| Thursday January 23rd 2003 Alas, my self-congratulations from yesterday met a bitter end last night, when LA revealed, upon reading my web site entry and with much disappointment, she had 'Remember the Future' on order and was going to surprise me with it. It arrived yesterday, apparently, after a fairly lengthy wait. So, I goofed. Not that I had reason to suspect a surprise gift for any reason, but because I never mentioned to her I was even aware Enigma had produced such a thing, much less had been considering buying it for so long - much less had run out and done so this past weekend. I explained I hadn't said anything about it since, knowing she's not an Enigma fan, I didn't think she'd be interested. When she said I should always tell her things that are going on in my life, whether I think she'll be interested or not, I was about to argue with her. But you know, she's right. It's a hard concept to put into words, because the opposite extreme - always keeping tabs on each other in every circumstance - can be bad too. But I know I'd like to know what her interests are, and what desires she's pursuing, whether I'd personally pursue them or not. Certainly there's things she's into that I'm not, but I still like talking with her about them and hearing her thoughts. So I suppose that when I'm afraid I'm boring her to death (and maybe I am), at least I'm showing I want her to be a part of my life and fully see everything I like and am. And part of it is the distance thing too, I think. We want to feel as together as possible despite being physically apart (for now). Things that she would know if she were living with me, she only knows if I tell her, and oversights like this one probably make her feel the distance more acutely. I like talking to LA about what I bought for groceries, how long it took me to get home on the bus, what I'm cooking for dinner, what time I'll go to bed tonight. Dumb things, really, except it grants more of an illusion as though she's here; as though I didn't tell her at all and she knows these things because she's here and watching. I'm proud of how we've handled our distance relationship. It requires a lot of trust; a lot of phone calls; visits whenever possible. Patience and determination - by both parties. We've weathered the storm fantastically well, I think. Now that's self-congratulations I won't need to apologize for. |