| it's another DeLunTrash exclusive interview! This month... FOSTER & ALLEN!!! |
| Hola, Agent DeLunTrash at your service, This month I�m honoured to have interviewed the leprechauns of luurve, the boys who put the �oh� into clover, and the ones who give Guinness it�s head�that�s right, it could only be the gorgeous Foster and Allen. The Irish singing duo are about to tour New Zealand to promote their new album � I lost the bit of paper which its title is written on, but it�s being advertised on TV. I flew over to Dublin a couple of weeks back to catch up with Foster, and of course Allen, to find out what makes them tick, to discover their secret to their six decade long career, and to ask the question that�s on everyone�s lips. Ladies and Gentlemen... FOSTER AND ALLEN: It�s a cold and rainy morning in Dublin. I am sat in �Mary�s Sausage, Beans and Chip Emporium� waiting for the duo that New Zealand Woman�s weekly once called �unstoppable�. My cell phone rings and it�s Foster telling me that they�ll be a bit late as they have to stop and buy a newspaper, the review of their latest album is published today. Ten minutes later the duo stride in, Allen in a panama hat and blue trench coat, and Allen in a green corduroy, full length jacket and a red beret, some might even call it a raspberry beret (yes, that�s right the kind you�d find in a second hand store). They mistake an elderly woman in the corner doing a crossword for me and join her at her table. I�m bit shy in these situations so I thought I�d best lave it until she says something, or they make her cry, one or the other. Sure enough, she stared to cry when they began their rendition of �My Heart Will Go On� and they came over to join me. DELUNTRASH: FOSTER! ALLEN! HOW THE DEVIL ARE YOU? FOSTER: I�m great thanks DeLunTrash ALLEN: (nods head sympathetically) DLT: THIS IS YOUR SEVENTEENTH WORLD TOUR TO DATE, YOU MUST KNOW THE WORLD PRETTY WELL. WHICH IS YOUR FAVOURITE COUNTRY AND WHY? ALLEN: Bangladesh is one of my favourites. FOSTER: I know it�s a clich� but you can�t beat the (sings) green green grass of home. Ireland. DLT: SO HOW DID YOU GUYS MEET? FOSTER: Allen, would you do the honours since you tell the story so well. ALLEN: We met when I had a wee mishap while taking my dog for a walk, my dog, Jake, bit fosters basketball, and punchered it, we got into a heated argument for several minutes and then suddenly, we just burst out laughing! Then from that hilarious situation we became the best of friends. FOSTER: Doesn�t he tell it well DeLunTrash? When I tell it, I always forget t include the bit about the basketball, then I wonder why people don�t find it funny! DLT: ALLEN, DURING YOU ON/OFF LOVE AFFAIR, YOU ESCORTED MADONNA TO THE 1995 OSCARS, THEN PROMPTLY DUMPED HER. SOME CALLED THE WHOLE THING A PUBLICITY STUNT. SO? ALLEN: Well�she was very clingy, and quite emotional, she cried on the limo drive to the Oscars about something very stupid, after that I was fed up with her nagging and told her where to get off! (Shakes head furiously) FOSTER: But that wasn't the last we'd see of her...but that's anotherstory (laughs) DLT: YOU BOTH CAUSED SOME CONTROVERSY LAST YEAR WHEN YOU WERE PICTURED SELLING PIRATED CHARLOTTE CHURCH CD�S IN THE CAR PARK OF ONE OF HER CONCERTS. THAT�S A PRETTY NASTY THING TO DO. ALLEN: What? (Chuckles) I never heard that one? (Looks at Foster for reassurance) FOSTER: Never heard of it before in my life. DLT: FOSTER, YOU TOOK A LEAD IN THE ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER SENSATION �CATS� WHEN IT OPENED IN 1981, WHICH IS YOUR FAVURITE SONG? FOSTER: �Jelly Gum Drops the colourful cat� has to be my favourite, it�s just so catchy. Y�know that routine took me six weeks to conquer. But I�ll tell you what, I can still remember every step. (Does embarrassing yet impressive demonstration on tabletop which leaves him somewhat puffed, but in a healthy way) DLT: WHAT�S YOUR FAVOURITE CHEESE? FOSTER: Edam wins hands down. ALLEN: I personally like a bit of Tasty on a cracker or two FOSTER: Try five or six! (Both laugh hysterically) DLT: TELL US ABOUT YOUR ROLES IN CULT CLASSIC �THIS IS SPINAL TAP� ALLEN: We were the midgets, and filled in for the guy who was supposed to be �Strong man� DLT: WHICH IS YOUR FAVOURITE TOM HANKS FILM? ALLEN: Sleepless in Seattle, that was a nice one to watch with a cup of hot chocolate and your favourite slippers, I love a good romance. FOSTER: Three Men and a Baby. DLT: YOU BOTH RAISED $50 BY JUMPING OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING ONTO 10,000 CARDBOARD BOXES LAST YEAR FOR THE B.E.E.F WILDLIFE FUND. WAS IT WORTH IT? ALLEN: Yes 100% worth it, all the way! FOSTER: Well to be honest, I�d have to say 99.5% as I still have to see a chiropractor as a result. I think we'll just have to agree to disagree. DLT: IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? FOSTER: The daintiest of all Gods creatures, a hummingbird. ALLEN: I would love to be a big cuddly bear DLT: SO WHY SHOULD I BUY YOUR NEW ALBUM? ALLEN: It a return to the old style, we�re back! FOSTER: That�s right, it�s old skool. Plus there�s three-video clips and photo gallery on the enhanced CD-ROM version. DLT: A CRITIC ONCE DESCRIBED YOU AND YOUR ACT AS �LEFTOVER DOGFOOD� HOW DO COMMENTS LIKE THESE AFFECT YOU? ALLEN: What? Who said that? (Laughs) well no, no not really, i'm a professional, I rise above it. I�m like a duck it just rolls off my back FOSTER: I�ll tell you what, I bet we smell a lot better than dog food, isn�t that right Allen?! ALLEN: And taste better too! (Both laugh in a manner that disturbs DeLunTrash greatly) DLT: WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE? ALLEN: We�re going join in on �Legs across America�, where everyone (well we hope everyone) will join legs, and we will all be ONE together FOSTER: I think it�ll be one of those experiences that the world will look back on with fondness, like Live Aid, or Woodstock�the moon landing�um� ALLEN: Vietnam. FOSTER: Ah yes, mighty Vietnam� (Both sigh) DLT: AND FINALLY, COULD I GET AN AUTOGRAPH FOR CELIA, SHE�S A HUGE FAN? ALLEN: Sure� FOSTER: No problems. Y�know, we sometimes sign each other�s names just to spice things up a bit! ALLEN: HAHAHA DLT: Y'KNOW, I COUD GET YOU ARRSTED FOR FRAUD FOR DOING THAT... (There is a long awkward pause of four minutes. DeLunTrash awkwardly plays with the sugarbowl while Foster and Allen stare at their feet / and or the ceiling.) WELL THANKS A LOT GUYS, IT�S BEEN A REAL�TREAT. ALLEN: Thank you, goodbye FOSTER: Are you paying the bill or shall we? DELUNTRASH: FINE, I WILL. (Both Foster and Allen abruptly run out of the shop, giggling like schoolchildren. Allen soon cowardly returns to collect his hat and newspaper which he left on the table.) So there we have it, Foster and Allen, soon to be coming to a town near you. May I just point out that Tom Hanks was not in Three Men and A Baby, though having asked many people in Dublin following the interview, it seems that the entire population of Ireland are under the misconception that Steve Guttenburg and Tom Hanks are the same person. Signing off now, Secret Agent DeLunTrash xxx |
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