Sometimes, it's hard to believe that it's over. It cost us all of us who fought so much. Even now, sometimes I lie awake at night, unable to sleep, wondering what my life might have been like if there hadn't been a revolution to twist it inside out.

I may have lived my life quietly. I may have married, had a family, a white picket fence. It seems such a pleasant and far-away dream, compared with the harsh reality of living through a war. But space is cold, and remorseless. I still bear the scars. As do we all.

Yes, most of the time, I wish I'd never been a part of it. But then, if I hadn't, I might not have met him.

How he entranced me, with those dancing violet eyes and flying braid. From the very first, I knew he was different. Of course, at that time I wasn't exactly inclined to be well-disposed towards him. But time changes things, and Duo is impossible not to like.

Life with Duo was like a little patch of sunshine, amidst the horrors. Being near him soothed my soul. In a way, I never wanted it to end. Oh, of course I wanted the fighting and the slaughter to be over. But after the war... we'd never spoken of what would happen then. After it was over. Would we go our separate ways? Would he return to L2 to rebuild his life? Stay on Earth to keep help keep the hard-won peace?

Of course I had my little dreams, in the darkness of the night. I imagined that perhaps he might slip into my bed, whispering for me. I imagined running my hands over his body, burying my face in that silken sheet of hair as I loved him. I imagined that we might become two halves of a whole, together in mind and body.

I'd never actually come out and told him how I felt about him. I just couldn't bring myself to say the words. But I tried to show him what he meant to me in ways that didn't require words; by having his coffee ready when he staggered out blearily in the mornings, and remembering to keep his favourite brand of conditioner in the bathroom.

He'd never given me any hint of his own feelings, the braided baka. He treated me as a friend, with affection and trust, but he never gave any hints of wanting more than simple companionship. I chalked it up to the war - it's hard to commit to someone when you aren't sure whether either of you are going to live or die in the coming days.

But then the war was over, and the heady days that followed it were past history as well. We'd picked up the shattered remnants of our lives, and made what we could of them. The peace seemed so fragile, so tenuous, all of us jumping at our own shadows.

I suppose it was inevitable that someone would try and take advantage of the enforced de-armament, but then, that's why the Preventers were established in the first place. Marie-Maya. She came so close to plunging us back into full-scale war. And people the world over, tucked safely in their beds, never knew how their lives hung in the balance that night.

Afterwards, it seemed as if things were finally at an end. The Gundams were destroyed. True peace had arrived.

But despite that, Duo had been subdued since we'd returned here.

He was in the kitchen. I stood and watched him for a moment, before he was aware that I was there. He was stirring a pot of something, probably soup, or noodles; Duo had always appreciated good food, but had never been much inclined to try his hand at producing it. He was humming some tune under his breath as he swirled the spoon. His gaze was distant, and there was a small smile on his face. I wondered what he was thinking.

His instincts kicked in after a few moments, and he jerked his head around. Seeing me standing there, he gave me a grin, and waved with the spoon, not seeming to mind the droplets that flew from it.

I rolled my eyes, and wandered across the kitchen to peer into the pot. Some kind of soup, with a flavourful aroma drifting from it.

"Not bad," I conceded.

Duo smirked. "You better like it, because we're going to be eating it for the next week!" His grin turned sheepish. "I didn't realise the recipe was made to serve 10 when I started."

I was about to make an exasperated retort, when the doorbell chimed.

Duo flashed me a look that indicated he was terribly busy and couldn't possibly leave what he was doing, despite the fact that the soup looked as though it would simmer quite happily on its own. I just sighed, mentally making a note that it was definitely Duo's turn to answer next time. He always managed to get the interesting callers; kids wanting a tour around the scrapyard, or friends coming to visit. I always got people from the council wanting me to sign forms in triplicate.

I touched the panel and the door slid open.

There was a boy standing on the doorstep, expression sombre beneath the wildness of his hair. Despite the chill of the evening, he wore nothing but shorts and a tank top. Still looking like more like a child in need of a haircut, than a soldier, and the man who had ended the war.

"Heero." I smiled at him.

"Hilde." He nodded gravely in greeting. "Is Duo here?"

I nodded, and ushered him inside.

"Duo, it's for you!" I yelled. I was dying to know why he was here, of course, a thread of anxiety running through me at the thought there might be trouble, wondering if he was bringing news from my friend, Relena. But I held my tongue as I heard a clattering from the kitchen, and then Duo's hurrying footfalls.

I turned back to look at him. In a way, I'll regret that moment forever, and yet, it was something I needed to see.

It was like the sun returning after the greyness of winter. Duo's expression suddenly changed, from curious and cheerful, to brilliantly happy. But he wasn't looking at me.

He was looking past me, completely and utterly focussed on the scruffy boy still standing in the entrance way. My glance swung to Heero. Like Duo, he seemed to have forgotten that I was even there, so intent was he upon the braided baka.

"Heero..." There was a catch in Duo's voice, and he sounded as if he might cry. Cry!? Duo never cried. I looked at him in astonishment, and his eyes were shining suspiciously.

"I told you I'd come back for you." Heero's voice was calm and even, but I could see the tension in the line of his body, the set of his shoulders. As if he was unsure of the response he would receive.

"But, I didn't think... I mean, I thought you were going to stay with her..." Duo stammered to a halt. Duo lost for words? I could barely credit it. What was going on?

And then Heero Yuy did something I never would have expected in a million years. He smiled. His mouth tweaked up and the lines eased from his face. "Baka," he exclaimed, gruffly. "I had to make sure she was safe. But as soon as she had things under control, I was free to leave... so I came here."

And then there was a swirl of movement as Duo flew past me, his rope of hair streaming out behind him as he threw himself at Heero.

Heero caught him with a grunt, wrapping his arms around Duo's slender frame as I had wanted to do for so long, but had never dared. And Duo buried his face in Heero's neck, shoulders shaking, as Heero held him tightly, whispering things I couldn't hear in Duo's ear. One strong hand stroked the nape of Duo's slender neck with uncharacteristic gentleness.

I gave them their privacy. I walked silently down the hall, turned into my room, locked the door, and flung myself on my bed, the tears already streaming hot and searing down my cheeks.

I'd never had a chance. All this time, and I'd been oblivious. Duo had never felt anything for me, nothing more than brotherly affection. His heart belonged to someone else, all this time... he was simply waiting. As I had been.

But his love had come for him, and mine had turned away.

I didn't hate Heero. I couldn't hate anyone who could make Duo's face light up like that, and I wished them their happiness. But I cried bitterly for what I could never have. And I cursed the cruelty of whatever God it was that let me have a little taste of Duo in my life, only to deny him to me, once I was well and truly lost in those violet eyes.