"I'm sorry." She watched him tug his hat down further over his furiously green eyes and return his hand to his pocket. God, he wouldn't even look at her. His eyes wandered to her side but avoided her entirely. Guilty tears gathered in her eyes but she forced them back. Tears didn't weaken him....like they were weakening her now. The pain and guilt was so great she felt sick to her stomach. Could she really have done something that she would never have done in her life? Her morals were greater than that. Then again, when you're intoxicated, your mind is taken over by the teenagers' stereotypical emotions; greed, inpatience....lust. The last word was like a dagger to the heart. All her intimate feelings were always centered on Seth. She never cheated....never had, never had planned to.
"Seth," She paused, trying to grasp his perspective. "I know that means nothing to you-"
"No." His eyes pinned hers as he cut her off, fury glowed them bright green. His anger radiated off of him as he stared in her eyes. It was as if he was staring at a stranger. "It means shit to me."
"But I want...I need..." She cursed when she felt a trail of wetness down her cheek. She rubbed it away quickly. "Will you let me explain?"
"How do I know it's not going to be more shit? Hmm?" His eyebrows raised in mock easiness of the question.
"Oh, gawd. Seth, I've never lied to you. I've never done this, ever." Anger simmered just under the surface of her guilt. She would not let him go without a valid explanation of her actions. She wouldn't give up easily either, even if her heart felt weakened. What situation could be worse than this?
"How can you judge me by one faulty action. One I can't control; I can't control what alcohol can in my head. What my decisions are, emotions are...I was numb with it. In one hour it had turned me into a person I never wanted to be. My subconcious mind took over."
She watched his lip curl in disgust. "So, then subconciously, something was up. You wanted him before we dated. Maybe you still wanted him the whole time. Was that it? What other possible reason could there be? I've been drunk before and knew better enough to shake off the nearest girl that came my way." He paused his shouting, swiped at his nose angrily. "There's a difference here. Subconciously, I was thinking of you. Even with alcohol in me, I thought of you. And I was more than hammered. I was almost out of it."
Memories flashed back to hospital's. Tubes and needles everywhere on him. The emptiness she had felt when she had rushed him there and the pain she felt when she felt like she couldn't do anything for him.
She looked down at her fingers as they gripped one another. A tears splashed on her skin. "I almost died with you that night."
"Well, I might as well had. Cause I'm gone."
"No..." She whimpered out as she looked up. Tears blurred her vision and she blinked them away only to find him not there. She heard the door slam seconds later.
"...I've always loved you."
Her whispered words began her sobs.