Paul sighed and flicked the switch for the computer screen. He was sick of sitting in front of the machine and typing; what he wanted to do was to get out and do something fun. He turned slowly to watch Jesse. His Sire was sprawled across his bed, reading a book and looking at him; Paul was hit by a sudden, sharp longing. Though he loved being Jesse's Childe he regretted all of the things they were no longer allowed to do; Jesse could not take his blood as he once did.
"Jesse, could we go out? To the cabin maybe? I want to spend some time alone with you; we never seem to have time just for each other anymore and I'm supposed to be getting some training still. Could we spend a few weeks in the woods, just the two of us?" He moved to the bed and took the book from his lover.
Jesse looked up at him and smiled, "I suppose that we could. There are some outdoor skills Suneyva has been asking me to train you in and Jakob's tribe will be in the area. If we ask I'm sure that he'd help us." He rolled over and opened his arms for Paul. "I would love to spend some time alone with you."
*
They hadn't really got much done with the training, but the time they had spent alone together was doing them a lot of good. Jesse knew that they had plenty of time for training; it would take years, but keeping their relationship strong needed a more constant attention. They had only been together for a little more than a year and needed to know that they still had security with each other. Together, stretched out on the couch they told each other stories of their lives, even recounting the first time they had ever met.
Jesse smiled. "I saw you standing in the middle of the dance floor. You were so beautiful, so self-possessed and I knew that I had to have you. And then you looked up and smiled at me like you had known I was staring. I thought that you must have seen me as some kind of pervert or freak, but you came over to talk to me."
Paul chuckled softly. "No, not a pervert, not a freak. I had imagined that you were a hustler like I had been. In a single moment I envisioned a thousand nights wrapped in the arms of swarthy men who could use a bit of your beauty, but who could never touch your innocence. You seemed like a divine spectre, a child in the middle of that horrible club and surrounded by the lowest of character and desire. I wanted to lead you away and show you that something else was possible, but it was you that changed my life; brought me to a new existance."
"Oh, I was a hustler, but not because I needed money. I was looking for you. I had been looking for you all of my life and anyone else I had been with before you was just practise to get ready for you. It used to be so easy to look for someone, but the past two decades have been so difficult. You know that we can become infected with blood borne diseases, and it isn't always possible to sense the infection. It was a miracle that I found you still healthy when there were so many chances for you to become infected with HIV. We still have to be careful though, and while we both have others...have Kine...they don't mean so much to me that I would risk hurting you. I hope that you can feel the same for me." He looked away for a few moments. "I really love you Paul. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, if you ever left me."
Paul froze for a moment, paling as he realized something that had been in the back of his mind since they met. He knew that Jesse was weak, but he was only beginning to get an idea of how fragile his Sire reallly was. For all of Jesse's experience as Kindred, experience in life and unlife, Jesse was a very insecure man. Paul knew the circumstances of Jesse's Embrace in more detail now and he remembered what the young Gangrel had been like when they had first started dating. "I love you Jesse. I don't want to leave. I don't want anyone else. I'm still amazed that you want me after I've sold myself so many times; knowing that my parents didn't even want me." He paused.
"Jesse I need you so very much and I can't even imagine being without you." He caressed his Sire's cheek. "You are my strength, my purpose. That isn't going to change."
Jesse took Paul's hand and kissed the palm. He leaned back a little more into the cushions of the couch and Paul shifted closer to lay his head aginst his Sire's shoulder as they snuggled together.
"Paul, I know it has been a while, but I was wondering...would you make love with me?" Jesse brushed Paul's hair from his shoulder, pausing with his fingers against his Childe's scalp.
"Being with you in that manner would be wonderful, but Suneyva said that it could cause a blood bond. What are we going to do about that?" He looked up at Jesse, who was grinning.
"Oh, I have some protection and some help. I called Jamie and Leif. They are going to be here in about a half hour." He paused as he saw the change in Paul's expression.
"But I want to be with you, not one of your Kine." Paul bit his lip and looked away.
"We can be together, but we do need to feed and it seemed best." He sighed softly and Paul looked up at him again.
"It's okay I guess, if that's what you want to do."
Jesse squeezed Paul a little and they lay together in the main room until a car pulled up outside. Jesse went to answer to door and Paul went into the kitchen to make some hot cocoa for the Kine. As he was finishing the task he was suddenly embraced from behind.
"Hello Paul, did you miss me?"
He wanted to shudder, he wanted to run far, far away from this Kine, but instead he turned and smiled. "Of course I did Jamie." He glanced out at Jesse, but his Sire was already kissing Leif rather passionately and didn't notice. Paul grabbed one of the mugs and handed it to Jamie. "Drink this, it'll help you warm up."
The Kine laughed, "Okay, but I have a better way to get warm when I'm finished with this. Which bedroom will we use?" He took a drink from the cocoa and looked over to Jesse and Leif.
"I don't know, it doesn't really matter." Paul frowned at Jesse and then jumped as Jamie set the mug down in the sink.
"Are you ready?" The Kine slid a hand down the Gangrel's back and it was all Paul could do to keep from bolting away.
"I need to get something from Jesse." He broke away and went to kneel by the couch. Leif was already laying on top of Jesse as they kissed. "Jesse, where are the condoms?" He whispered too low for the Kine to hear. Jesse pointed to a glass jar on the mantle of the fireplace and Paul could see that there were many small squares within it. He grabbed a few before leading Jamie into one of the bedrooms.
The Kine closed and locked the door before starting to undress. "You aren't going to make me use one of those, are you?"
Paul froze, not quite finished stripping. "Yes. I'll leave now if you're going to refuse." He looked back at the man, hoping he could leave.
"It's okay I guess, but then I get to play." Jamie grinned for a moment and Paul wondered where Jesse would find such a man to claim, and why, after all the abuse they had each suffered. "You know how I like to play."
Paul nodded and watched his hands as he continued to undress. "I haven't forgotten." He slowed his movement a little more, wishing that he were anywhere else. "What do you want me to do?"
*
As soon as Leif was asleep Jesse left the room. He wanted to find Paul so that they could be together for a bit before dawn as well. His Childe was sitting on the couch, holding his knees to his chest so Jesse sat beside him and tried to kiss his cheek. Paul jerked away and flinched.
Jesse looked at him more closely. "You're so pale. Didn't you feed?" He reached out again and Paul turned to face him. "He hit you?"
Paul nodded slowly. "I don't want to have sex with you now, I don't think I can."
"Paul, I wouldn't force you to do anything you didn't want to do. Could I hug you though?" He wrapped his arms around his Childe. "You are so much stronger than Jamie, why didn't you stop him? Why didn't you feed?"
"All I wanted to do was get away fom him and I didn't want you to be mad at me. I didn't want to have sex with him, but I thought that's why you had him come out here." Paul pressed his cheek against Jesse's shoulder. "I can't say no to you, I'd do anything for you."
"Paul, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You need to remember that you aren't weak or mortal anymore. If someone hurts you defend yourself, even if it's me." Jesse swallowed hard. "You need to feed and you need to learn this lesson. I don't want to see Jamie again. However, he knows too much about us so we'll have to do something about that. I think that you should demonstrate your strength to yourself by taking Jamie. I'll help you with the body after it's done. Do you understand?"
Paul looked shocked, his mouth opened slightly and he couldn't seem to speak for a moment. "You want me to kill him?"
Jesse nodded slowly, "How many times have you been hurt by some man too involved in himself to notice your feelings and reactions? How many johns hurt you to gain a little pleasure? Jamie is like those men and he is dangerous to other young men...and he know about us; he won't let us free. Do it for both of us." He took Paul's hand and kissed it like he had done earlier that evening. "Please."
The younger Gangrel visibly steeled himself, "Okay." He got up from the couch carefully and made his way back to the bedroom; looking back at Jesse only once.
*
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