I don't know how I can tell this story in a way that would show the intensity of feelings which I hope to convey, since this is the first time I tried to put into words the things I have experienced that one unforgettable year. It all started when I got to know Paolo Gutierrez. He was a well-known musician, smart, charming, tall and dangerously good-looking. He was also Anne's boyfriend. Ann was my classmate in Advertising, a model, tall and also good-looking. They were a beautiful couple, as anyone would tell you. Anyway, I didn't really like him, because, despite his good looks and talent; to me, he was just another actor who was stuck on drugs and life in the fast lane. Simply put, I cannot abide what he represents, someone who had no discernible principles and goals in mind. Or so I thought.

Let me start at the beginning. I don't quite know how I first talked with him. Though we were never formally introduced, we knew each other on sight. I mean, it was a small university after all and Ann was my classmate, so it was inevitable that we would sometimes run into each other. After a particularly hectic day, as I was on my way home, I again ran into him. Since he was also headed in the same direction, we sort of made small talk. I wouldn't deny that he looked good, but that was simply not enough to hold my interest so all in all, I was unaffected by him. As we got to talk more, the topic shifted to his popularity (helped by me of course, I simply cannot resist teasing, or was it taunting? a bit). I asked him how it felt like to be a "Paolo Gutierrez", someone who had fame and money. He said he'd worked hard for everything he had, and though he was thankful for the money, he never really cared much for the being famous part. As I looked at him, I realized to my surprise that he was sincere in what he was saying, and was in fact not just uttering one of his well known lines. He had risen a few inches in my estimation, but not enough to make me admire him. After all, everyone must have at least some redeeming qualities. I can't recall everything that we talked about but suffice it to say that I was forced to admit that maybe most of my beliefs about him were prejudiced. I can't pinpoint the precise moment I realized there was more to him than what he has been presenting to the public eye. Maybe it was when he candidly admitted to doing drugs and then waking up one day to see that he was wasting his life. I know it's hard to credit but we were simply talking on the same wavelength, and I don't have an idea how it happened. For his part I think he was surprised that I wasn't like the others who became star struck at the sight of him, and though I didn't know it then I won his respect. And that was how it all started...

Not long thereafter, I frequently found myself in his company. We were always talking till the wee hours, and he was always asking me to accompany him everywhere. Ann was oftentimes busy with pictorials and stuff like that. He was on a well-deserved break after a successful album. We found out a lot of similarities between us, such as our passion for books and movies. Not to mention food. I loved cooking and he loved eating. Too late, I discovered that I've fallen for him. Stupid I know. I mean he had this really gorgeous girl, a sophisticated and elegant model who did ads for major companies. They were both popular, have been going steady for about 2 years now, and they even looked good together. So what would he need me for? But as I've said it was too late for me. Without my knowing it, I woke up one morning and discovered the reason why my heart seemed to beat a little faster when he was near, why I felt breathless and why my stomach twisted itself into little knots every time we're together. Clich�? I know. Stupid? Definitely. But there was little I could do. I tried avoiding him at first, but that was like cutting my nose to spite my face. I simply realized I'm happiest when I'm with him, so why fight it? Aaaargh. I wouldn't even question that brainless decision. I guess I just closed my eyes and hung on for dear life. Anyway, I wasn't really sure about his feelings. I always assumed he considered me his best friend. But if that was the case, why does he hold my hand when we walk? Why does he feel the need to put his arm around me? As if I was his girl? It was like he was glued to my side, the way he was going. Even Ann seemed nonexistent. Useless questions, since it might be all imagining on my part. After all, I can't fight a relationship like that. They were almost engaged, for crying out loud! So anyway, this went on for a few more months until that one night. I'd like to think of that night as the turning point...

As usual, we were on our way to see a movie. We were both surprised when we met Ann at the mall. Turns out one of her pictorials were just finished. So she thought she'd come and see the film with us. This was a premier night, and never mind the fact that we've been planning this for months and months now. After all, she was the girlfriend. Why she took a sudden interest in the movie she always thought was boring (according to Paolo) was not important. What's important is she was there; ready to take things where she left off. Maybe it was because she felt she was slowly losing Paolo, and beautiful though she was, she still felt threatened. And so she decided to again make her presence felt. Upon seeing her, we of course broke hand contact, and she slowly insinuated herself between us making me feel like a third wheel, which of course I was. Confronted with this kind of competition, I knew I could never deal. And so feeling as if I was dying a little inside (forgive me for another clich�, it seems I cant escape them) on the pretext of getting the refreshments, I decided to go ahead of them. As I was walking farther away, I heard her say, "Look, I know I have been neglecting this relationship and I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you� can you give me another chance?" I hated to hear the part where he'd say he loved her, thereby making it clear to me that the time we spent did not mean anything to him, and so before he could speak I ran and went on home. I never really thought about how it would end� kind of surprising how anticlimactic it all was. It suddenly just happened. And I became numb to everything around me. Zoned out for quite a while.

But then as everyone would say, life goes on. With or without you. I accepted that I was not indispensable. So I tried getting back on track. Hard, of course. But I managed. After a week, he called. I was surprised but I knew it had to happen someday. You have to have closure right? So I tried to sound all happy and ask how he was going, stuff like that. He said he wanted to talk and asked if he could come over. I tried to dissuade him because I knew seeing him would be all the more harder for me. Still I was left without a choice, for it turns out he was outside the house already, and if I didn't come out to face him he would be staying there till I will. Might as well give in now, because I knew he would really do what he threatened. I was angry at that point thinking he was a real insensitive lout, never caring that seeing him'd hurt me. Here I go again getting carried away. To go back to what I was saying, I went out and met him. I asked him why he had to come; I mean what he wanted to say he could've said over the phone. Instead of answering, he asked me why I left that "night". My face just froze and onto it settled this kind of mask and I asked him what for (while my mind was screaming at him for being a jerk). At that point he got all tongue tied in trying to apologize for what happened, I of course cut him off saying it was nothing. He said everything was over between him and Ann. Shocked would be an understatement to describe how I felt. Having the breath knocked out of me would be more accurate. Of all the things he'd say this I least expected. And though I know it was foolish, I felt this little flame of hope inside my chest. I asked him why. He said "it was unfair for her to continue the relationship when my heart wasn't in it anymore. I know you can sense my feelings, for I can't help but show them to you every time we're together, and though I haven't said it in so many words, I do love you. As for Ann and me, we were having problems already before you and I met, which is why I know falling for you has got nothing to do her. Can you give us another chance? And this time we'll do things right." Slowly, a radiant feeling of happiness the closest to nirvana that I've ever felt began to spread through my whole being. But wait, I also remembered that it has been a week since that fateful night. Why now? Why had he not come before now? So I asked him the question that my brain kept screaming at me. He told me he was scared because he really wasn't sure of my feelings, as I never did give him any indication of how I felt (duh As if letting him treat me like his girl wasn't clue enough. All right, some guys can be really thick. Oh well). But then again, he couldn't just let me go without knowing one way or another, if there was any chance for him at all. So there he was. After he finished speaking, I simply threw myself at him and cried my eyes out. And call me stupid but I couldn't find it in myself to give him a hard time waiting for my decision. Right then and there I told him I loved him too. But not before I was sure he wouldn't renege on what he promised, that we'd do everything right.

That's my story. Typical? Maybe... but I'm happy for that.