| How to Present a Speech: a know how guide from agent P.L.C |
How to Present a Speech: Giving a speech can be a tricky business. The most important thing to remember is eye contact with your audience. If your audience doesn�t get sweet life-giving eye contact the will quickly turn against you In turning against you, your audience may reach for near-by sharp objects and run you through with them. If this should happen please report to the sick bay for a tetanus shot immediately. If you are aware that you have never had a tetanus shot, for whatever reasons, it is advisable that you see your GP as soon as humanly possible. While waiting to see your GP be sure not to stand on rusty nails, get nailed to crosses with rusty nails or impale yourself on a 17th century axe. You may well be aware how hard it is to come across authentic 17th century axes. And it is hard. But if you have an important assignment, such as a speech, to do on authentic 17th century axes it really is essential that you see one first hand. The British Museum in London, England has a fine selection of authentic 17th century axes dating to the English civil war. If you happen to be in London and have finished wandering around the British Museum it is highly advisable that you have a coffee. Coffee is sold in many nice and not-so-nice places in London. Try the nearest nice looking place and if the queue is too long try a near-by not-so-nice looking place. If the queue is too long there as well go straight to the Tate Gallery. They have a very clean cafeteria there with full tea and coffee facilities, not to mention the art. Once you have had your completely inoffensive Tate Gallery coffee and maybe had a look at some nice works of art you could hop a train to Wimborne. Wimborne, unlike Singapore is in the south of England. It lies roughly 12km north of Bournemouth and is a very pleasant English town nestled in the Dorset countryside. In Wimborne you can visit main attractions such the miniature village with a pleasant garden setting and lunch and afternoon tea laid on. OR you could see the vicarage garden, which is just a very nice looking garden. Gardening is a popular pass-time for people both in England and the rest of the world. Some people, like full-time working mothers of four don�t have time to garden, let alone visit other peoples� gardens in bloody Wimborne. It is there mothers of four who hire doddery old gardeners to do the work for them. These fat stupid old men buzz around the garden for three or so hours per week, usually on a Thursday mid-morning. The get under-foot and talk even slower than my friend Tommy. They really are an inconvenience and don�t even mow the lawns. Mowing the lawns is a laborious and remarkably stupid task. I do not find it entirely surprising that even doddery gardeners draw the line at menial tasks like lawn mowing. Long grass really is a lot nicer anyway. You can lie in it and hide from anyone in the vacinity who might have a gun. Long grass is also a good place to write bad poetry. However it should be noted that one should never write bad poetry in long grass at night. If you do and then fall asleep there you will wake up to find your very bad poetry to be very wet with dew. The ink will have run and your poem with have been for nothing. It should now be noted that this is a work in progress and it will be updated when full research on the art of speech presentation has been completed. Watch this space. - Agent Pink Loose China |