Memories
�Memories� Ryan Spence A sudden violent pounding in my door causes me to bolt upright in bed. Sleep still clouds my vision, but a realization that someone may be breaking in, quickly clarifies it. When the knocking is repeated I sigh realizing that there are no burglars. The one hammering at my door probably wishes to simply speak to the one living here. With a complete lack of grace, I throw of the covers and slide out of bed. Though there is a low lingering light, the air is cold and thick with moisture and I shiver. It is still the middle of the night I think to myself in agitation. Eager to put on something to ward off the chill I slip on my shirt and trousers. The knocking comes again, loud and insistent as I walk towards the door. �I�m coming already!� I yelled at the door. The knocking stops as suddenly as it began. Before the door I picked up the bat I kept leaning on the wall, in case of emergencies. At a time like this, I think to myself, they�re all sorts that would like nothing more than to leave a man broken in his own home and take everything he�d worked hard to posses. �Who is it!� I yelled. �Your mother, come for some tea,� was the sarcastic reply. A reply I hear all to often. Rolling my eyes I sighed and set down the bat. Deftly I unlatched the door. After fighting with the stubborn catch, it opens and I step aside. A short man in a heavy overcoat steps in. Casually he shrugs his soaked burden onto the floor behind him causing a wet thump. Water seeps out from under it. I know the man as Tomas. I�ve known him for what seems to be ages. Him and I are partners in our shipping company �That was clean you know,� I tell him, a resigned tone in my voice. �You�ll live,� was the reply. �Want to tell me why you woke me up in the middle of the night, Tomas, or am I to just bask in your ever charming presence?� I ask him, the patience gained during the day still warm under the covers. �Well, I don�t see why anyone wouldn�t want to,� came Tomas� defensive, yet amused reply. I glare at him with as much anger as I can muster. �Alright, fine.� He says in exasperation. �The shipment�s finally in. Though it was the middle of the night and the mind is usually not at its sharpest, I immediately knew what he was referring to. Tomas and I ran a dockside shipping company that specialized in the importing of specialty goods. Those goods were seemingly never the same. The running joke between us was that we�d never get bored. This particular package was over a week past its scheduled arrival and the paperwork required to explain its delay had been as frustrating as a tick behind the ear. With a grunt of disgust I say, �About time those idiots got it here. I was beginning to give up any shred of hope I still had left.� Sighing yet again I turned around and grabbed my coat from a lone hook on the wall and slip it on. �This had better worth the hassle their putting us through.� A lazy grunt was the response as Tomas turned and started walking out the door. * * * I take the glass and greedily swallow as much as I can of its fine content. Though the shipment had come in, it had been altogether different from what it should have been. As a general rule of thumb, my organization, as the middlemen between imported merchandise and the open market, inspect every crate that is passed through us. When I had attempted that same practice earlier on the belayed shipment, the men holding it denied me access. I had tried to explain to them that it was standard procedure, and that in order to check the shipment through, I had to inspect it first. One ox of a man had replied with barely veiled threats on my future well-being. Not once in my career have I been dogged by threats, this time was no exception. I need never worry about harm when dealing with customers because I keep my own small contingent of guards that excel in solving any problems of that sort. I used them this time to drain the hostile men of their bravado. My rules are simple things. If customers refuse to bide by them I refuse to have any dealings with them. Very seldom does this actually occur. Usually the threat of sending them back to the holes they came from empty handed, to face the ones who had originally sent them, keeps even the most hotheaded men in line. This time threats had followed countless threat. They refused to back down their demand for their shipment to be passed without inspection, so I had my guards give them a little E&E, that is, �Escort and Encouragement�, out of the store. Pretty much every one of them went kicking and screaming, their denied shipment on their heels. There was only one man that I had seen, who had never said anything nor raised a fuss. Usually I�d think of his sort as the proverbial �needle in a haystack�, the needle being the only sharp one in the bunch. Only, what I remember with vivid clarity about him wasn�t his civilized demeanor, but the look he had directed at me. Never before have I felt like livestock being measure up for the oncoming slaughter. �There is only so much of that, that you�re getting you know,� Tomas said, an eyebrow raised at the spectacle. Startled, my mind snapped back to the waking world with a suddenness that caused me to jump in my seat, spilling slightly on my shirt. Setting down the cup I replied, �What do you mean that �I�m getting�? This stuff is as much mine as it is yours.� �Ah, that it was,� he began, �until you gambled it, and, as I remember, lost quite spectacularly. �I was only joking,� replied defensively. Shaking his head Tomas replied, �joke or not, a bet�s a bet. Its all mine now and you know it. Besides I could hoard it all to myself, but instead I�m being ever so gracious and letting you have some. Just don�t make me regret my choice.� �Lucky for you then, that I cant stay long.� I say in mock disappointment. �I promised Loreana that I�d help her organize the wedding plans tomor� today.� I finish of the content of my cup and refill it. �You mean, she wants you to stand there while she comes up with things, so you can mindlessly agree to them all and make her feel special,� Tomas snorted, amused. I returned the snort in kind. �Pretty much yeah, but that�s my job, so I�ll suffer through it. Besides the last big occasion was her birthday and as you recall, we had to do a general inventory. It had taken all day, and close to all night.� I look out the window and see that the sun is just about to rise. I shake my head in disbelief, �Its just about morning already. I�m going to get going. I need to catch some sleep. Even though being with her will smooth out her memory of that last disaster, I�m sure that nodding off on her while she�s talking will somehow make matters worse.� Chuckling Tomas replied, �I guess so. I�ve heard her angry and frankly, I never want to experience THAT again. It was nice not talking business with you for once, even if it cost me a bottle of that relatively expensive vintage. Actually, lets just say the two balance each other out. Sort of. � I look at him inquisitively. With false bluster he responded, �Bah, get out of here before you drink another one you bum. Do you have any idea how much those things cost now a-days?� �Yes, I believe I do. I bought them remember?� I replied drying. �Yeah, but still,� he says smugly, �they have certain sentimental values.� To illustrate his point he drains one straight from the bottle. �How would I not have known?� I asked dryly, shaking my head at the scene. I gathered up my jacket and slipped it on slowly. It is still wet from the rain, but it�s too much of a hassle to carry. �Are you just planning on staying here for the rest of the night?� I ask him as I put on my boots. �I don�t see why not,� Tomas replies, �I have to be here again in the morning anyway. There�s no point in going home for an hour. Just make sure you show up in the afternoon. I hate having to work a double filling in for you.� �Like you�ve ever had the experience,� I answered over my shoulder as I walk out the door. �Remember to be careful,� Tomas yelled from the doorway. �There�s light, but no ones up yet and some peoples working hours are not yet over.� Waving a hand in dismissal I replied with a chuckle, �you sure you weren�t my mother come over for tea?� �Shut up,� was the swift response. * * * Weaving in and out of the side streets like a seamstress gone mad, I walked along, taking the most direct route home. The rain had finally stopped but the clouds refused to lift. Light from the now risen sun stuck the clouds producing a dull haze that seemed to cling to everything it touched. Puddles of water littered the roads and caused my already damp boots to be soaked yet again. Slowly without my realizing it, sleep began to creep up on me. My mind lingered on future events. I thought of Loreana and the wedding for one, my job for another. I grew preoccupied to the point that I forgot to look where I was going. Suddenly the sound of a something crashing behind broke me from my reverie. My awareness snapped back into place instantly. I stopped walking and tried to orientate myself to the surroundings. Only then did I realize, much to my horror, that nothing was familiar. Instead of turning around and trying to find my way back to anything that might be familiar, I continued, for fear of encountering the thing that had caused the crash, on down a side alley that seemed to twist and curve like a giant serpent. Only after I rounded yet another of the seemingly infinite curves in the alley did I realize my mistake. Immediately after I entered, two masked men appeared behind me, blocking the way back to the main street. One of the two men stepped toward me. Upon seeing him I froze. His eyes bore into me with a gaze that I�d never be able to forget. My mind swam back to the confrontation at the warehouse and the threats I had so casually shrugged away. I searched desperately for a means of escape but the one man blocked the passage, and a fence that seemed to stretch straight to the heavens rose up behind me. Both the men were large, filthy, and reeked of refuse. My thoughts momentarily drifted back through my memories to when I had set a trap to catch a mouse in my home. I had then gone away for a few days and had forgotten about it. When I had got home the smell had permeated everything, and, it had almost make me sick when I�d opened the door. �Well, if it isn�t Mr. Protocol,� Said the unmasked man in mock surprise. �What do you want from me?� I demanded. Though my voice was firm a slight quivering was in my voice. My clothing, although slightly damp from the rain, was growing soggy from sweat. �What do I want from you?� he echoed, �nothing anymore. What I�d wanted was my shipment to be passed, but you couldn�t do that could you. �I can�t pass unidentified goods,� I said hastily. �If it became known that things could be smuggled in through me I�d be ruined. I�d be shut down and locked up for the rest of my life. You can�t blame me for that!� �You�d be amazed at who I can blame,� the man replied coldly, advancing a step. I heard footsteps behind me and I remembered about the man there as well. I backed to the side as far as I could, and turned so I could keep both men in sight. Swallowing, but hoping to speak reason I said, �you don�t want to do something you�ll regret later. You don�t want to be hunted do you?� The man�s answering smile chilled me to the bone. I�m not a small man, but I�m not very large one either. I saw that the only chance I had was to make a break for it. In desperation I charged the man blocking the passage and silently prayed that I�d be able to get past him. When I hit him my hopes were dashed. I may as well have tried to charge through the brick walls around me. The man held me with demonic ease even though I thrashed and struggled with all of my being. I continued struggling for escape until one man withdrew a knife from his belt. The knife�s edge looked as wicked as the man�s smile. At the sight of the weapon I froze, my blood gone cold. �Maybe your partner will be willing to reconsider with you out of the picture, hmm?� the man asked, his voice hard. He drew back the knife My mind flashed and I seemed to remember things that I had long ago forgotten. I seemed to exist solely in the past, my body no more. I remembered the first day I the warehouse was opened, and how I found that I could never run things alone. I remembered when Tomas had come in and had somehow convinced me that my fledgling business was somehow doomed to failure without him. Most vividly though I remembered Loreana, and the first time I had seen her. Our eyes had caught and I knew, with frightening certainty that her and I were meant to be together. Suddenly something tore away those memories and I found myself leaning against the wall of the alley. The men were gone like the wraths I suppose they were. For a fleeting instant I dared hope that I�d imagined the whole thing. Only then did I feel the warmth and the pain. It was such a terrible pain� Doubled over, I gasped for a breath to feed my starved lungs. The first thing that becomes apparent to me once I draw breath is a burning pain in my side, as well as numbness in my feet. Slowly, I run my hand to the source of the pain in my side. I�m terrified by what I think may be there, but I need to know. The feel of warm wetness delivers to me the same feeling I would receive by being condemned to death by a judge �for hire�. Instead of a sick feeling in my stomach, as I would have expected, my lips curl up and I let out a maddened laugh. The pain that comes as a result only acts as fuel to my hysteria. The tears that begin to well cloud my eyes. Inside of me, emotions rage, like a jumbled cloud of chaos. The laughing slowly, subtlety, changes into racking sobs as the truth I�d forever feared finally comes to pass. They say that the pain of dying comes only partly from the wound itself. Instead it is the result of the hearts hopes, and plans being crushed, as though glass on wood being stepped on. Each piece breaks individually, slowly, and with as much pain as the last. I realize this now as my eyes, clouded from tears, refuse to clear. The numbing in my feet has creped, like a rat in the night, up my legs. As I feel around with hands growing steadily colder, I feel the damp cold of the ground, and I understand that I�ve fallen over. I felt neither the strange sensation of falling nor the impact of my broken body on ground, and I understand that the end is near. Death is said to be the greatest thief of all. It can steal so much without ever being caught let alone seen. It also takes what is most valuable to us. It is a spiteful fog of despair, jealous towards us to the point of blind, and bitter hatred. I match its hatred. Its caress, like that of an intimate lover, should not be known to me until I�m bent with age and tired of life. Why now, when I�m just beginning to experience it? It�s not fair that one so young as I have to die. It�s not fair. My mind drifts back from within it-self and I find that I cannot move. I feel a numb dull ache throughout my body, but nothing more. A tremble tries to escape my lips but in a shocking instant I realize that I can no longer draw breath. A calm overcomes me, seemingly from nowhere, and a cool acceptance overcomes the raging fears that had seemingly held me captive. The end was close now I realized. Instead of try to fight it, I try to embrace it. My last thoughts are that of my fianc�e, sleeping without a worry in her bed.
