- MARRIAGE (PART 1)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
and after the
wedding,laid down the following rules: "I'll be home
when I
want,if I want and at what time I want - and I don't
expect any hassle
from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I
tell you. I'll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I> want
with my
old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about
it. Those are my
rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that
there'll be sex here at ten o'clock every
night......whether
you're here or not."
- MARRIAGE (PART II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding
anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm
getting
you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -
Cold
As Ever.'"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you
a
headstone
that reads,"Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
- MARRIAGE (PART III)
A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight
at the breakfast
table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, " And you
are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he
realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes
to
the phone after
many rings and the irritated husband says,
"What took you so long to answer the phone?" She
says,
"I was in bed."
"In bed this late.....doing what?" he asked.
"Getting a second opinion!"
- MARRIAGE (PART IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
"Mother of
Six" in spite
of her objections. One night, they go to a party.
The
man decides that
it's time to go home and wants to find out if
his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the
top of his voice,
"Shall we go home 'Mother of six'?" His wife,
irritated by
her husband's lack of discretion shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!'"
- MARRIAGE (PART V)
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving
each other the silent treatment. The next week the
man
realized
that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am
for
a flight to
Europe. Not wanting to
be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote
on
a piece of
paper, "Please wake me tomorrow morning at
5:00 am". The next morning the man woke up, only to
discover it was
9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious,
he
was
about to go and see why his
wife hadn't woke n him when he noticed a piece of
paper by the
bed....it said "It's 5:00am, wake up."