Escape from M.H. (Mandos Hall)
Author: Dragonphyre
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Some slashy hintings. Weirdness. Cursing
Summary: Gil-galad wants to get out of the Hall of Mandos. Right now.
Sadly, he has to use this Sauron-cursed technology called “e-mail”…
Disclaimer: I do not own the elves, Mandos, the internet, marine mammals, or Disney’s Lilo and Stitch. So there.
Author’s Note: If you want, you can view this as a prequel to my other fic “Chatroom: No Nonelves Allowed!”
Sadly, that fic cannot be found on FF.net, as they banned chatroom fics.
So you can find it at http://www.geocities.com/celanya/ . Please reviews to [email protected]. I really appreciate them.
~*~
From: [email protected]
Subject: Here’s your bloody survey.
>>
1. What is your name?
I am Ereinion, son of Fingon. I was also known as Gil-galad, High King of the Noldor.
2. Who is your father?
High King Fingon.
3. Who is your mother?
Uh… I only knew her as “mom.” Does that count? o.o;
4.Do you have any siblings?
Nope.
5. If you have siblings, what are their names?
I already told you “no.”
6. List some of your accomplishments in your first life.
Hmm… I was the longest reigning High King in all history of our people. No other High King has claim to that. So there. Hehehe.
I said “no” about twenty times to Sauron when he was pretending to be nice, and it paid off. That’s because he never bothered to ask a twenty-first time before showing his true self being a stupid-head.
I had both Elven Rings Vilya and Narya in my possession before I gave them to Elrond and Cirdan.
I was also the youngest to become High King.
I founded Lindon.
7. What are some of your goals that you did NOT accomplish in your first life?
I didn’t save Elrond and Elros from the Sons of Feanor. I’m still sad about that.
I did not have an heir, but that can be pretty much ignored, since Elrond was my heir-apparent.
I never married.
I didn’t get to kick Stupid Head Sauron’s ass.
I didn’t get to ask Elrond out on a date. Darn it all. >.<
8. How did you perish?
Stupid-head Sauron wrestled me to death, despite the rumors of me being “melted by fire into something like chocolate sauce like the chocolate elfie I am.”* Who on Middle-earth said that, anyway? -_-*
9. Why do you feel that you are qualified for a second life?
I was the longest reigning High King of the Noldor. This proves that I DO want to live, and I KNOW how to survive, too!
10. What are your goals for this next life?
Ask Elrond out on a date, dammit!
Meet Elrond’s kids?
Finally beat Cirdan in that drinking game involving vanilla milkshakes.
Get a fluffy puppy. Cirdan never let me have one. I ended up with a fish in a bowl instead. And the darn fish outlived ME~! (not to mention it has out-grown it’s bowl o.o;)*
Ask Elrond out on a date.
If I can be High King again, I’ll rule justly. Just like last time.
Ask Elrond out on a date.
11. Do you intend any harm to anyone in this second life?
…Does poking at Celebrian to make her divorce Elrond count as harm?
I plot to beat the crap out of Sauron, if he’s still hanging around.
If Feanor and/or his sons are alive again, I intend to shove them off a cliff. To Maglor, I’ll give him a parachute, just to be nice.
Thank you for answering.
Signed,
Lord Mandos
END OF MESSAGE
~*~
*Three working Mandos Days later*
~*~
From: [email protected]
>>
Erienion,
My boy, but surely you could do better than that? To help you a bit, here’s what I did not accept.
1. You could have asked your father about your mother’s name. He’s still dead, you know.
2. You do not have to repeatedly refer to Sauron as “Stupid Head.” You’ve been watching too many movies, lad.
3. Trying to outdrink Cirdan in his vanilla milkshake drinking game is futile. My money is on the captain.
4. That fish you were given wasn’t a fish. It was a mammal, and it was called a humpback whale.
5. No, you may not poke Celebrian repeatedly to get her to divorce Elrond.
6. You need less than 3 in the harming category, anyway. Can’t have massive deaths after rebirths, you know.
Anyway, the survey was a tad outdated when you sent it to me, so I’ll send you and your father another one, and you can fill that out.
Signed,
Lord Mandos
END OF MESSAGE
~*~
*Somewhere in the Halls of Mandos*
Gil-galad: DARN IT ALL TO MANDOS~!!!!!!
Fingon:*somewhere nearby* Watch your language, boy!
Gil-galad: Oops. Sorry. -_- *pauses* Dad? What was mom’s name again?
~*~
To be continued?
1. The comment on melting like a chocolate elfie is mine. I’ve been reading too many fansites to Gil-galad. (not that’s like a bad thing. Hehehe)
Please send me reviews! My Chibi muses Elrond and Gil-galad love them! Look! *points to cute Chibis who are sitting on a pile of papers that are reviews*
Chibi Elrond: *Giggles and throws paper up in the air and laughs as they come fluttering down.*
Chibi Gil-galad: *has created a paper airplane and throws it at muse Kivan.*
Kivan: *is hit in the head by airplane* Ow!!
Hehe.