We already have had Sunday morning muffins and so Mother's Day is well underway. But before we go much further, it may be useful for us to discuss exactly who we are honoring on this day.

First, I do not think we intend to honor all mothers on Mother's Day. When I think of Mother's Day, certain people do not readily spring to mind. To name just a few: Ma Barker, Joan Crawford and whoever it was that gave birth to Jack the Ripper. And so, on Mother's Day, I think all of us are somewhat discriminating.

Now as to our own mothers we know why we honor them, but for the millions of mothers we honor but have never met, I think we actually are honoring an image we have of them, whether they are that way or not. For me, and most other men, it has to be an image because I have never been a mother; I have only had one mother; and although I am married to a mother, I have been reminded on more than one occasion that I will never really understand what being a mother is until I spend more than 20 hours in labor.

As you know, some people, particularly some fundamental religious denominations, hold to an image of the ideal mother, against whom they believe all others should be measured. The image is a necessary ingredient of the type of "family values" they preach. We already know that the "family values" agenda excludes gays. We also know it excludes women from leadership roles in the churches of many who preach family values. Would they dare also to exclude my mother or perhaps you from a place of honor on this day?

On this Mother's Day, in partial tribute to my own mother, I would like to examine the fundamentalist image of the ideal mother so we can see it for what it is.

I have handed out a page on which I have listed some of the characteristics that I have heard discussed by fundamentalist preachers this past week, primarily on religious radio programs that I listened to so I could stay awake while driving. If you want to know if you are worth of honor today, all you need to do is read the list.

1. An ideal mother should be nurturing and protective; not one who simply gives birth and leaves her offspring for someone else to raise.

I agree that this is the ideal situation for most children, but I have noticed that those who insist that the Biblical model of motherhood requires that she stay with the children, usually offer a full service, profit-making, day care facility at their church.

2. A mother should discipline her offspring but also be gentle and not easy to anger.

3. It no longer is fashionable to say that a mother's color matters. Today, even First Baptist Church in Dallas would say that an ideal mother can be black, white or brown.

4. A mother must tend to the father's physical needs and be able to give birth to however many offspring result.

Although I believe Catholics historically have been the only large group of Christians who oppose birth control of any type, Southern Baptists slowly are moving in the same direction with the close alliance that has been formed in the pro-life movement. There is not much of a moral difference between the morning after pill and a morning before pill.

5. A mother must be content to stay at home. ("A woman's place is in the home.")

6. A mother must be submissive to the father.

Just this past year we learned how alive and well the concept of submissiveness is in the fundamental denominations. Of course, part of being submissive means to avoid unduly provoking the father or interfering unduly with his important activities.

7. An ideal mother should serve as a role model so her children will not be materialistic. And so, she should be satisfied with the basics: adequate shelter, enough food, enough to drink, occasional treats but nothing to excess.

There are many other characteristics, but these will suffice to make the point.

Have you noticed that this list seems to say more about what a person thinks about women than the type of women people actually want raising their children?

Well, I think the list is bogus.

First, as I studied the list, I realized that my mother does not measure up. Now I like my mother and I honor her on Mother's Day. But she was divorced and as a single mother raising a family, could not be content to stay at home. She had to work. Also, she was the head of the family. And boy did she have a temper. But I think she did pretty well. She raised three kids and none of us turned out all that bad, if you overlook a few of my earlier years. In other words, the "family values" image of a good mother, like so many other images in the minds of fundamentalist leaders, excludes more than it includes and for no good reason.

But this fact alone is not what makes the list bogus. As you have noticed, there are two blank lines at the bottom of the list. To show what this list really means, all we need to do is add two characteristics:
On these lines add:

8. 5 feet to 5 feet 6 inches in height.

9. No less than 450 pounds nor more than 550 pounds.

When these two characteristics are added, we see that the traditional, fundamentalist image of the ideal mother also happens to describe a perfect Longhorn Cow.

For centuries, we have created idealized images of women, including mothers, which bear no relationship to a real or even necessarily desirable person. In the 19th Century in England (which seems to be the era in which most fundamentalists' minds are frozen), mothers at once were put on a pedestal and required to submit totally to their husbands. Sir Walter Scott and others before him, with their curious notions like chivalry, imported that mentality to this country, particularly the south. But as the Scarlet O'Hara's multiplied and refused to stay in their place, we marginalized them. We continue to do so today: the most popular radio talk show host in America calls them Femi-Nazis and other such derogatory names.

Women were an integral part of the life and teachings of Jesus even though in that era, women were by law and custom second class citizens at best. Had it not been for some women, including some who provided significant financial support, Paul's ministry would have suffered greatly. It is almost beyond belief that today, in Austin, Texas, the largest Southern Baptist church in the city will preach about Jesus and honor the mothers in its congregation, and yet deny them the opportunity to serve as deacons.

Of course, there is no single model for an ideal mother because each mother's circumstance is different. Some mothers' gifts require expression outside the home; other mothers' gifts are best expressed in the home. Some mothers are able to do both at once. Some mothers are fortunate to have a husband who is a partner in raising children; others are not so fortunate. The fundamentalists' image of motherhood, which I am sure is being preached from thousands of pulpits today, does not honor these women; it places them in a straight-jacket, which is laced tightly with guilt.

And so, on this Mother's Day, my hope is that all mothers who made and are making the best of their circumstances for themselves and their children will feel honored. The unconditional, nurturing love of a mother for a child is, perhaps, the closest earthly example we have of Christ's love for us. And today, I especially honor my own Mother who, at an early age, taught me the difference between an ideal mother and a Longhorn cow.

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