| Wednesday March 5th 2003 A year ago Sunday, I started this web site. I sat down in my basement and went to Geocities, created an account, and looked at an empty screen for a minute. Then I started writing. Having a record of this past year of my life brings with it a sense of reassurance; like old photographs, it's captured moments of my life for me to review and remember. I don't have to wonder what I did with myself this year and have only a scant memory or two come to mind. I can review, and remember. I think I'd like to buy a camera. My head was in a different place a year ago. A year really can change a lot about you. I noticed it most in highschool, when each year seemed to creep by at a snail's pace. I still feel like far more than six years of my life were spent there. A year ago I was contemplating the aftermath of separating from my ex, wondering what to do with myself. In April I moved out. Over the summer I met some good people - culminating with the ultimate encounter in August, when I met LA online. In just a year's time I've gone from having wide open horizons to a more certain future once again. At the same time, this makes me feel like a year is actually an incredibly short amount of time. I still feel like I just started this site yesterday - where did an entire year go? It bothers me in another respect as well. I didn't think I ever wrote anything too personal here, but in actual fact almost every entry is personal - every one of them says something about me. And unlike the highschool diary I burned in my parents' fireplace one day when they weren't home, I can't erase it from the memory of the world. A pen and paper diary brings a feeling of catharsis because you feel you are sharing something with the world - you are letting it out. But later, when you're over it, you have the safety of destroying that record before anyone actually sees it. But an online diary isn't like that. What's created cannot be destroyed. There's probably a Latin expression for that - reading Eco has put me in the mood for Latin expressions. What happens when I delete this site someday? How will I bring myself to do it? Can I hide a copy away in some dust covered electronic file folder? All things must end, but nothing needs to be forgotten. |