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Once upon a time there lived a neopet babaa who was called Samwise Gamgee, or just Sam the Lamb. He lived in the Shire, where other babaa hobbits lived, with his master Frodo Wood. One day he met a hobbit named Breanne Cotton, who started chasing him. So he went to Frodo's brothers, Elijah and Wiley, who hid him in a log full of dead fish.

After lying in the log for a really long time, a creature called Golly came across the log. "Fissh, nice fissh," he said to himself.

"No, not fish," said Sam from within the log, "I'm Sam."

"What's thiss, Precious, what's thiss? A talking log?" Golly asked no one in particular. "It talkss, yess it does, Precious, golly."

"No, I'm not a log," said Sam, but Golly didn't seem to notice. He picked up the log and carried it to Sauron Squarepants, the ferry-shrew.

"Ssquarepantss," hissed Golly through his teeth. "Ssquarepantss fairy-shrew, I bring you a talking log, yess, it talkss. Give me a wish, fairy-shrew."

Sauron shrugged his shoulders tiresomely. "We've been over this, Golly. I'm a ferry-shrew, not a fairy-shrew." Of course, this all sounded the same to Golly, or anyone else for that matter.

"Golly wants his wisssh, doesn't we, Precious. Lotss of fissh we wants, lotss of nice fissh!" exclaimed Golly. So Sauron shoved him in the water. After he let Sam out of the log, it exploded into a mushroom cloud as part of the Almighty Andy's evil plan to take over Middle-Earth. He gave an evil laugh, but it was drowned out by the calls of Breanne, who had caught up with him (Sam, that is). So Sam dove into the water too, but that was okay because it was just a mirage.

So Sam wandered around the desert for a while, until he saw another mirage, a soda shop. He went in and stole everything because it was just a mirage, but it turned out it wasn't after all, so he got a giant oliphaunt named Reggie to pick it up and he brought it home, where he opened it up as the very first soda shop in the Shire. After this great step in progress, there followed shopping malls and gum machines and the invention of the TV. But then Breanne caught him again and Sam had to leave it all behind to run away, and so he went on a journey with Raslor the fox to find a lost mine. Unfortunately, Raslor found it first and stepped on it by accident. Then Sam was surrounded by orcs who had set up the mine as a trap to catch the Ring-bearer. When they found out Sam didn't have the Ring, they let him go so he could go roast marshmallows and tell scary stories to the other Boy Scouts. Unfortunately they were all caught in a crossfire of rubber bands and before he knew it Sam had been captured by Frodo and his gang, who turned out to be an undercover spy working for Tumnus the Grey, an evil flute player.

Tumnus ordered that Sam be tortured until he told the secret of the Shire, but he refused to tell. Besides, he didn't even know it because he never could keep a secret and nobody told it to him. Tumnus didn't believe him so Sam had to prove it by blowing a whistle and Frodo's two brothers Elijah and Wiley showed up. Of course, this was just a trick. Elijah did the trick with the rabbit in the hat, but Wiley juggled watermelons. After they got Tumnus to sing a ballad about bananas and wax statues of country music singers, they sneaked away and blew up his hideout. Then they realized that they had left without Sam, whom they were supposed to rescue, so they went back to look for him.

But Sam had been rescued by Breanne, who had came in during the show and hidden him in a bag. His mom Elizabeth caught her hiding Sam and said, "What kind of a sick joke is this? Do you think it's funny or something?" After Breanne said no, she said "oh," and left. So Breanne rescued Sam from the evil clutches of Tumnus the Grey, or Elijah and Wiley, or the Almighty Andy and Sauron Squarepants, or Frodo Wood the spy, or his mean mom Elizabeth who made him clean his room when he didn't want to. So finally Sam had to marry Breanne because he got tired of running away and getting captured by orcs and stuff.

And Breanne lived happily ever after.

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