A testimonial of becoming a Christian, disciple of Jesus Christ and a missionary.
Hi, my name is Gabriel Ward. I became a member of The Family International, formerly known as the Children of God, since November of 1970. I recently terminated my membership in the group in July of 2005, but I continue my life as a missionary of Jesus Christ.
As a youth I was always interested in music. I therefore decided to study different forms of contemporary of my day. I learned to sing at an early age. I then I started a collection of my own 45s and LPs. I enjoyed the Beatles and looked up to them as intelligent and smart, with an understanding of the younger generation. I learned to play the guitar and sing their songs from the age of 13. After intense study and much practice I became the lead vocal of a local band. I was brought up a Roman Catholic, but at the age of 16 I decided to do my own research and pursue other interests, so I stopped going to church on Sunday.
Nevertheless, I was still very interested to discover if there really was a God of Love, and what He thought about me personally.
I continued my search for truth as I delved deeper into the Beatles recordings of their darker side, along with Iron Butterfly, Deep Purple, Jimmy Hendrix, Janis Joplin, etc. I wanted to become like them. They were my mentors, my gods, my life. So that is what I became; Dark, confused most of the time, incoherent, impatient, unloving. This is what that kind of music did to me. I started my own rock group and spent a lot of my time singing empty meaningless songs, which only brought me further down and deeper into the darkness. I got into drugs so bad that I almost died three times from overdoses.
Many of my friends were getting sent to Viet Nam as they were drafted and some of them never returned. Those who did became crazy. I thought I was next, so I decided to join the Air Force instead..
Actually this did save my life as I had a fairly easy life in the Air Force as a jet engine mechanic. However, this was the not the profession I was interested in making it my life. I was still a bit of bewilderment and constant confusion of why I was here on earth.
I thought that somehow being Catholic might save me from a horrible death in Vietnam. I sought the help and advice of friends, professionals, pastors, etc. I somehow gathered from my friends that the way to happiness and bliss was through the world of substance abuse, so I followed suit, due to the peer pressure that surrounded me. I found momentary peace, comfort and what I thought was understanding during that Age Of Aquarius amongst the counter-culture flower children and their music, customs, free-love, religions, and speech.
The funny thing about all of this was that you can find a little truth, happiness, satisfaction and joy in each thing you pursue, you can find sincere sweet people, and some meaning to life, but as I tried each one I had the funny feeling that there was something weird, something strange, something incomplete about that way of life and its myriad of ways to find the truth. Something funny, and something felt just not right. Something made me feel a bit sick inside about this way of thinking.
I have met many sweet people from all walks of life, and I am not saying that the poor people involved in these different strange churches and religions and groups etc. are all bad and evil. Many of the people may actually be searching for the truth, and in their zealous desire to find it, actually did manage to find some truth. But the problem is, when people find it they stop searching. That one little sliver of truth becomes distorted, and bent out of shape because of not much to base it on. It is not supported by other truths so when they are hit by the big lies, they are deceived, becasue it is very close to the truth, or looks like the truth, even has alot of truth mixed in with it. If you are going to search for the truth, you have to accept it when it comes, and I mean The Whole Truth and nothing but the truth. You cannot say you are living the truth when your life does not reflect it. If you know anything at al about Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden you know that Satan entered in and lied to them, but he mixed his lies with some truth of what God said."Hath not God said?..." God DID say for them to not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because, as He said, they would die (he meant spiritually) but the enemy presented it to them a bit differently, accusing God to them...."ye shall not surely die, but in that day that you eat of it your eyes shall be open and ye shall be as gods (little "g".) Well, God knew that that would happen, and that is why he did NOT want them to eat of it because he did not want them to die spiritually. You cannot say you have found the truth when you are still in the dark.
I knew I had to start making some serious decisions for my life before those decisions were made by someone else I did not even know. I had medical problems that gave me an early discharge from the Air Force. After I was discharged, I decided to continue my quest to find the truth and purpose for life. I traveled around and my journeys took me to California, where it was said that everyone would find whatever it was they were seeking. I had actually decided to try learning about agriculture and had made efforts to study farming in the mountains of Oregon. To support myself and raise funds to reach Oregon I was able to fall back on my minstrel talents by entertaining in live houses and nightclubs around San Diego and L.A. I was intent on not wasting my life, and new that I must not give up until I found the answers about life I was seeking. I knew there was something missing from my life and that only God could help me find the meaning of life, but I did not know where to find Him. That is why I hoped that by living in the mountains and learning to how to grow food would somehow bring me close to nature, and thus God. That is when I believe that God answered the deepest most desperate cry of my heart for the truth, and what I was supposed to do with my life.
I had a sudden urge to walk, strange as it may seem, all night and all the next day. While I was walking all around L.A. I was praying, asking God to lead me and guide me. I knew He had a special place for me. I then noticed a Salvation Army mission building on the opposite side of the street I was walking. I did not realize it but I was now walking down the center of Skid Row.
I went inside and asked if I could stay there for the weekend before trying to complete my trip to Oregon. I was 20 years old at the time. The nice man suggested that I try the place just down the street from here as there were a lot of young people your age there. So I thought that was a good tip. I hurried down the street a few blocks down and as I approached a similar looking building I saw a large sign hanging vertically from the side of the building with large neon letters that said Jesus Saves. As I approached the building, the front door swung open and a young girl and man walked out, saw me crossing the street and the girl yelled out Jesus Loves You! very enthusiastically. I answered and said that I was really happy to hear that! With that I was invited inside. I saw a man behind a desk in the greeting office, and I told him that I was looking for a place to stay for the weekend. To which he sincerely replied, We have a place for life! Was this an invitation to join them? I thought. Live in Skid Row for the rest of my life doing what? So I asked questions like what would I be doing here, and they answered me and shared Bible verses with me about being born again. I soon found myself kneeling down, closing my eyes and praying to ask Jesus into my heart. This was the beginning of my new life.
Yes, it was through The Children of God now called The Family Internationjal that I found Jesus, they were merely the ministers by whom I beleived. It was at that time I prayed, cried and asked Jesus into my heart. I know He changed me right then on the spot. I was different. I no longer wanted to smoke cigarettes, take drugs, or follow my own way. I found the Way, the Truth and the Life, and God showed me that the best way to fulfill His calling in my life was to learn all I can about the Bible and obey His commission to "Go Ye INto all the world and preach teh Gospel to every creature.
I became a full time Bible student, and missionary trainee. I was young, enthusiastic, vulnerable, in a perfect state to join a mass movement, not realizing what I was joining at the time.It was the dedication to the Lord and His Word in the Bible to preach the Gospel to every creature, obeying His commandment in Mark 16:15, and to love one another, that attracted me along with the music as I was a musician. It was much later, after struggling again and again on the missiona field, after many years I found out the truth about what I had joined. Many things were kept secret, only the very top leaders knew about them. There were rules, strict ones, but the leaders were exceptions. I continued in my missionary work and made many friends, mostly people who were trying to be sincere missionaries. I was never close to any of the leaders, and when I tried my hand at a leadership position I was told I was not cut out to be a leader, so I just went back to being a missionary winning souls, leading them to Christ.I received a wake up call when Ricky Rodriguez, who had been called Davidito, murdered Angela Smith in his apartment,then killed himself. This crime brought to light many abuses that this group and it's leadership was responsible for. Ricky was called Davidito and was the son of David Berg, the founder of this group, and Keren Zerby, Queen Maria. He was not in the Family at the time, but was brought up and trained to take over the group one day. Hw was raised in a very sexually liberated environmentin his own house where adult with child sex was encouraged and allowed.There were other factions of the group who followed similar trends, but there were also those that were far removed from the mainstream of this abuse and training that did not adhere to it. The leadership did not want me around so much anyway and were always sending me as far as they could. I was glad, so Icould get out where I belonged, out to the highways and byways with God's message of salvation in word and song. If you want to know more details as to why I left the group you can email me. So Has it come to this? I So what are we here for? What are you here for? Have you found the answer to that question? What have you done with your life? Never mind what Ricky did with HIS and what others did with THEIRS,What I did with MINE, What will YOU say when YOU stand before God Almighty some day and He asks you very lovingly, What have YOU done with YOUR life?
How will you answer? I would not want to leave this life without finding the truth about why I am really here, and what is my purpose in life. You are not really an adult until you have not only grown up and learned how to take care of yourself, but when you have also learned to take care of OTHERS besides yourself properly and lovingly. You have not really matured into a real adult until you can face people including children calmly and treat them kindly and lovingly, and also learned to sacrifice for others. This is the whole purpose of it all. To learn to love God and others. This is the whole mystery of life. You can read all the literature in the world, watch all the movies, gain all the knowledge in the world, learn to speak every language, and make all the money in the world. However, if you have not learned how to love, it is not really worth anything now is it?
You will still be sad, you will still be empty, and you will still be fearful and lonely. You will become bitter without any real friends to comfort you, because you chose the path of self-satisfaction only to find that the path of self-satisfaction does not really satisfy. Only Jesus and His love can satisfy. Every burden becomes a blessing when I know my Lord is nigh. I have learned this. He is the one who can answer the heartaches and can fill the void of every human being on the face of the earth.
Jesus has little or nothing to do with what religion or church you belong to if you do . Just to receive the Love of God is so simple and it has nothing to do with ceremonies, or religion, or traditions. Why not try it? You just pray a little prayer and ask Jesus to come into your heartand forgive all of your sins. He already won the war 2000 years ago over Satan, ans all we have to do is acknowledge that fact, receive Him, beleive in Him, confess HIm before others, beleive in your heart and confess with your mouth.
Just say yes to Jesus today. He is knocking at the door to your heart. He is so gentle and will not force you to open the door, but He asks you to open the door to your heart because He wants to give you the most precious gift you ever had. Eternal life! The gift of living forever! Not as some cloud or mist in some unknown part of the universe, or just existing as some form of energy. This eternal life means that you will be with him and others in Heaven, and get to actually enjoy the many many pleasures He has prepared for those who love Him!
This is real salvation! Saved now from your life of fears, loneliness, confusion, loveless life, hate, stress, sickness, sadness, and saved for all eternity. When you finally leave this life which way are you going to go?
I became a missionary, and I came to Japan in 1972 to make friends and to teach people about the Love of God as explained in the Bible. I spent most of my time out on the boonies, away from the maddening crowds, in the far flung cities , out on the streets, parks, bars, restaurants, shops, offices, and other places where people gather to preach them the Word of God. I had no time to get involved in the politics, hokuspokus, gimmickry and abuses many others did. I heard bits and pieces from here and there, but everytime I tried to report something I didn't get an answer, or got a nice "God Bless You. We Love You" and nothing was done to rectify the situation I reported or heard about. So although I was not an eyewitness to the actual abuses, I beleive I still tried to bring them to light, but got put down, sent out, told to forget it. Salvation is a miraculous change that happens when you receive Jesus, the Son of God, into your heart. A change, as teh Bible says, "If any man be in Christ he is a new creature, Old things are passed away, behold all things are become new.! It is this new creature you will become in which Jesus wants to live, walk and talk through you and let His light shine through you so that others may see Jesus in you! No, we don't just get saved and now that we know we are going to go to heaven when we die go live like hell. That is not the kind of salvation Jesus was talking about. A truly born again Christian is a follower of the teachings of Jesus Christ. Not just a once a week church goer. That won't save you anymore than eating bread or drinking wine. That means you want ot grow as a Christian in knowledge and graces of Jesus Christ. You want to find out all you can about who Jesus really was, what he really did, because now you are going to be living like He did. How did he live and what did he do? You have to read the Bible to find out. You have to read the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John to find out who Jesus was, what He did, and what He wants you to do too with your life.
When you finally leave this life which way are you going to go?
Do you want to know what heaven is like?
What eternal life is like? Life in Heaven?
You can have it right now, right here, and heaven in your heart. Just take Jesus. Into your heart, into your life, into your home, Why not try Jesus? What have you got to lose? Nothing but this Old World.
Well, maybe it has given you a few nice things you are thankful for, But a lot of it is bad, so why not have Jesus? Just open the door to your heart; He said He would come in. Do you feel that tug? Can't you feel Jesus tugging on your heart, gently urging you to open up and let Him in? The Bible says He is knocking at the door to your heart. But you are the only one who can open it from the inside. There is no doorknob on the outside, only the inside. Only you can make that decision to let Him into your heart, into your life. You know you have done bad things in your life. God knows it all too. But He is willing to forgive you if you just say yes; I want you to come in my heart, Jesus. You can be completely forgiven. That is why He died on the cross. For the sins and mistakes of everyone, and anyone. It does not matter what country you were born in. It does not matter what religion you were brought up to believe in.
It does not matter if you think you are not good enough. Nobody is good enough. That is why we need Jesus and His forgiveness. Because we cannot save ourselves. No one can ever be good enough himself or herself to go to heaven. You have to receive His free gift right from His hand. That is the only way. It is not of yourself the Bible says, it is a gift from God.
Just pray Jesus, please come into my heart. I want to know more about You and Your love and how I can love You and others.
If you believed that prayer, then Jesus came in and he is living in your heart. He will give you His power of love and teach you how to use His Word to guide your life and the lives of others. You can join the millions of others who right now at this moment are experiencing His love and peace in their hearts wherever they are all over the World.
You also can sing the song of salvation, which even the angels do not know and cannot sing. You have been forgiven and will live forever in the kingdom of God. But do not stop there. Try now to find out as much as you can about the Bible, His Words for you and learn how you can share it with others.
You can learn many things about Jesus, the Bible, and read about the experiences of others before and after they also found this new way of salvation. This is nothing new. It has been happening for 2000 years.
You can learn how the Bible changes the course of history and influenced the lives of millions and millions of people including kings, presidents, scientists, doctors, businessmen, and people in every walk of life. Find out how the Bible changed the course of whole nations and continents. This is not any ordinary Book! You can learn how to fight discouragement, fear, stress, sadness, loneliness, and how to find the answer to your many questions about life, and how to solve your many problems you must face from day to day.
When I found Jesus, I knew this was it! His commission to me was clear! Many of those I witnessed have a miraculous change in their lives going from totally confused, suicidal drug addict -rock addict hippies or students to happy, useful, fulfilled, positive, love-filled, purpose-filled productive lives. I have learned many things and done many things to help others and I have never regretted it. Life has not been without its dark moments, battles and trials believe me, but when I found the answer, the reason we are here, and applied it to my life I found you can rise above even the most tragic difficulties with faith in God and His Word.
I cannot really tell you all that I have done because I know it has been only Him. I have been involved in ministries that have helped people find new productive lives, and furthered the Gospel. From various music ministries such as charity concerts, campfire singing, club singing, recording, live houses, street singing, person to person singing, shows at institutions for orphans, juvenile correctional institutions, hospitals, Senior Citizen retirement homes, day care centers, schools, parties, youth gatherings, etc.
When you die God will ask you, What have you done with your life? What have you done for others? What have you done for Me? What will He say to you? Will He say, Enter into your reward, for I hungered and you fed Me, I was thirsty and you gave Me drink, I was naked and ye clothed Me, I was sick and in prison and ye visited Me, for inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the LEAST of these my brethren, ye have done it unto ME. Or will He say, Enter into everlasting fire, shame, darkness and contempt, for I hungered and ye fed Me NOT, I thirsted and ye gave Me NOT drink, I was naked and ye clothed Me NOT, sick and in prison and ye visited me NOT, for inasmuch as ye have NOT done it unto one of the LEAST of these my brethren, ye have NOT done it unto ME. (The Gospel of Matthew Chapter 25) Which way will YOU go? Will He say unto you, Well done thou good and Faithful servant, enter thou into the joy of the Lord. ? When the saints go marching in do you want to be in that number? If you do then you should immediately find out what you need to do in order to straighten things out between you and God, you and others. The only way to be happy is to make others happy. Love God and love your neighbor, on these two commandments hang all of the Law and the entire Bible. No matter what your religion, or belief, without Love it is nothing and will come to nothing. Your life will come to nothing without real love, true love,unconditional love, the Love of God. That is all the religion you need! Receive Jesus into your heart and life today, before it is too late! You will never know what something really tastes like until you try it, with an open and honest heart and mind.
If you want to personally contact me my e-mail address is: [email protected]
I would be happy to hear from you.
Yours in His Love,
Gabriel Ward
