Today's English Version has a fortunate rendering of Ephesians 4:29. It says, "Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you." I believe this is the correct translation. Taken this way, the verse speaks of everyday communication and admonishes us to choose our words carefully, according to whether they contribute good to the other person. It is similar to Paul's admonition, "Bless and curse not," (Rom. 12: 14) and Jesus' definition of love by the example of the Good Samaritan. Verse 29 says that we can shape our communications to do good to those we speak to and by implication we can also do harm. We know that judgmentalism and putdowns injure relationships by reducing psychological intimacy and detracting from the other person's sense of self-worth and that constructive speech supplies interpersonal needs, such as love, esteem, and a sense of security. We are also aware that our witness concerning Christ uses words to bring spiritual benefits to other people. But are there other ways that our communication can do good to people?

In Love and Survival, Dean Ornish M. D., famous for his writings on diet, has brought together information from more than a hundred medical studies of the relationship between good communication and physical health. He admits that his study of this medical literature brought him many surprises about the healing power of dialogue that he had not learned in medical school. Traditionally, he states, doctors deal with drugs and surgery that foster healing and in recent years some have begun to recommend diet and exercise But he finds that most doctors ignore the contribution to physical healing of wholesome communication with its creation of love, community, emotional support, and spirituality.

We can only look at a handful of the studies that Dr. Ornish cites. But these three are typical examples. A multi-year study, performed at Harvard University, began by requiring students to rate their relationships with their parents in dimensions of closeness and distance, warmth and coldness. Thirty-five years later, of those who rated their relationship with both parents as strained and cold, 100% had serious diagnosed diseases in midlife, while only 47% of those with warm relationships had serious diseases. Those who had warm relations with only one of their parents fell between these percentages. The researchers reasoned that those who had loving relationships with parents tended to form warm, loving relationships throughout life and that the opposite was true for those from conflicted or disengaged families. They concluded, "The perception of love itself . . . may turn out to be a core biopsychosocial-spiritual buffer, reducing the negative impact of stressors and pathogens and promoting immune function and healing." (p. 34) In another study, Dr. David Spiegel of Stanford Medical School intended to disprove the claim that social support could extend the lives of women with breast cancer, as some have claimed. On a random basis he assigned half of a group of women with metastatic breast cancer to a regimen of treatment that included a weekly ninety-minute support group, lasting for a year. The rest had the exact same treatment without the support group. At the close of the five year study Dr. Spiegel was astonished to find that the women who had participated in the support group lived on average twice as long as those who lacked that help. In another study, involving seven hundred elderly adults, researchers found that offering love was more beneficial to health than being loved. Dr. Ornish summarizes his opinion by saying, "I have found that perhaps the most powerful intervention . . . is the healing power of love and intimacy, and the emotional and spiritual transformation that often result from these." (p. 2)

The New Testament picture of the church shows that God intended congregations to be dynamic communities of helpful speech, involving love, encouragement, caring, listening, honesty, forgiveness, and compassion. And by extension, it is implied that the Christian family is also to be a similar kind of support group. This is a facet of communal life worth enhancing here at UBC in both congregation and family. The congregation is composed of groups, each of which can play a supportive role to its members. Of course, situations are rare where you can be as open about fears and inner hurts as in a formal support group. But groups in churches can make you feel appreciated, cared about, and accepted as a person of worth. Our own congregation has the reputation of being caring, in that people feel our love when they first attend our service. One of our new member has testified that she kept coming back to our services and activities because she felt loved and that she believes that the communication that conveyed this love has been healing to her. This is a quality we have to continue to work at, just as every married couple has to keep working on their marital relationship. We can ask ourselves, "To what extent does my speech do good to those who hear me?"

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws