| Saturday August 31st 2002 Sorry for the long silence folks; when I'm online lately, I've been otherwise occupied. I've done a bad, bad thing. I've become deeply, emotionally attached to someone I only know through the internet and one brief phone conversation - exactly the sort of thing I looked down on my ex for doing. Once again, I'm proven to be a hypocrit :P Where's the pride?? Who cares! :) Nope, not the one here in Ottawa (I'm meeting that one today as a matter of fact, but strictly as friends). The one who isn't - but she's still within driving distance. We've been chatting for maybe two weeks now and ... wow ... nothing about her I don't like. She is perfect. I don't say that to myself often. Only once before, in fact, way back in highschool. There is one peculiar phenomena at work here that I'm struggling to explain: for the first time, I've met someone I'm reluctant about sharing this URL with. Folks at work have the address. Other people I've met online have it. Family has it. Friends have it. But even when she talked about how she'd bought a journal, I kept mum on the subject. I'm not sure why. Maybe if I can cook up a good explanation here for her to read, I'll change my mind. I think it's that, with someone I'm this impressed with, I want total control over the impression I make on her. Normally I'm like, "this is who I am, take me or leave me." But I very much don't want her to choose the leave me option. I haven't ducked any of her questions - she knows things about me you'll never see in print here, that's for sure - but I always know what those questions are and can answer them in a controlled environment. Once she gets on here, there may be all kinds of stuff she wonders about, but forgets to ask and I don't get a chance to explain or talk about (I'm not thinking of specific examples, just the overall impression), but still affects her impression of me. At the same time, I'm not about to keep sharing journal-style thoughts with all the rest of the world and deny them to this person who's become so important to me. So I think I'll take the risk. Pretty soon I'll invite her to check it out. Maybe when the subject comes up again. And I promise I won't go back to my archives and edit anything :) |