| Presenting... The Return of AgentPink Loose China!!! "a polite explanation" |
| It has now been several months since last I wrote for CELIASAYS, several months in which some terrible things have happened to cause my longstanding absence. In mid April I was walking home from our St Albans office�s where we had been planning what Celia was going to wear to several different international film releases throughout the year when I was cornered on Bealey Ave by three Justices of the Peace wielding golf clubs and cloth bags filled with bricks� They wanted me to resign from CeliaSays due to an expos� I had been working on about corruption in their ranks and threatened me with physical violence. I refused to withdraw from my job and said that the defaming article would be published. They beat me black and blue and left me to bleed to death in the car park of a nearby Briscoes store. I was found, close to death the next day by one of the store men when he accidentally ran over me with a forklift and I was taken immediately to a hospital for treatment. I spent a month recovering, only able to eat yoghurt and mushed up bananas. I could not use my own arms and people had to put the flowers I was given in vases for me� It was humiliating� Following my recovery I took legal action against the three JPs and fought a long court battle as represented by Tom and several beefy attorneys. The result was that I could not publish my article or reveal the names of the JPs. In return they were stripped of their rank and sent to work in a coalmine in Ireland. That however was far from the end of it. In July, just as the JPs had been sent away, a string of threatening letters from their associates started arriving at CeliaSays offices across the world. The letters detailed nasty ways in which my colleagues would be maimed and murdered and threatened terrorist attacks on our families and offices. The news of these letters took their toll on me; I felt wholly responsible and within a week was in a state of severe mental collapse. I was sent by Celia to a safe house in Arizona to recover my senses and motor skills. I returned to Christchurch on August 17 and have since then been doing light paperwork such as filing Tom�s recipes and developing Celia�s new programme aimed at tackling the AIDS virus in third world countries. Today I was allowed my laptop back and after having 4 cups of herbal tea to calm my nerves have sat down, surrounded by my friends and peers, to tell our readers of my plight. I apologise to all my faithful readers for my long absence from CeliaSays, and wish to thank deLunTrash, Tom, and especially Celia for their on-going support and care. Without you I would not be here and the JPs would not be in Ireland. Your Aunt PLC |