| HANKS'CORNER #4 - "winter tip, winter warning" |
| Hello, I�m Tom, Hanks that is. Here in St.Albans, winter is on its way. I�m sure it�s fast appraching in your suburb too. This is my first winter down under and it�s very important that we are all prepared for it. More people die in the winter, did you know that? So today I thought I�d take it upon myself to give give you handy winter tip, but also a warning. Harrison Ford once told me �Tom, theres no use in living in a house, if it�s not gonna keep you warm.� And he�s right. It�s for that reason that is is of utmost importance that your house is properly insulated. There are many ways in which you can do this. In New Zealand, the favourite seems to be Pink Batts. Our office has just been installed with the fluffy pink goodness, and we have all remarked on just how much warmer our little dwelling is. I sent DeLunTrash out to Mitre 10, Moorhouse Ave. to find me some statistics. Sadly, she got distracted and ended up in Lyttleton. However it�s not al fun and games as I do have some warnings to issue with this product: 1. It only comes in pink. Believe me, I�ve tried, there is no other colour. 2. Keep it away from children. Did you know that in 1999, twenty three children were treated for pink batts poisoning? Well they did! That�s right, for to innocent four, or five, or even six-year-olds, pink batts is just another name for Candy Floss. The biggest and pinkest candyfloss they�ve ever seen. I kid you not. Before you can say �Tess of the D�Urdbervilles� the little ones have gobbled down half a roll and are rolling around the floor choking on their own blood. How is this I hear you say? Well, Pink Batts is made of glass. Glass cuts. Would you eat glass? No, I didn�t think so. So parents be warned. Warm houses, yes sure go for it. Hospitalised children? No. Another handy piece of information, courtesy of Tom, Hanks, that is. Goodnight. |
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