation and that makes me angry. But God is working in my life. You may think it's strange that I want to keep this pain in my life but it spurs me to action. The anger was unproductive. The pain keeps me moving.

I want to study law. David Bragg told me to practice the type of law that fueled my passion. I think of a gay couple where one partner can't be put on the other's medical insurance. I think of the black family whose children are getting a substandard education because of the area they live in. These are the types of things that fuel my passion to practice law. Now granted my parents are a little disappointed that I may not be bringing in the "big bucks" of corporate law but I think deep down inside they are pleased.

This pain is one of the reasons I love the work we do here at University Baptist Church. We have felt the pain of the gay community and welcomed them with open and loving arms. We have felt the pain of the homeless and given them shelter, food and love. We see the needs of the community and respond to them as God allows us. We extend the grace that God has given us beyond the walls of these buildings. We keep the pain because it spurs us to action and I pray that we, as a congregation, never lose that pain.

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