How Lo a Rose Ere Blooming

part four

When he watched David sleep he felt a little more at peace and he didn't regret what they had done, but for some reason he felt a faint twinge of disappointment.

The way their bodies had fit together, smooth planes pressed snuggly, had felt wonderful, and he had always been told that a gentle touch could show so much, but...he wasn't completely satisfied. He knew what Suneyva and Julianna had together and how happy they were. He didn't love David and he knew that David didn't love him. This was lust and perhaps a friendship, but it wasn't just that he felt was missing.

It was that Suneyva and Julianna had an equal relationship, and from talking to Julianna he knew that when they made love it was more reciprical than anything he had ever had. These role-playing systems and characteristics he was supposed to follow only left him feeling empty inside and a little used. Jesse even wished that he didn't look so young or pretty; those characteristics marked him immediately as what David called femme and he didn't want to be that, or at least not that alone.

Jesse sighed softly and shifted his weight until he could get out of the small bed without waking the Kine. Suneyva might not expect him back at their temporary haven, but he didn't want to spend the day at the club and they did have to leave the city the next night. Before he went out among the Kindred and Kine in the club he bent over the bed once more to kiss the sleeping man's forehead. They wouldn't see each other again and knowing that Jesse felt a little better, but he couldn't leave without this last tenderness.

He did feel better about himself. It surprised him, but it was good to feel a little closer to normal again. He let himself out of the room and went downstairs.

Suneyva was waiting for him in the lobby. "Are you okay Jesse?" She took his hand as they left the Alexandrian Club to go home.

"I guess so. I feel a little better, but...I wish that I could be with someone and not feel used afterwards." He frowned slightly and looked up at his Sire. "I want to find someone that I can have a relationship with like you have with Julianna. I want someone to love me."

"You'll find someone Jesse, and there is so much time to do that. I didn't find Julianna until six hundred years after my Embrace. It probably won't take you that long, there are lots more people on the planet now, but you can't spend your life searching for a relationship. I am positive that you will find the man that is right for you eventually, you just have to give it more time." She led him towards their temporary shelter, pausing with him in a little park on the way.

"There is hope for you Jesse. Though you are young still you are growing strong and have grown in spirit I think. You are a strength to Julianna and I now and we are pleased to have you with us." They started walking slowly towards their day-time resting place again.

"Where are we going next Suneyva?" Jesse hopped over a puddle in the street and looked back at her.

"Oh, I don't know. I thought that we could visit the South for a while. It's changed since the war and I want to see what's happened to the Gangrel that used to be in that area." She smiled at him softly, "But we need to get home soon because the sun is about to rise. You can show me how fast you can run. Are you ready?"

Jesse laughed, "Just say the word. I think I'm ready for just about anything."

*

The End

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