10.12.2003
I don't remember very much that has happened for the past two weeks. It's like a total blackout.

I recall taking 4 xanax to sleep, but I don't remember which day. I ended up taking 90 of them.

Somehow I ended up on the phone with my manager and he called the police. I seem to have emailed, talked to people ingame, sent icq's and told a lot of people what I did, but I don't remember doing it!

The police tackled me, I remember that part and the pain because they pretty much kicked my ass. I was told later that I had punched and kicked two cops, thank goodness they didn't press charges. I'm not a violent person!! ahhhhh! I can't believe I did that to them! I remember nothing after hitting the floor.

The hospital was a nightmare. I won't go into details, but will say that giving birth without drugs was less painful than what they did to me there. :shock: I spent a bit of time in the ICU part of the hospital after leaving the ER.

So I ended up about 100 miles from home in a mental ward. The place was great and the staff there was super fabulous! An aunt of mine actually checked me in, she worked there! We chatted for an hour or so and I cried and she gave me hugs and told me that she went through 20 years of abuse and that she tried to kill herself back then too.

I was given my meds, had some rest and got back to my normal perky cheerleaderish self by the next day. I had my hearing with a judge and doctors and was told I would be released the day after that one. Whew. I spent time chatting with patients and did a bit of painting with one of the nurses, whom was very talented. (I almost didn't want to go home, that place is just too awesome)

So now I'm just recovering, the bruises are just starting to fade and I'm getting my energy back. I haven't felt like doing much in daoc, my energy level just drops whenever I log in.

I'm glad I lived and wish I could get my memory back.

I'm scared that this will happen to me again. It's like another person knocked me out and took over my body. I have never had a 'blackout' in my memory like this and it's disturbing.

This is definitely going to take a while to recover from.



babbled by me @ 8:07 AM

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