2.2.2004
Geez people. It was Janet Jackson's BREAST, not hardcore threesome porn involving animals and garden vegetables. Get over it.



babbled by me @ 11:19 PM

~*~

The cable bill is paid so far. I'm not sure if money will come in for the mortgages in time.

The thing about what I wish for is that it's merely a wish. Goals are a totally different thing. I have been given a lot of crap by Wayne over the years because he can't seem to see the difference between the two.

I wish to have a little girl. I wish to own lots of land, horses, have gardens and orchards and work on my own land while taking care of my children and pets. That is only a wish.

Goals are reality. My goals are to get all my bills paid. Purchase a reliable car. Sell this house and get a bigger and better one with better schools. Get Dylan through school with decent grades so he will graduate and get in a good college. Those are goals. Goals are different from dreams and wishes.

The company I work for isn't so bad. It's the department that I'm in that is the bad part. It's not all in my head like I'm told either. Other people know the hell it is to work in payment investigations. Vicki, Shannon, Keith, Sarah, etc. all have worked there and know the bullshit that one has to deal with when working with managers that don't care and the ghetto associates that are so irksome and nosy.

I could quit there today, but getting another job is a bit difficult at the moment and I need the health insurance. Yes, I could go work at McDonalds or waitress. I know the food business very well. The problem is that I literally hate interactions with customers. I've always gotten into trouble because of the sort of customers that are never happy. The customer is always right? I think not. When a business does something a certain way and you don't like it, get over it or go elsewhere. Don't bitch, moan and complain and waste my time. I don't care and have other things to do.

People that are never satisfied with service or their food don't understand that there are actually employees that will do things to their food when they return it. I've known of cooks that have spit in food or dropped it on the floor before sending it back out to a whining customer. It does happen!

Back to the work thing. I would love to be able to get out of my department, hell, get out of production services and into a place where I can just do my work and everyone acts MATURE for once. I'm really tired of feeling like I'm working in high school, where everything is 'he said' and 'she said'. I'd like to work around intelligent people that are professional. I truly can not stand the people I currently work with.

The idea of going back to work literally makes me ill. I get sick. My stomach has been hurting so bad. I feel nausea and anxiety that is worse than ever right now. The only way I can even see myself returning and coping with that place is if I can have the xanax, but that won't happen. My only other option is to smoke pot again, that calms my nerves. Yes, it makes me feel like crap, but at least it's the lesser evil.



babbled by me @ 1:14 PM

~*~