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This page is going to be a little bit of a mixture. Basically i want to give some advice, tips, and stories about finding the Dominant that is right for you. Of course, i dont have all the answers, this is just a lil guide. As i said before, i have been active in the lifestyle for about 4 years. i very much wish i knew back when i started, what i know now. my life would have been so much easier. But W/we all have to start some where. As Y/you are reading through this, remember E/everyone is different, and what works for me, may not work for Y/you. |
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The very, very first thing Y/you have to decide is what Y/you want out of Y/your relationship. What will make me happy? What needs do i have? What is a must, and what is a maybe, but could live without. The easiest way to do this, i believe, is to simply sit down, and make a list. Put the most important things at the top and work Y/your way down. i also find it easier to start with the big, basic things. Respect, Trust, Honesty, and Love. To me, these are automatic. Love is a tough one, that will pop up later on down the road though. Obviously, Y/you arent going to love S/someone the first time Y/you are with them. However, the relationship should have potential for love is this is something on Y/your list. Trust is automatic. If Y/you cannot trust S/someone, Y/you should not even attempt a relationship with T/them. This can cause such problems. i believe basic trust can be found fairly early. Consistency with T/themselves and Y/you is the easiest way to tell. With words and actions. Over time, Y/your trust will grow as Y/you learn to read them better, and understand them. Respect should also be automatic. If S/someone does not respect Y/you, you have no place being with them. It doesnt matter who or what you are. Respect is an absolute. submissive does not mean doormat, or piece of nothing. In my own personal beliefe, a submissive should always show respect until given a reason not to. So the respect she has for a Dominant should be evident from the very beginning. Honesty should also be automatic, in all forms. If O/one lies early on, about anything, who knows what it can turn into. This is something that one really has to watch for online. It is easier for someone to attempt to cover up their lies online. i cannot stress how important it is to watch for lies. Lies regarding anything, T/themselves, expecations, experience, jobs, etc. Lies can create dangerous, hurtful situations, so please be careful.
The next step, i believe deals with deciding the expectations Y/you have of Y/yourself, the other P/person, and the relationship. This can be family related, emotional, physical, careers, anything really. Do Y/you want a 24/7 relationship, once a week, once a month, simply in the bedroom, or something in between? Are Y/you looking for simply a friends with benefits relationship, or more? Do Y/you want someone Y/you can introduce to Mom and Dad, or take to company picnics? Do Y/you want D/s with only the control and not the sex? Or the opposite, just the sexual control and nothing more. It is a very good idea to have these things decided before Y/you start talking with O/others. Granted some things may change, and Y/you may intertwine them with what T/they want as well, but Y/you really need a starting point. |
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