It felt like something was enraged. Thrashing around, trying to get out of my skull. A constant and steady thumping as it threw itself. Over and over again it hit the inner bone walls of my mind. Frantic, it scratched as it withdrew for another charge. Triggering a harsh sound like metal dragged over stone. Creating bright pinpoints of sparks which burned my eyes. The flashing pain made me want to return to the darkness and silence of before. Oh, how I wanted desperately to surrender into that sweet oblivion! A teasing and sampling taste of the only peace I knew of. Since in it there were no memories. Good or bad they both haunted me. It took everything I had to hold them back, to remember to breathe, to keep moving.

I wanted to remain still in the darkness. Become just a tiny seed with a bit of fluff on one end. Let that be my spirit, caught in a soft breeze to float away. Torn free from the stalk of life to join the others-my family, my friends and everyone I had ever met or known. Or if not that, simply nothing would do. At least there would be no pain or guilt. But then that would be too easy. They would be disappointed. If I just broke my promise and threw what they had given me away.

With the aid of what appeared to most as just an oddly heavy-dull copper looking bracelet I had cheated death. In truth it was an alien device which opened different pathways in time and reality. I had endless possibilities to choose from. And all I needed to do was find the right one.

Earth, my planet of birth, was dead. By an alien enemy which systematically annihilated every city from orbit. So many had died and those few who remained were over come by fear. Panicked, herded and enslaved easily by guards who landed next.

From my husbands notes I had learned the enemy was called the Goa'uld. He also referred to them as "snakes." I had only seen one from a distance on my way back to Colorado from Minnesota.

He looked human. Handsome even, with dark hair, skin and eyes but within was the snake. Wrapped around the cervical vertebrae and attached to the mind. It was the master of the body now, the original owner to it a near helpless witness.

Besides his strange but flashy garments there were a few other things that told me who he was. The dark brown eyes brightened in an angry flash. His voice was arrogant and easily echoed over the tall cornfield neighboring the cabin. From the safety of a thick nearby grove of trees surrounding a now abandoned farmhouse I cautiously approached. Then listen as he admonished one of his guards. They, again according to my husband’s notes were called Jaffa.

I managed to get very close on all fours through the muck without a sound, the underbrush damp and soft. Hidden behind some tall wind teased grass near a sheltering low branch of a pine I witnessed the Goa'uld's cruelty first hand. Flat on my stomach I watched him between the green blades.

Gold covered finger tips and in the palm a round crimson orb glowed. Ember like, the edges became orange and the center white hot yellow as it powered up. He was wearing a ribbon device and without hesitation he used it.

Rounded waves of energy sprung forth. The space between the devise and the reprimanded guard distorted as if the air had become super heated. Like over a fire only with circular distinction as the Goa'uld motioned a push at the armored man. The Jaffa hit with the blast was flung back. Towards the very towering pine I was hiding near. His back smashed against a trunk of a young maple a few yards away instead. The slender tree obligingly bent rather than snapped. Springing back it tossed the limp form of the punished guard to the ground.

My eyes widened in confusion as I pressed hand over my mouth. It was to hold back a cry of surprise. For when the serpent helmet folded down to revile the victims face I recognized it. He was a man, who along with Teal'c, had been like family to me. And they both along with others had taught me how to defend myself and fight.

"Uncle Bray!" I could only whisper. Frozen in horror I could not tear my gaze away. Ever since my husband’s earlier urgent phone call I kept telling myself this was just a nightmare. Still I found myself following his first precise instructions with a calmness that surprised me. Maybe it was from my brief stint in the Air Force. Or that I just kept telling myself, I’ll wake up soon and get back to work on my term paper for the summer quarter. And the explosions and cries I heard before the line went dead were not real.

As if feeling my eyes upon him or perhaps he just heard me, Bra'tac cautiously turned. Our eyes met as the other Jaffa approached with confident leisure. Astonishment widened his eyes. In silent question, I showed him the nine-millimeter. One of a number of things I had found in the package my husband had told me where to find in the cabin.

Bra’tac gave me a quick and curt shake of the head for a "no." Not wanting to draw their attention he refused to look at me again. Instead rose shakily to his feet. Then to draw them farther away, he walked to them. Torn between wanting to help and the dismal odds of success, out of respect for his wisdom I stayed put.

The Goa'uld's voice boomed as he demanded. "I give you this one last chance, Bra'tac to redeem yourself to your god. Those of the Tau'ri who dare to defy me are dead. And their kin will be mine or will die! The female! Where is she?"

Careful not to look at me Bra'tac lied, "I do not know." But then he glared defiantly at the Goa'uld before growling. "But it matters not. Since, you are nothing but a false god!"

"Very well, shol'va. But know this. She will die sooner or later. This planet will be tao qua. By my hands the korush'nai has already been planted into the mountain before the Star Gate." The Goa'uld sighed then verbally spat, "Kill him!" He turned to leave, not giving it another thought as four guards escorted him away. Three remained. Two of them proceeded with the execution.

With the butt end of a staff weapon one of them knocked, Bra'tac to his knees. While the other guard, leveled his. It gave an electric hiss as its four paneled tip snapped opened, reveling the deadly barrel. An icy calm suddenly filled me. Biting down on my lower lip in determination, I slowly raised the handgun again. But this time took aim at the executioner face and waited for a signal from Bra'tac to act.

I tried to ignore the fact that time was quickly running out. The Goa’uld and his escorting guards were of course in no hurry. And we needed them to put as much space between Bra’tac and myself as possible. We would need every second to take out the remaining three before the others with their leader returned. I tried not to even worry about if I could even hit the primary target from this distance. Let alone would the bullets even pierce the executioner's armor if my aim was too low. Maybe I could at least distract them. Maybe that was all we would need to get away.

Very carefully I checked my aim and started to squeeze the trigger. Yet something felt wrong. The gun still had its safety on. And my hands were slippery with mud as I struggled to disengage it.

Bravely, Bra'tac’s stare never wavered to mine for help. Instead it bore into the departing Goa'uld as he shouted. "I die free!" The Goa'uld paused but only briefly. Chaffed by the declaration, I could see his back remain ridged as he continued to stalk away.

Distracted with getting the safety off the sudden blast came loud. I couldn’t breathe yet the silent scream within my mind still came. Noooooo! Wake up!

I looked just in time to see Bra'tac fall back. Smoke rose from his mortally wounded chest. The remaining Jaffa wasted no time and began to leave. Tears blurred my vision as I pressed my lips tight together. Biting down hard on them till I tasted the blood along with failure. The grip of the gun dug into my palm. The trigger was still unyielding under my curled tight index. I glared at them as they left and could do nothing but squeeze it tighter in frustration. Knowing full well, if I acted now Bra’tac’s sacrifice would be in vain.

When at last they were gone, I pocketed the gun and left the cover of the brush. It was probably reckless and hopeless to check on him but I had to. Kneeling down beside him I whispered, "Uncle Bray?"

Since being hit he hadn't moved. Yet to my surprise and temporary relief his eyes opened. His hand grasped my arm firmly as he pulled me closer and rasped, "Child, you must…did you find it? In the cabin, it’s for you a package. The bracelet?"

"Yes I found it. My husband managed to call me. But then we got disconnected."

When he looked relived, cupped my cheek and gazed sympathetically into my eyes, I couldn't stop the newest wave of tears. The delusion I managed to hold, that this all wasn’t real, finally shattered around me. Falling down and dealing blow after blow. I left where I was for a moment. Buried and stunned under the crushing rubble. I could only feel Bra’tac’s hold, pulling me back.

"Child! Focus!"

As I struggled to resurface all I could do was ask, "Wh-why…? Who are they? What’s going on?" They were just a few of the hundred questions I had since my husband had called.

Bra’tac just gave a sad smile and said, "No time. The notes, read them. And promise to go."

Angrily I wiped the tears away with the back of my free wrist. Jaw jutting stubbornly out I managed to say. "Go where?! Like hell I will! You’re hurt. I won’t leave you. Let me get this stuff off?"

"No!" He stopped my hands as they tried to remove the damaged armor.

Vehemently I shook my head from what he did not need to say. "You can’t! Don't even think that!"

"You know I am. Bethany you must go. They will poison this planet soon."

"How soon? With what?"

"You call it radiation. Days? I do not know, but they will. You must GO! NOW! Use the bracelet. Escape to a safe reality. I will not…" his eyelids and his face tightened in agony along with his grip on my arm. I ignored the discomfort. The emotional pain far out weighed it. Something in Bra'tac's throat gurgled and he started to cough. Through it he managed. "Honor me. Remember your training! Listen to me!"

"Yes Bray, I promise. But don't make me go, not yet." I answered and cradled his head on my lap. In an effort to comfort him I stroked his rough cheek. Uselessly I dabbed away the blood seeping from the corners of his mouth with my sleeve. Then I remembered and gasped, "Morphine!"

I dug it out of the pack and after shooting it into his leg he gave a small smile. "Oh, I thank you." His face relaxed as his eyelids grew heavy. "I wish to ask you a favor." He tried to work off his left armband. Without needing to be asked, I stopped him and worked it off. Pressing it into my hands he whispered. "You may not find this pleasant. I'm afraid it won't be the last time for…" He winced and began to cough again.

Without question I put on what looked like a holster before saying, "Anything. What is it?"

"The package, there's a weapon for that," he nodded to what he had given me. "It's called a zat'ni'katel or zat. Very useful, one shot will stun. Two will often kill. And three, after I'm…the third shot will vaporize…"

Eyes wide I stammered, "I-I understand." His coughs became harder and I tried to help by elevating his head.

More blood bubbles foamed in his mouth as it worked to form words. The rattling his throat grew louder. His eyes watered, from repressing the tickle to clear his throat and lungs. Tears now escaping, he managed. "The instructions…follow them, use the bracelet."

"But what about the others? My husband? My family?"

"No hope, child. O'Neill I know is…I’m sorry."

I shook my head again and whispered. "No, it can’t be." Stupidly, I clung to this new denial.

Not bothering to waste what little time he had left to argue with me, Bra'tac's eyes flittered about as he struggled to take in air. They locked one last time with mine as he rasped. "Promise me, you will never give up! Live Bethany, for all of us when you leave this place. Swear it!"

His grip upon me was becoming slack. I tightened my hold on him. As if doing so would stop the enviable. "I swear, Bra'tac."

Then, ever so quietly, with his last breath he wheezed, "Good child."

"Bray? Oh, Bra'tac…" I choked out as the light in his eyes faded. A peace slipped over his features and his eyes forever slipped closed. I don’t know how long I held him. How long I rocked him crying.

And all the while, I wondered what other secrets my family, friends and husband had kept from me. Why didn't they tell me? Most likely it was my overprotective father wish and idea. Did they really think it was for my own good?

It wasn't until nightfall when reluctantly, I let go of Bra'tac's cooling body to arrange it. Gently I then removed his thin gray metal helmet. I wanted something to always remember him by.

After putting it away, I pulled out what I guessed was the zat. Carefully, I rolled the alien squashed S shaped weapon in my hands, studying it. It didn’t take me long to find the button to engage it.

Similar to the bigger and more powerful staff weapon it too made a noise. Not nearly as harsh but rather an almost chirp of a sound. But instead of the tip opening, like a snake the deadly end of it rose. Ready to strike as I numbly stood over Bra'tac's body to follow his last wish.

Before firing I tried to think of something to say, a eulogy for the great man. I loved dearly enough to, along with Teal'c, call Uncle. My mind went back to all the times when he had come to visit. I gave a sad small smile at a few words Bra'tac had slipped into. Usually it was when he and Teal'c were giving me hand to hand and staff lessons.

"Kree child! Adjust your stance. Nafi!" Later on when I asked about the words I was told they were a dialect of ancient Egyptian. Then at my interest to learn more they obliged. I learned not only how to speak it but also to read hieroglyphics. In a voice thick with tears I hoped to have pronounced the words correctly.

"Arik tree'ak te kek." I said carefully, fired the first shot then translated. "We do not surrender, even in death." I jumped at the whirling and clinging metallic sound as bolts hit Bra'tac body. The second came as I said in conviction without flinching, "Tek mal arik tiak!" With the last and third shot his body vaporized cleanly away. Lowering the zat to my side I said it again. Only this time whispered it in English, "You will not be forgotten."

They wanted me to use the bracelet to find a new home and live. But from what I had all experienced and had to do from that terrible day until now made me want to die. Newly arrived in what seemed like the fortieth or so alternate reality I had tried to live in. I couldn't move, couldn't stop the pain. But I knew I had to fight it. Upon the sidewalk now, in the middle of the night in an unknown Colorado Springs, I was vulnerable to an assortment of things.

My back arched off the pavement. Body over mind demanded survival. A cry of surrender to it echoed in the empty business street. Burning lungs forced me to suck in the thick, wet and warm late summer air. Resigned I let it continue to tickle over my cracked lips, down into my dry throat. Soothing and placating my thirsty lungs. With each breath my muscles eased. And my body relaxed growing once more limp.

Cracking open sore eyes, they watered at the light they found. The orange glow from street lamps hurt them. Slowly I tried to wiggle fingers. They only tingled in response. I then attempted to move toes. They only stung too. My entire body was numb. But now was starting to wake up, painfully. Every cell screamed for oxygen. Like an arm or leg which had fallen asleep.

Come on! Come on move! Moving helps! I vaguely thought while blinking. The second thing I had mastered so far besides taking in air.

I had no idea how long it took before my arms and legs started to respond to my mental commands. It must have been not too long for nobody had tried to come and help or hurt me yet.

Waves of pin pricks racked my body. It set off the nausea. And I knew I had to at least get onto my stomach. It was that or risk choking from what was about to come next. From prior experience, I knew after arriving that I needed to collapse face down. But this last time I had pushed myself harder when previewing different realities within the "limbo." At least I was partially on my side. But my shoulders and face were still upturned to the murky darkness of the sky. The weight of my backpack had pulled me to the odd position when I fell.

The stars were hidden by the countless lights of the city, which was good. I didn’t want to see them anymore. No longer did they hold wonder and awe for me. They had brought only sadness and death. They dredged up the bittersweet memories, of quiet nights upon a rooftop. With strong arms around me and a whispered promise to always be there for me. To always keep me safe. But that man was now no more.

With a groan I turned my stiff neck. More shivers racked my rain dampened body as I grumbled. "Well, at least it’s not pouring here!"

Despite the weakness and dizziness I managed to free myself. From the backpack and clumsily I got to all fours. On numb hands and aching knees my sole concern was to just take in more air. And now came the fun part.

Just breathe slowly. Come on! I silently pleaded. With lips scrunched sternly shut. From "travel" my lack of appetite was bad enough. I needed to keep the little I found and ate down. Yet the bile still rose in my throat as my mouth started to water.

"Ah…Crap!"

Actually, what hit the pavement was quite the opposite. At least it wasn’t much. After two volleys I was dry heaving. Finished, I grimaced at the mess. Wiping my mouth the back of my hand, I leaned back wobbly and looked about. Sniffed to clear my stuffy nose and sighed in relief. The street was still empty of pedestrians. And I had survived another "jump" to a different reality.

It brought me here but at a price. My left forearm continued to throb. All I can say is the aliens who made this device sure had a thing for pain. The metallic bands had already unwoven, transforming from an armband bearing the controls, back to the deceivingly ordinary bangle. Its numerous fiber needles also withdrew from my raw skin as I was lying there unconscious.

They left a series of small brands on my inner forearm. I ignored the stinging tenderness. I wasn’t too worried about it. The brands would heal fast. I didn’t know how or why. All I did know was the bracelet had done something to me. Every injury I had taken during my travels through various realities, I quickly recovered from. However I’m sure my new ability had its limits.

I was rather certain the scars would always remain from where it attached to me. They looked like letters or words. Although similar to ones on the device I couldn’t read them. And I absently wondered if my husband would have known what they said. The strange symbols were one of many nasty side effects of time and reality travel. I hated all of them-especially the throwing up part. But it always seemed to help. The symptoms started to fade fast. And I crawled away from the mess, managing to pull the pack which contained all I had awkwardly along.

Reaching a nearby building, I sat down and leaned against its unyielding surface to rest. With each breath I felt strength returning. While I waited, in boredom I looked down at the bracelet and cursed.

The opal looking imbedded runes along the combination ring were cracked. Despite the angry bravado, fear shook me to the core. "What if I can’t dial out?" Rising unsteadily to my feet I wrestled into the pack and started towards the public library a few blocks away. The movement helped and I was soon running. With the possibility of entropic cascade failure looming over me I wasn't about to wait till the building opened.

About a half an hour later I left the library with good news. My alternate hadn't been born. I could stay. I even felt a little foolish for breaking in now. I had also made a big mistake. I couldn’t find the tape. I could only hope that the camera I had missed was just a dummy. Hopefully all of them were, just a little something extra to keep the library’s patrons in line. In case the shoplifting detectors at the exits didn’t. If not, I also could only hope the authorities would think my probably last job was just a simple burglary.

"I should have used the nine millimeter." I scolded myself aloud. But guns required ammunition which could be traced. "Still a zat isn’t conspicuous?" I continued to mutter as I slipped out to the library’s alley.

Blocks away from the library I paused and realized. "I've made it, now what?" I looked around at the familiar empty street with new, startled and fearful eyes. The one driving goal that for approximately ninety days had pushed all else away was complete. Now the carefully erected barrier to the memories and feelings was slipping away. The guilt, the sorrow among other countless things burst free within me.

"Now what?" I asked myself and began to tremble in uncertainty. The mission was over, a success. And the compulsion to do something anything so I wouldn't think about the past had me walking fast. It didn’t help. I started running.

Reaching an alley I dropped to my knees, sucked in a gasp and then cried out. The squalor around me disappeared. Replaced with the memories of destruction I saw the day I found my husband's body-what was left of it. I screamed but pressed hand over my mouth. To muffle the sound as the other I used to cover my eyes.

But I could still see it. His beaten-up gold wedding band glinted. Upon what was once a finger of a hand that had touched me with love and had given me pleasure. And now it was a blackened paw with curled white claws. I clutched at the ring now. It hung along with two more that were my parents’ and a number of dog tags. Just a few of the items I had salvaged and treasured from them all. They were all gone and yet I had found them all one by one.

"Live Bethany, for all of us when you leave this place. Swear it!" Bra'tac's words once again echoed through me. The chaos once again was pushed back. I could see his pleading eyes and I finally whispered what I wanted to say that day.

"But I don't want Kal'ma. I don’t want sanctuary."

Chapter One:
(Jack)

Teal’c, Daniel and I were all waiting to board. We were going to my sister Karen and her husband Steve’s place in St. Paul, Minnesota for the holidays.

Teal’c was happy to be allowed this rare chance to get out of the mountain but had some reservations about the transportation. After all, cars were one thing but as Teal’c had said, "our primitive Tau'ri air transports" were quite another. With not much else to do but wait, I watched him. As he continually frowned with increased apprehension at the planes. Landing and taxiing beyond the floor to ceiling windows of the gate. I couldn’t help the small smile as we got into line. I was about to ask if he was okay when I was rudely jerked around by Daniel.

"Jack! Wait! Just let me make one quick call. Why didn't we pick this up again? Sam noticed it first but then we got all caught up in…"

He continued, eyes wide with some exciting to him realization. What had set him off? I hadn’t a clue. Nor did I care. "Relax whatever it is, it can wait."

"But this is about the library break-in!"

"Which happened how long ago, July? Look, it’s no big deal so this call ain’t gonna happen now. Besides they just called our seats. Make the call when we land," I ordered because nothing was getting in the way of our vacation.

Now came the bargaining. "So I’ll be the last one on, Jack. I think Hammond would want to know about this as soon as possible. I’ll have plenty of time. I’ll be right behind you."

Daniel made a move to step out of the line but I grabbed him by the cuff. "Not so fast. Right behind me? Yah sure," I pulled Daniel ahead of me and added, "You’re staying put so you can’t sneak off and miss -"

"But if this turns out to be something you guys can go ahead and I’ll -"

"Daniel, remember our deal?"

"I wasn’t thinking clearly when I agree to it."

"Oh for crying out loud, you’ve worked yourself sick - twice!" I nearly shouted. Taking a breath I rubbed my eyes then calmly repeated. "We had a deal. Just because I disappeared for about three months doesn’t make it go away. You were supposed to take it easy."

"But I was just trying to help Sam and Teal’c with getting you back home."

"Hey thanks to all of you. I mean it but that’s no excuse, you’re still not taking care of yourself. We all need you to stay in tip top shape. And that involves you staring at something besides a book all day and night. Besides, what do you have against a little fun?" He opened his mouth but I didn’t wait for his answer. "We’re all taking a pointless and fun vacation like it or not."

"Fine," He pointed both of his indexes in my face. "But what if -"

"It’s not," I interrupted and ignored the worried look the woman at the desk was giving us. "Now quit holding up the line and give her the ticket so we can board."

"Daniel Jackson, have you not your cell phone?"

"I forgot it in my bag, T. Can I borrow yours?"

"I would grant your request, however we share the same problem."

"Jack what about yours?"

"You too? Unbelievable! Now c’mon the both of you, on the plane. You can both make a call once we’re airborne for all I care."

Daniel about to say something more snapped his mouth shut. Curled his fingers away and handed over his ticket. That was too easy, I thought as he followed Teal’c without further complaint to our seats.

And I wasn’t really surprised. When the moment we settled in Daniel grabbed the phone from the back of the seat ahead of him. Teal’c looked on in quiet amusement from my other side. He could tell that I wanted to snatch it right out of Daniel’s hand. And he was rather impressed when instead I said calmly, "you know those don’t work until we've take off." That was a lie. At least I think it was. Actually, I wasn’t really sure.

I could see the smile in Teal’c’s eyes grow at the way Daniel’s narrowed in frustration. Repressing my own grin, I got comfortable and stuck my nose in George Orwell's 1984. From the corner of my eye, I watched Daniel sit back and huff in frustration. Then glare out the window, probably willing the plane to take off sooner.

I knew that Daniel wanted this realization of his to be "something." Then he’d have an excuse not to come along. He was always the type who preferred to work rather then play. But after his wife, Sha're, had died, Daniel after required bereavement leave and grief therapy, took it to a whole new and crazy level. I could understand why. And it was a better way to deal with the grief then what I had done with mine.

Still I had come to worry about it. Daniel did anything to avoid going home. And at first we didn’t see anything wrong with it. Thinking he was just catching up on things. Of course Teal’c was the first to question Daniel’s emotional health after he’d observed that nearly a month had gone by without Daniel leaving the base.

And due to burning too much of that midnight oil. Daniel had overslept and was almost late to the infamous briefing on the library break-in, when normally he was always the first to arrive. I on the other hand, prefer to arrive last. And not to just round up the stragglers, I just plain don’t like them. Life was too short and I have better things to do. Now if only Teal’c and I could get Daniel to realize that.

General George Hammond’s words from that briefing filled my mind, "Last Thursday at approximately twenty-three hundred hours the Colorado Springs Public library was broken into."

"Hey, I remember hearing about that," Daniel commented as Hammond turned the tape on. "Why would this fall into our hands? Who is he?" He asked after the flickers on the screen died and a figure emerge from off camera.

"She?" I mumbled absently and watched the female figure make a bee line to a computer. A hard call under what looked to be familiar, but unmarked BDUs, a field vest which had seen better days and a ski mask which covered her face.

My second in command, Major Samantha Carter, verbalized our thoughts. "She’s military or at least was from the looks of it, Sir. And those flashes look like they’re from a zat. You think it’s someone from here, Sir?"

"Possible, Carter," I agreed after squinting at what the woman carried to confirm it.

Teal’c observed, "General Hammond. It appears she is comfortable and proficient in using the weapon. She even has a modified accompanying holster for it. She could be a Jaffa as well."

Daniel squinted at the screen as the woman holstered the zat onto her thigh. When she turned on the computer and began typing he asked. "Have you figured out what she’s doing yet?"

"Yes, the local police managed to enhance what was on the screen. Once she stepped away to get whatever she printed out." Hammond frowned and fast-forwarded to that moment. Reaching it he paused then clicked to bring up another image. A close up of the computer’s monitor. And there was my face on it along with what looked like my public information.

Daniel’s eyebrows rose before breaking the vacuum of silence. He commented dryly and quickly. "So, I take this is why this has been brought to our attention. She printed out information about Jack."

"Along with the zat'ni'katel, Daniel Jackson," Teal’c added as he tapped his lips.

"Sir, did she look anyone else up?" Carter asked and Hammond answered by resuming the tape. The woman returned to the computer and her body stiffened in alert. Then she turned to the camera as she drew the zat. With no effort she aimed, fired and took out the camera in one swift shot.

The briefing screen erupted into static and Hammond turned it off. "We’re guessing the printer and several computers were destroyed shortly after that. Also a small amount of cash was stolen." He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"So that's a 'we don’t know', Sir?" I asked Hammond but gave Carter a quick smile.

"You could say that. I’m giving you all the opportunity to investigate this personally. For starters look into all personnel who fit this woman’s profile. If nothing more can be turned up," Hammond shrugged and added. "Just stay alert."

Just stay alert? I asked myself, rolled my eyes a bit, threw up my hands but refrained from commenting. Carter asked something but whatever it was I didn’t catch it. I was too busy picking apart my mind for possible suspects.

Vaguely I registered Hammond looking down and collecting his words carefully. "I don't like taking any chances, Major. This woman appears to be a proficient at infiltrating security. She’s strong and knows how to handle at least one weapon. It took her a matter of minutes to get past the library’s user password and possibly access classified information. As you saw earlier in the tape she took out the surveillance leading to the computers. But lucky for us she missed one."

"Sir, what about where she entered?" Carter asked.

"The entrance from the alley didn't have one," Hammond answered simply.

This just keeps getting better and better, I thought.

"Zats," I found myself blurting out. Clearing my throat I looked up and mumbled. "Umm, and yours truly."

Daniel seeing where I was going added. "Rrright, the cops might still be scratching their heads. With just some computers, a printer and some cash gone they probably would think it was a simple burglary."

Hammond shook his head. "Simple? That's a 'no' Dr. Jackson. The police reported the break was anything but. She picked the locks to enter and get to the computers. But they're guessing once she discovered and took care of the camera trained on her, she proceeded to kick any remaining locked doors open in an attempt to find the tape. But not before taking out the rest of the cameras without being further seen throughout the building. Stealing the money might have been an afterthought."

"Fascinating," I couldn’t help grumbling sarcastically. Then sobered and added contritely, "Sir."

"General Hammond, are we to assume that this woman has acquired information on and to pursue all of us?" Teal'c asked as he folded his hands.

"Yes, we are also working on trying to get more from the footage. Anything to help reveal more about who she is but I doubt we will get anything more than what’s already been gathered."

Daniel waved a pencil to grab our attention and said, "All of which won’t be much help. Still ah, could I get a closer look at it now? I might be able to find something over looked."

Hammond shrugged and said, "I don't see why not."

Carter and I exchanged a look of concern. Daniel’s eagerness over this new project seemed to be another desperate attempt to stay busy. I raised my brows at her and tilted my head slightly as if to say, "Keep an eye on him with this."

"Actually Sir," she started getting the message. Now if only that was always the case I thought as she continued. "I would like to take a closer look at it too. And I could use Daniel’s help looking around the library. I know it's probably useless-nearly a week?" She sighed in frustration and glanced to Hammond, "Sir why didn’t they hand this over to us sooner?"

Hammond opened his mouth but I butted in instead. "Ah, yah know a simple case of jurisdictional ego mumbo-jumbo."

She gave me an annoyed look. In order to stop the threatening smile, at least I’d like to think so. After she regained a neutral expression she answered her own question, "Or maybe they were busy with more pressing matters and didn’t realize it would fall into ours until they enhanced who she was looking up, sir."

Was that sarcasm in her voice? Opening my mouth, I was about to find out.

"Rest assured the crime scene hasn't been compromised," Hammond broke in before I could say anything more. "Even though it’s a public building, they want this woman stopped. She did a great deal of property damage, to say the least. And although it’s been already done, it wouldn’t hurt to take a second look at the library. Talk with the librarians and investigating officers too."

"I agree Sir," Daniel unsurprisingly added with enthusiasm.

"Very well, Teal’c-Jack, you will begin making up a list of personnel who match these stats." Hammond slid Teal’c a folder containing all the information the police were able to gather on the woman and the crime scene. "Once the list is completed start questioning each of them about where they were at the night of the break in. Of course, I’ll expect any important new information to be reported to me as it comes up. If none is found report your minor findings in forty eight hours. If there are no more questions we are adjourned."

Oh goodie! Paperwork! I thought as my team left. And weighed the mostly pros against the few cons of trading places with Daniel.

"Jack, are you okay?" Hammond asked, dropping the formality now that it was just the two of us.

"Yeah, but I got one question. What if we turn up nothing significant in that time, sir?"

"I think you know as well as me. It will have to be handed over to someone else." He watched me nod and give a quick smile. I was about to leave but he cleared his throat. And his face grew a little red. Collecting his words carefully, Hammond started. "I’m glad you decided to stick around. I wanted to wait. For the others to leave before I ask is there anybody I need to know about…?"

"As in if I have any clue who is so obsessed with me? That they would break into a library and then trash the place in an attempt to cover it up? No, sir, that’s not my type."

I came back to the present realizing as much as I hated to admit it, I was still bothered by what had happened. Still I wasn’t about to let anybody else know. Besides, we turned up nothing. And if anything came up I could handle it. Well if it was just her I thought so. Who was she? What did she want with me? What if…? I sat up straight coming to a sudden and probably crazy thought.

"Jack, you okay?" Daniel asked after putting his hand over the receiver of the phone. So deep in thought I hadn’t noticed the plane had taken off. Man, I hated when I did that, tune out and missed things.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well for one thing you’ve been reading that same page since we got onboard and the other is," He asked blinking. "Who’s B.J?"

I had said her name aloud? I looked to Teal’c and he nodded to confirm it. I shrugged and mumbled, "Ask General Hammond to ask Sergeant Harriman if he knows a B.J. Sadler?"

"Walter? Why?"

"Just do it, okay? What did Hammond have to say about your big news?"

Daniel shrugged as he grimaced. "He’ll have someone look into what I thought of. You see, we never took a closer look at the bracelet she-"

"The what?"

He just waved the question away and grumbled. "Never mind, if you and Hammond feel it can wait, it can wait." Daniel then conveyed my question to Hammond, covered the receiver again and asked. "He wants to know how urgent it is."

"Not very, just checking up on a reference."

"Oh," Daniel mumbled but still gave me a curious look as he finished up the conversation. Hanging the phone up Daniel said, "He’ll look into it when he finds the time."

Distracted I nodded at him. And after turning a page, I pretended to read again. Weather permitting. B.J. Sadler was going to be renting the cabin during almost the entirety of our stay with Karen and Steve. Normally I didn’t rent it out this time of year. Normally after I took the initial call and made the booking Steve handled the rest of it. But since I was in town I had decided to. And now I was beginning to regret it.

Chapter Two:
(Bethany)

More snow was coming down. It had snowed shortly after I arrived in St. Paul yesterday. And due to it I wasn't able to get into the cabin as planned. And now it was Christmas Eve and I had just gotten off the phone with Jack. Apparently, I wouldn't be getting in the cabin tonight either. Rubbing my arms I paced my small hotel room frustrated. Yet not enough to, ring him back and tell him to just forget the whole hair-brained idea. That came about shortly after Thanksgiving due to the lack of having nobody to celebrate it with.

All I wanted was to go home for a little bit. And I wondered if I could even do it. Meet "Jack."

Staring out the window, I found myself drifting back. To a day earlier that November which was now leading me fast to this most certain emotional train wreck. It all started when I took a break from staring at the computer.

Everyday, I spent at least two hours at the thing, in my new tiny apartment in little Decorah, Iowa. On the internet, I learned more about this new wonderful world. So many things were the same here yet occasionally there were surprising but pleasant differences.

"Twenty-three years of new history is a lot to catch up on." I mused to myself grabbing the vodka from the fridge. Not bothering with a glass or anything to water it down, I spun the cap off and drank straight from the bottle. As it burned down my throat I remembered one too many awkward conversations. You would think as little as I talked to anyone I wouldn’t. Still I fumbled through them due to lack of knowledge. Of course, usually being buzzed hadn’t helped either.

"At least the usual company doesn't notice still, I'm tired of sounding like a moron," I grumbled and put the bottle down. The waitress and unofficial bouncer job at the local bar sucked. But at least it was money. Under the table of course but it would tide me over until I decided what to do with the various gemstones and other valuables I had collected in my travels. Plus I needed to learn more about this new environment before getting rid of them profitability and discreetly.

Screwing the cap back on, I closed my raw eyes. The false warmth gave me a pleasant shiver down the spine. Running a hand through my long straight hair I giggled, "Well the blonde doesn’t help does it? Maybe I should dye it?"

It wasn’t really blonde. I really had no idea what my true color was anymore. In an odd and old habit since the onset of puberty, I would often do something to my hair when stressed out. How drastic all depended on the level of it. And I was rather proud of saving my money instead of doing something beyond changing the style of it.

With my lips starting to tingle I leaned back against the counter. Pressing my fingers to my swelling lips I thought of my dead husband. How his lips and scruffy short beard had felt when he kissed me.

But I came back to reality before the tears would start and looked around the apartment angrily. It was a nicer and bigger than my last one in Colorado Springs. But it still wasn’t what I really wanted

"I hate this damn apartment! I want to go home!" In frustration, I snatched up an empty beer bottle. I wanted to hurl it across the room. But ever the penny pincher, I didn't want to lose my deposit to the landlord. So instead I settled for throwing it down as hard as I could into the nearly empty plastic kitchen wastebasket. It shattered. But at least the mess was contained. The act did little to help. I still felt so useless, lonely and unsure about what to do now with no ties. No safety net.

"I just want to go home, even if it's just for a little bit. But there's no way unless?" I whispered then opened my wet eyes wide. In a startling realization, I zeroed in on the computer. And I wondered if the Jonathan O'Neill of this reality rented his cabin out also.

It would be risky and not just emotionally. If Jonathan was anything like the man I had known. Running into him would not be smart. For he always had an uncanny ability, to see right though even my best poker face. At least, I hoped he would probably be too busy to bother with me. Steve Hanson, his brother-in-law, would most likely handle the cabin's maintenance and renters just like the one in my reality had done.

Determined now, I plopped back down in front of the computer. "Besides, I sure not spending my next holiday here." I grumbled and began a search.

It wasn't Decorah I had the problem with. The town was nice enough. It reminded me a little bit of Colorado. With its large wooded hills and limestone bluffs yet it was safer than Colorado Springs. Not just crime-rate speaking but emotionally too. Simply put, the alternates of my family, friends and husband weren't living here. I felt it was healthier this way. To put some distance between them and me. But now I was going to break that rule.

"But only for a few days," I reasoned and typed fast away. "Not going to see him, just home and Steve. I can handle Steve."

Information printed out from Jonathan’s to the point website, I disconnected from the internet and dialed the number. After a few rings a machine picked up. Before the beep, I managed to curse and more importantly hang up. The voice on it had been Jonathan’s not Steve's.

"Great! Well, he does own the cabin. What were you expecting?" I asked myself and jumped when the phone started to ring. "Crap!"

Nobody called me unless it was work or a wrong number. And I seriously doubted it was either of those two. Which meant only one thing, Jonathan had caller ID or did a star sixty-nine. I stared at the phone as it rang again and I knew I had to pick it up. I didn't have an answering machine. So if I wanted to find out who it was and rent the cabin, I had to get it. That and if he was anything like the Jonathan I knew not getting it would only raise a red flag. Well maybe just a tiny one. But I wasn't about to take chances, especially after the whole library fiasco - even though it happened months ago.

"No turning back now," I commented dryly then picked up the phone as it rang for the forth time. Forcing out a false puff of relived air into the phone I gave a breathy, "Hello?" And hoped it sounded as if I had rushed to the phone. Rather then debating whether or not to pick it up.

Of course it was Jonathan, "Ah yeah, I missed your call. Can I help you or just a wrong number?"

Wrong number, should I just…? I thought and debated about backing out. But it was so nice to hear his voice again.

"Hello?"

"Oh yes! Yes you can help me. Sorry about the hang up! Hate those machines you know." I explained in a gush. Hardly believing my calm at talking to him - well in a way again.

A relaxing Jonathan agreed, "Me, too but I think everybody feels they sound like and idiot on those things."

I laughed in relief. "Read my mind! Anyway I was calling about the cabin," I made myself read some of the information on the printout slowly. It was a small effort I hoped would calm me down.

"When would you be interested in it? Actually just a second. Hold that thought." I heard him fumbling, probably for the small schedule book and a pen. And I swallowed the lump forming in my throat down from reminisce. After sounds of him looking through pages and the click of a pen he asked, "Okay. When do you have in mind?"

"Actually I was wondering if it was available over the holidays."

"Sorry that’s a 'no.'"

"Oh, I see," I didn’t think to hide the disappointment in my voice. I was too busy biting down hard on my lower lip and wondering what else to do for the holidays. The idea of spending it here in the small apartment or at work was making it suddenly very hard to breath.

To my silence or maybe he heard a sharp and painful intake, Jonathan's voice softened a bit. "Look," he sighed and fumbled with the phone. In my mind's eye I could see he was ruffling his hair as he grimaced. "Normally I'd say, 'no' but what sort of vehicle do you have?"

I didn't answer at first. Caught by surprise, I had forgotten the roads would be rough this time of year. And from his reluctant tone I could tell he wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea. He tended to worry about his renters being comfortable. And I wasn’t surprised when he tried to steer me gently to a warmer month before I could answer. "Because you'll need a truck or utility vehicle this time of year and I doubt you'll be able to rent one. Are you sure about this? How about April or even better May?"

I thought a moment before adding diplomatically but firmly, "You're right however, I think I can manage the journey just fine with my Jeep from northeast Iowa. How do I pick up the key? And what are your payment conditions? Do you require a deposit?" On a whim I added, "Walter didn’t give me too many details."

This Jonathan, very much to my relief, sighed and gave up. "All right, if you insist," he added and proceeded to give me the exact location along with directions to get to the cabin. He also gave me his cell number and one for Karen and Steve’s place. Where he said two of his friends and he would be staying. Finally he asked, "Where and when do you want to meet in the city?"

"Meet?" I gulped and thought. What about Steve? But instead I eventually managed not to squeak, "Ummm, anyplace would be fine."

"Well there's Freedom's Diner on Catalina Drive, near the intersection with Regatta Drive. Will noon on the twenty-third be okay? I'll be arriving on the twenty-second but I'll need about a day to ready the cabin."

"Yes, the twenty-third would be fine." I wrote down the appointment on the print out and asked, "So will the twenty-third to the second of January be okay?"

"Yeah, if nothing pops up I'll be at my sister and her husband's place till the fifth. If something does come up and you can't get a hold of me just call Steve."

"How much?" And I cringed as Jack gave the figure. It was reasonable but I would have to dip into my savings a little

"What's the name?"

"Oh, I didn't give it to you?" I stalled and thought fast. My newly purchased identity was still unfamiliar and I had to think twice before saying it.

At my hesitation he donated, "No, not yet. I'm Jack O'Neill."

"Mr. O'Neill -"

"It's Jack - just Jack."

"Jack? Oh, but the website says Jonathan." I mumbled aloud. Then reminded myself this was just another of many differences between my old reality and this new one.

Jack confirmed it, "A nickname. Jonathan’s a mouthful. Yours?"

"B.J. Call me B.J." I donated on the side of caution but then winced. At the horrible nickname I had picked up in high school. When my friends learned what my middle name was they quickly put two and two together. At least I hadn't exactly given him my full real first name, Bethany. I didn't think I could take him saying it.

"Last name?"

"Sadler," I managed not to slip this time and gave him my new last name.

"Okay, B.J. Sadler, give me a call when you get into town. A storm might hit so if I were you, I’d reserve a hotel room just in case for a day or two. That is if you don't want to turn back. If I can't get you in on the twenty-third, I'll need to give you a new figure."

"Gottcha," I agreed and after we said our goodbyes and hung up I let out a breath. "B.J? Call me B.J. and after 'mouthful'? What was I thinking? First talking with him and now I gotta met him? Great! This is just super! Wadda go with the closure when he’ll be standing right there!" I continued my little rant until I got to the bathroom. There I stared at my reflection for a long time before leaving to go where I had to go in order to calm down. I went to the nearest beauty shop.

And now here I stood, wondering what to do to pass the time. After giving the hotel room’s television a dubious look, I put on my coat and went on the hunt for the nearest bar for some company.

Chapter Three:
(Jack)

The brilliant glare from the snow hurt my eyes despite my shades. "At least it will be dark in a few hours," I muttered and adjusted them. I arrived back just in time to meet with B.J. For our third rescheduled appointment in the last three days at the Freedom's Diner. The same greasy spoon Teal'c and I had taken Daniel to earlier that afternoon to nurse him out of the hangover.

Actually it was more to torture him rather than nurse him. Served him right, worrying us like that. Taking off without a word on Christmas Eve, going to the only bar opened in town and getting plastered. What was more surprising was what we learned from The Clover's bartender. That Daniel was likely still with a woman he left with at the hotel nearby. Teal’c and I after some discussion choose to stay out of it. After all, we felt Daniel could use a little relaxation.

We never saw who she was. By the time we had decided to return to wake up and collect Daniel, she had disappeared. But the marks on Daniel’s neck and guilty look on his face confirmed everything.

"Jack - Teal’c, let’s go." He had opened the door only far enough to allow himself out.

I wouldn’t budge out of the way. Craning my neck over Daniel’s shoulder I asked calmly, "Sooo what happened last night?"

"Nothing," Daniel said, gave us both a blood shot, wide eyed and not so innocent look. Hoping I would just drop it. He actually thought he could fool us with that expressive face of his? He really sucked at lying. Clearing his throat he blinked, "I just needed some fresh air and some time to think. Clear my head and when I realized how late it was I ended up here."

"Ah-ha," I sucked in my cheeks and squinted at his blush I asked, "Well some fresh air and time to think, head all cleared up now?"

"Okaaaay, so I got a little drunk."

"Oh," I couldn’t help the sardonic grin. "I wouldn't say just a little. And apparently you got a little something else too."

Even Teal'c added to the teasing. "Daniel Jackson, you appear to be injured. Has it caused you such pain as to interfere with your sleep?" Both Daniel and I followed his gaze from the marks on his neck to the rumpled bed.

"Yeeeaaaah," Daniel said slowly and grew another shade redder. As he patted down his pocket to double check that he had all of his things.

With a wink I mouthed to Teal'c, "Good one." And Teal'c small smirk deepened as he just bowed his head.

Coat and wallet collected, Daniel grumbled, "Yeah, very funny guys. Not another word. To anyone. Got it?"

"And ruin your pristine reputation? No way," I answered and gestured for him to lead the way.

Teal’c and I couldn’t stop grinning till we had gotten to the dinner, sat down and ordered food. Daniel could only agree to a cup of coffee and dry toast. The smells from my bacon and eggs had Daniel’s face turn quickly from the embarrassed red to white to a sickly green.

After that impressive color change it didn’t take long before without a word, Daniel simply rose and made a mad dash to the bathroom. Out of consideration Teal’c and I hurried to finish eating as I paid the tab. Then when Daniel rejoined us, we quit our play and took him home to recover.

Now as soon as I found a parking spot I realized she had been waiting. She must have recognized Steve's truck from the description I had given. Because it wasn’t long before she killed the engine and hopped from her Jeep.

I watched her walk to the truck determined and quick. At least at first. But the closer she got, the slower and more hesitant her steps became, until several feet away she came to a complete stop. As if she was unsure I was the right person. I pulled my sunglasses off and squinted even though the glare off the snow wasn’t so bad now. She was pretty and seemingly unthreatening. But looked about the right size and body type and all of my earlier worries of her somehow being involved with the library grew. Still I gave her a smile while rolling down the widow and asked, "B.J. right?"

She flushed, nodded and her stance once again relaxed. But not entirely, still on alert and prepared for the unexpected. Seeing it I wondered if she had ever been in the military. And tried not to frown for it only would be another thing that would match up with the intruder's profile.

"Nice to finally meet you." I said and again gave a hopefully reassuring smile down at the young woman in a flap hat. At my offered hand she worked her small one free from a wooly mitten and shook it.

"Likewise Mr. O'Neill," she nodded and stuffed her hand back into the mitten.

"Actually it’s Colonel but you can call me Jack, remember?"

"Wow, you gotta be kidding me, a Colonel, huh?" Dark, nearly black brows rose in surprise over small hippy-style sunglasses. And vaguely I wondered, what was there point if they hung at the end of her nose like that? Absently she pushed them back up only to have them soon slide back down. They revealed blood-shot but nice intense blue eyes. Even though the artificial shade was due to her contacts and they were not the exact same color, I couldn't help but smile and think of Sam’s.

Squinting up at me with her watery eyes she gave a tight smile and stumbled a bit over my name. "That right Mr. O’N-John-ah hel-I mean heck. Sorry Jack," she then repeated my name again slowly under breath a few more times. Before she gave a flustered and nervous smile, "I ah-it's been a rough couple of nights due to the weather." She explained and rubbed her hands together.

The air between us was getting cloudy from our breaths. For awhile we both just stared at one another dumbly. At least I felt that way. On her end however the wheels looked to be defiantly turning. And even from behind the round shades I had a distinct feeling she was studying me carefully. My eyes must have narrowed because she gave a little jerk. Coming back to the present or wherever her mind had taken her. B.J. shifted from one foot to another in debate over something before finally voicing it. "Say, are you in a hurry?"

I tilted my head and wondered what she was getting at. "Not unless you are, why?"

"Well even with the delay and all. You mind if we head inside for a bit before we start off? It's freezing out here."

"Ah! Yes! Good point." I gave myself a mental kick for not thinking of that first. Here I was in a toasty truck and she was standing there shivering in the cold. "Yeah that's a very good idea. Let's get us some coffee-my treat. Least I can do for the two day delay and all."

"Not you're fault," she reassured as I got the door. Passing she grinned, "Unless you can control the weather."

"Nope, just a flyboy and if I could, I'd go for sunny. Good fishing weather."

"Air Force huh? No ice fishing either?" She asked as we took off our coats and put them onto the booth seats.

"Yup, on both counts," I answered and hoped she wasn't going to ask me anything more about work. This was my vacation and I would be damned if I was going to spend anymore time than I had to thinking or talking about it. I just wanted to have a nice, normal and relaxing conversation. That and try to forget about the looming threats to Earth, gate travel and various aliens. To play it safe I decided to distract her with some questions of my own. Sitting down I noticed the soup of the day and suggested, "Oh! How about some chili too?"

Taking the other side, she agreed warmly. "That sounds real good. Thank you, Jack." She took the hat off, revealing a curly mop of nearly black hair. I found myself watching as she gave it a good shake out.

Catching myself before she would, I gave a quick look around then asked. "So just you? I thought perhaps," I trailed off at the pained expression. With hands frozen in hair, her mouth somehow managed to pucker and tighten simultaneously. Stumbling already onto a touchy topic I did what I felt was best. I pressed my lips together and wisely kept my big mouth shut.

Thankfully the waitress arrived shortly and took our orders. B.J. requested chicken noodle and some hot tea. "Don't think my stomach can handle too much." She explained as I stuck with getting the chili and coffee.

When the waitress left and B.J. looked up at me over her sunglasses, I tried to think of something to say to break the ice, but nothing came to mind.

Finally B.J. pulled off her sunglasses off to reveal a pleasant face. In fact, she was very nice overall. Fit but not too thin, I realized earlier when she had got out of her coat. But way too young for me I decided. I pegged her to be early or mid-twenties. Yet the way she looked at me was disturbing. Her eyes were too old to belong to such a person so young. Unless, she had seen some combat, that might have explained it.

But I didn’t like that idea. Then again maybe it was just my imagination. Perhaps it was just the shadows under them and that they were also bloodshot. Then I realized something. The reason why she appeared so strung out. Sitting this close to her, in the warmth of the diner I smelled a hint of alcohol and bar smoke. Yet, she didn't appear to be inebriated in any way. But from the looks of it she was at least hung over.

I watched her delicate lips start to relax. The corners of them twitched in an attempt to lighten the mood as she finally answered my question from before. "Just me, you know the holidays…just looking forward to some peace and quiet."

"Yeah, they can be rough," I nodded and unrolled the silverware from the paper napkin. To give my hands something to do I took my time arranging the utensils as she absently played with the paper seal around her set. A glint of white gold on her left hand caught my eye, a simple wedding band. And before I even gave it a thought I blurted out, "He’s not joining you?"

"No."

"Ah didn't mean to pry. Just -"

"That's okay," She replied softly. Her eyes watered but only briefly. When they met mine, she held them for a long time. The way she touched the ring, in reverence without looking at it told me everything. She was a widow. Or so she claimed. Now I was really starting to debate about what to do next. Pump her for more information or change the subject.

I didn’t want to ask but I already started the topic, "So how long?"

Chapter Four:
(Bethany)

"About a year ago, house fire," I offered automatically. I wasn’t about to go into the details of the real cause of it. Knowing people always wanted to know the how. But most were too polite to ask. Then the unvoiced question would just hang there. Like a pressing dark cloud, a defiant conversation stopper. I hated talking about it. But it was best to get it out of the way.

Jack gave his cheek a poke with his tongue before deciding upon a blunt approach, "Are you sure about this? Roads are still a bit rough and the cabin isn't -"

"It will be fine," I crossed my arms in resolution. Taking a deep breath I pushed the painful memories away as he was watching me. Cocking my head, I changed the subject. "So how come you don't ice fish?"

Jack blinked in surprise and was about to answer when the waitress returned with our order. But once she was gone he told me why as we ate. And I was free to indulge in watching the man across from me closely. In the brief moments as he busied himself with his chili. I drank in this other version of Jonathan O'Neill and burned it hard into my memory. It took all of my self control too keep a neutral face and general calm appearance. A hard task with a hangover, still I managed to be careful as I tried to busy myself with eating too.

Looking down at my soup all I could do was try not to think of how, I'd missed just sitting with him. Then I silently cursed as tears threatened to make an appearance for what felt like the hundredth time since I had gotten out of my Jeep to meet him. But I covered it by laughing at one of his boy-hood stories of mischief that he had already told me at least a hundred times. Only this time it was better because he wasn’t using it as a lecture but instead to entertain.

He was in shades, a ball cap, and a truck! I wondered mentally at the other differences. This Jack was by comparison a more relaxed, casual, and easy going man than the one I had known. And he’s wearing flannel and jeans of all things too! I had thought and tried not to gape when he had taken off his coat before sitting down. I shook my head but not in dismay rather in awe. I liked these changes. For the Jonathan O’Neill of my reality was by far more ridged and formal.

"So," he drawled and snapped me out of my thoughts. "You get away to the woods often? Fish? Camp?"

I blinked up at him from my soup, "Huh? Oh! Yes, with my husband and family at least once a year. We'd stay at a cabin too. Sort of a family tradition before..." I trailed off but then gave a resolute swallow before blurting out. "Well, we all used to. They’re gone, too." He looked down at his soup and I appreciated it. The last thing I wanted to see was pity from him.

Instead I received his understanding. His parents were gone as well. And then there was Charlie. In this reality I was able to confirm it, finding their obituaries in public records. "I know what you mean-it's tough." Jack added quietly and sipped his coffee then looked up. "What happened?"

With anyone else I would find the bluntness mortifying. With him it was somehow different. Granted it was still painful and on top of that weird. But I needed to do it. Talk about it and at least it was with somebody that in a way I couldn't help but love and trust. "With Mom it was in combat. Years later with Dad it was a lab explosion."

Just like what I said about my husband’s death the last part was a bit of a lie. My father had indeed died in his lab but not due to an accident on his part or a college. It was quite intentional. The lab blew up due to an attack from a Goa'uld ship. Yet even though I couldn't tell Jack everything, talking about it with him ironically seemed to help. "Don't know too many details-probably best. With Mom they told me she was trying to save a man down. He lived and it was a good thing because he and his wife were expecting their first child. They named the little girl after her. And Dad, well he…" My voice cracked. I couldn’t finish, embarrassed I took a drink of the cooling tea.

Luckily Jack didn't press me to continue but instead asked, "So you're doing this-renting the cabin to...?"

"Keep the tradition alive? Yeah, you could say that."

"You must have all been very close."

At his statement the yelling, which took place on my eighteenth birthday came rushing back. I had just decided to join the Air Force and my father’s reaction to the news was not in the least bit happy. And at the time I didn’t understand why he was so upset.

"Dad, I thought you would be proud of me doing this!"

"Proud?" He sputtered, "Proud! Why would you ever think that?"

"What! Why?"

"They killed your mother! That's why!"

"No they didn't! She died for -"

"I don't care, Bethany. Not her! Not my wife! And certainly not you either!"

"How long has it been? Why can't you let her go?"

But he wasn’t listening. Instead he picked up the phone cursed softly, "Dammit Janet, why this?" Then he muttered something about calling in favors. Dialing, he had said flatly, "You’re not joining."

"And last time I checked the date, I happened to notice it’s my birthday, Dad. You can’t stop me!" I growled and disconnected the phone before the person on the other end picked up.

He glared at me. In fact he looked about to hit me as he got right up into my face and whispered the threat. "You step out that door don't even think about coming back. I mean it! If you join them, they're your new family. You’ll be as good as dead if you join up."

I didn’t understand that he was just trying to protect me. He knew exactly what the danger was and he couldn’t or wouldn't tell me. Looking back at it now, I could see the fear and hurt in his eyes. That he was just bluffing. But at the time I was too caught up in my own hurt feelings. The all too deep disappointment from his constant disapproval and rejections had welled up in me. I fell into anger and lashed out sarcastically, "Like we’re one now? I just didn't lose Mom that day. I lost you too! So fine! No big loss! I'll go!" I shouted in his face then ran from the house.

"Beth!"

"I hate you!" I yelled it from my car. And to this day I worried if he had heard it. I regretted it the moment it left my lips. And although the tongue will always be blunter then the pen, it still strikes devastating blows. And if done long enough, hurts both contenders even if one isn’t fighting back.

Coming back, I stared at Jack and blushed. "We had our ups and downs like everyone." Understatement of the year! I thought, shrugged then changed the subject to something lighter.

Chapter Five:
(Jack)

We had made good time. After the diner B.J. and I had made a run to a nearby grocery store. At the cabin there were plenty of canned and dried goods but nothing fresh, of course. Once Steve's truck was loaded up with her purchases we made a start for the cabin. The paved roads and highways were in fine condition but as I expected not the gravels.

And on the way B.J.'s Jeep became stuck well in the ditch. I had missed seeing her slide off. Too busy myself trying to stay on the ice-covered road. At least the built-up snow was good for something. It had prevented the accident from turning ugly. By absorbing some of the impact and slowing down the vehicle. But now it was piled up to the undercarriage.

I could hear her cursing. So that meant she was at least conscious. "Crap!" She growled after slamming her Jeep's door shut after getting out. Ignoring my look of concern she didn't waste anytime. Apparently unharmed, unfazed and just a tad annoyed she wadded through the snow to the back to get her bags. "No point I'm stuck and good. Do you think you can pull me out?"

"I doubt it. It's a two wheel drive."

"Ah for crying out loud! Please tell me that it's at least not yours." She added and popped open the hatchback.

"'Course not, it's Steve's remember? And I told him it's worthless but does he listen? Nope!" I laughed a little bit and took the heaviest looking bag while she worked out her phone.

"Well this is no surprise. I got no signal, you?" She asked and handed me another lighter one. It wasn't standard luggage and certainly not what I was expecting. It wasn't sleek and businesslike. Rather it was more like the gear I used to travel off world. In fact it was old military gear. At my questioning look she paused and asked, "Well Jack?"

"What? Oh," I checked my phone and saw no bars. "There are not a lot of towers around here, yet. And even if we had one, I think a tow today is going to be pricey." Nodding to the rest of her bags I asked. "Where did you get this stuff?"

"Bought it," she answered simply and shrugged on one of the packs, "from a military surplus shop in Iowa City." Getting her last bag she shut the hatch, locked up and then agreed. "You're right, I forgot. Pricey, don't like the sound of that." With a grin she sighed, "Oh, well. I don't mind if we get one tomorrow. Let's continue shall we?"

"Okay," I said but gave the road a doubtful look.

She gave me a bigger smile. And it had my mind going blank for some reason as she took the heaviest bag from me in exchange for the two other lighter ones on the ground. Pushing up her sunglasses she asked, "You think I can't rough it a little?"

"Ah, no offense."

"Too late for that," she gave a little laugh. "Trust me when I say, 'I can handle it.' Mr. O'N-"

"Jack," I grumbled a bit but not at her. Rather the snow I had to drag my legs though. Almost out of the ditch I added, "I'm just saying if you want to cancel it's no big deal. I'm game either way."

"What and miss out on all of this fun? No way," she called back and threw the heavy bag into the bed of Steve’s truck.

At last reaching the road, I gave her stuck vehicle an unsure look and asked, "Fun? You call this," I gestured around us, "fun?"

"Yes, Jack and you know why. We've already come this far. It would be silly to turn back now. Are we close to the cabin?"

Dusting off the snow from my jeans I inquired, "Yeah why?"

"Well in case we get stuck again. How far you reckon we’re away from it?"

I took a moment to look about and do some mental calculations. "Three miles, I'd say."

"I think I can handle less than three miles if we end up in the ditch again. What about you?" She smiled somehow knowing I would take the bait by not backing down on a challenge, especially a physical one.

"Won't happen, kiddo but if it we did-which is very unlikely I can handle way more then just three even in this terrain." I gave her a tight and ruefully smile as I put the rest of her bags in the truck bed.

With just an occasional short slide we had gotten to the cabin with few problems. Once there we both hustled to unload the truck. It was growing darker by the minute. But I wasn't about to take off until I helped her unpack groceries and give her the nickel tour of the place.

"Well worth my five cents, Jack." She said kindly once I finished with the details. Of what to do if various problems occurred during her stay. I also showed her where the phone and fire hydrant were, along with extra fuses, blankets and firewood.

Bundled back up and ready to leave I asked, "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"Yup."

"I mean," I trailed off once again feeling I overstepped. Into something that wasn't my business. But for some reason couldn't help to.

She understood but didn’t appear to be offended. Looking down at the wooden floor she reassured. "I'll admit I haven't had much direction since...I need to think about what to do next."

"Well, you're at the right place. Short of that radio and books over there, there's not much else to do."

"Yeah," She agreed and shifted from one foot to another. We stood together in awkward silence. Each taking turns to eye one another curiously as the other looked away. I watched her chew her lip, waiting for something.

Realizing what it was, I said. "Well, I guess I better be going now."

She looked out the window and asked hesitantly, "Are you sure about going now? You could wait it out and see if conditions improve."

I followed her gaze. The snow had started up again but I shook my head. "Nah, I better go now. I don't think it will get any better tonight."

"Okay," she nodded then offered her hand. "It was nice meeting you, Jack."

I took it and said, "Nice meeting you too, B.J."

With that I left. But even driving at a snail’s pace, the fates were conspiring against me. Nearly fifteen minutes later and no more than a mile away from the cabin the truck started to slide. And of course I soon found myself in the ditch unable to free the truck. Muttering insults about its make and model, I got out. To calculate and considering my options. From the side of the road I squinted at the distant tree laden horizon and found the highway nearly hidden. Through the light snow and darkness I didn’t spot any headlights.

"Peachy," I sighed after checking my phone. Not surprised at all by it still lacking a signal. Stuffing it back into my pocket, I didn’t bother another glance at the highway. I knew the traffic on it all to well. And doubted I would get a ride. Especially at this time of year and at this hour it would be impossible. I got back into the truck to warm up and think. But in reality, I was trying to delay the enviable other option besides trying to hitchhike back into town and risk freezing to death.

It wasn't as if I had much of a choice. My jeans were very damp now from all the snow I waded through. My best option was the cabin. But I still didn't want to bother her. She had come to the cabin to be alone and to lick her wounds. Not play hostess. Plus I already had inconvenienced her. The weather wasn't entirely to blame. Having erred a little more than on the side of caution, I guess I could have tried to get her to the cabin sooner. Too late I realized she had spent Christmas Eve and the most part of today alone. If I had known I would have at least invited her to share in the Christmas Eve dinner with my friends and family at Karen and Steve's.

"Misery loves company." I said grimly aloud, thinking of Daniel. Just with my brief contact with her at the dinner, I couldn't deny the two had a few in common. I also didn't miss the fact that she had things in common with me as well. Our conversation had been easy and even funny at times. At least once we stopped talking about the past. I could tell she was also sharp. But unlike Daniel or Carter she didn't prattle on about facts and other tidbits of obscure information.

Now don't get me wrong. I certainly didn't mind when Carter and Daniel went into verbal overload, mainly because it gave me an excuse to see Sam and not Major Carter. And with them both distractedly babbling away they hardly noticed me doing it. And even though I know there is nothing more than platonic love between the two, I envied Daniel. His ability and freedom to get her relaxed breathy laugh and her honest blush. Mostly, I could only watch since I received it rarely. Her big blue eyes, sparkling in excitement as that radiant unguarded smile light her whole face. She looks so beautiful when she glows like that.

Still, it didn’t take me long to learn to not seem too interested in what they were saying. Or especially Daniel would end up pulling me into their babbling. Usually it was with a question that they had to repeat. And again, in regards to the babbling I wasn’t listening to in the first place. Which left me with only one option to cover that fact up: I had to act dumb and/or disinterested. It was either that or they would start to wonder what I was about daydreaming about. I doubted it really worked. But at least it frustrated them long enough that they didn’t think to ask.

I tried not to worry about how lately Sam wasn’t smiling as much. I noticed it the moment I had gotten back from being stuck on Edora. In private I had tried to get to the bottom of it. But when asked she acted as if nothing was wrong. Why wouldn’t she tell me? I didn’t understand.

I pulled away from my thoughts and perhaps regrets with a sigh, killed the engine, bundled up and got out of the truck. From the bed I grabbed my snowshoes and in the emergency kit I found a flashlight. Slipping into the shoes, I clicked it on. I wasn’t about to take any chances. The sun had just slipped below the horizon. The falling snow was starting to thicken too. Double-checking that the truck was locked up and I hadn't forgetting anything, I started back towards the cabin.

Chapter Six:
(Bethany)

The teakettle was starting to whistle. I could also hear the water making it rumble on the burner from the bubbling within. A bit disoriented, I looked around to get my bearings. I had drifted off on the couch while I waited for it to boil.

The whistling grew louder and demanding as I reached the kitchen to switch off the burner. At a soft knock from the door, I froze. With fingers hovering over the dial I waited for a second knock confirm that I wasn’t imagining things. It did come again and it was louder. Most likely it would be Jack. But after turning off the burner I took the kettle with me to the door. Old habits die hard. If my visitor wasn't friendly he or she was in for a painful and nasty surprise.

I peeked through the window and I spotted him before opening the door. He looked pretty cold, bundled up and hugging himself.

"Let me guess," I smiled and tried to repress the growing sense of panic as he tromped in then kicked off the show shoes, "Got stuck?" I didn't wait for his answer but instead started back to the kitchen area. I needed to put some distance between us or I’d end up hugging him. I was both upset yet happy that he might be stuck with me for at least a more few hours.

"Yep," he huffed. A bit out of breath and stomped the remaining snow off his boots before stepping inside. Closing the door, he noticed my body language. "Look um-"

"I'm sorry Jack."

"What?"

I put the kettle back down on the burner and sighed. "This was a mistake. I'm sorry, I dragged you out here. I'm sorry about this whole hair brained idea." Turning away from him I opened a cabinet and grabbed two mugs. Under my breath I muttered. "And I'm REALLY sorry you're stuck here with me!"

From the corner of my eye I caught his grimace. And knew then he had heard me. But he didn’t seem to take a big offence at it. Instead he gave a charming smile when I managed meet his eyes. And I thought it wiser to just keep my mouth shut for awhile.

As I collected myself, Jack busied himself with getting out of and hanging up his coat and stocking cap. Pouring the hot water I flashed him a nervous smile. And over an easing shoulder tried for, "But I guess, I could use a little bit of company. And again I'm sorry the inconvenience."

"Likewise," he smiled again but this time it was genuine as he ruffled his salt and pepper hair in relief. Sitting down with a tired sigh at the table he explained. "I slid off the road about a mile away. Still no signal and I didn't see any vehicles on the highway so…"

I checked the cabin’s phone so he wouldn’t have to get up. It was dead. When I told Jack this he just nodded unsurprised. I plopped in the tea bags as he waved away my offer to check my cell phone too just in case. Setting the mug before him I gave a pointed look to the window and said. "I'm relived you didn't try to hitchhike back to town. It's seems to be getting worse."

Immediately he wrapped his still cold hands around his cup. "You betcha it is! Thank you," he nodded and brought it up to his red nose. Jack inhaled the steam deeply. I studied him carefully after he closed his eyes. The dark lashes pointing down, triangles on his cheeks. The hard but handsome features of his face relaxing completely. When he opened them again I quickly stared down at my own cup. Praying he hadn't noticed. But his silence made me doubt it. I shifted in my chair, growing increasingly uncomfortable. Normally I could handle his silent treatment. But then again this wasn't exactly him.

"You decided on the Earl Gray. I'm guessing here," he said softly. I looked up in time to see him take a tentative drink then nod.

Blowing the steam off of mine to cool it I nodded too. "Well, I couldn't find the hot coco mix or the marshmallows."

"Oh, I hide the good stuff." He teased gently and I couldn't help but grin back.

But I sobered as something occurred to me, the sleeping arrangements. Taking a drink I decided, to take the spare room. I didn't want to even contemplate the alternative. Clean sheets or not it would be too weird taking Jack’s bed. Problem solved I relaxed and we sat in a more comfortable silence.

Then Jack started to fidget in his seat as he developed an unusual intense interest in his tea. The wind outside rattled the pains. I caught the smell of fresh cold air, the burning wood which crackled and snapped at it. The soft dull ring drew my eyes to his hands as he tapped the sides of the mug with his thumbs. All of these simple things mixed together and the few subtle differences fell away. "Jack" disappeared and there I was once again sitting with him. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and hastily got up.

"Somethin' wrong?"

"I'm fine," I answered after turning away and whipping my face dry. "Are you warm enough? Those jeans look wet. Maybe you should sit by the fire. Can I get you some more tea? Do you want a blanket?"

A little bombarded Jack blinked a few times before answering, "Um sure." As I left he got up and winced. His knee was acting up and I made a mental note to stop in the bathroom. When I returned with the blanket, Jack tried not to hobble the last steps to the couch. A prideful part of him didn't want to look too old.

"Thank you." He said and accepted the blanket. But he eyed me in confusion when I left for the kitchen. The reason for my departure wasn't clear until I returned with his tea. I put on the nearest table to him. Then without a word I also put down a bottle of pills from the bathroom by his tea.

They were prescription pain relievers and I’m sure he wondered what other pearls of information I obtained from snooping in the cabinet. As I decided to refill my tea, he checked the expiration date.

At his raised eyebrow I just shrugged and asked, "Got any cards?"

He started to get up. "Yeah let me-"

But I waved him to say and started to move towards the kitchen. "I’m up. I’ll get them, where are they?"

"Top drawer," He eased back onto the coach. Then opened the bottle appeared to pop two pills down before I returned with the well broken in cards.

After arranging the coffee table between us and pulling up my chair a little closer I asked with a smile. "So Jack, waddya wanna play?"

An hour passed and when Jack’s eyes began to struggle to keep open, I put the cards away. When I returned to the living area he was asleep. And I headed for the bathroom for a much needed shower. I thought everything was in control. But as I plopped my toiletry bag down on the edge of the tiny ancient pedestal sink it quickly found its way to the floor with a crash.

I sighed, closed my eyes and ran a shaky hand over my face. All I could do was stare at the mess of make-up, little shampoo bottles and other hygiene products. All of it scattered over the aged off white tiled floor. My vision soon blurred. Sucking a deep breath through my fingers, I swallowed hard. And my hands shook as I tried to pick up the mess. So hard I gave up, collected only what I needed. Then started the shower and stripped.

It had been only two nights since I arrived in St. Paul. And last night to say the least had been roughest. I thanked my lucky stars. That something important had come up this morning forcing Jack to reschedule to three. What it was he didn’t specify. He sounded frustrated but at the same time a bit amused. I wondered what had happened but was more grateful he wasn’t upset about my tardiness. I didn't like the fact that I had almost stood him up due to sleeping in. Well at least that was the PG version of it.

The fact that Jack's phone call on my cell had woken me up from a stranger's arms was bad enough. All I could say about the man I met at the bar was we enjoyed one another's company and conversation. As we both got very drunk. But with the man it hadn't taken much. Never in my life have I seen such a light weight.

But that didn't seem to matter when he touched me. And I felt the mutual yearning for comfort. We both needed it. So we gave it to one another, a moment to tear at and yet cling to one another in a desperate attempt to burn our pain away.

I had seen it, the moment I had stepped into the bar. I knew the shattered fragments of grief, behind the intact panes of his glasses. Still after what I did last night and who I woke up beside this afternoon, the last person I wanted to see was Jack. Even though it had been almost a year since the death of my husband and my family, what I had done was completely out of character.

I fled the hotel shortly after Jack's call. And I had killed most of the time at a nearby gas station. Where I filled up and bought some water and pain relievers. Still even now every inch of my body hurt.

The soreness wasn’t entirely from the nameless man from The Clover. He had been a gentle lover much like my husband had been. No the pain was from something else. My body wanted more alcohol but I refused it. Ever since I had arrived to this reality I hadn’t done much. Nothing more than worked a dead end job and drank. The only remotely productive thing I had managed was painting on the side and hitting a punching bag to burn calories. After what happened last night, as nice as it was, it had opened my eyes.

Stepping into the warm water I could really smell the bar smoke, the man and a not so unpleasant shiver ran down my back remembering what we did when we got back to my hotel room. I frowned remembering how familiar he seemed. Who was he? Too late now but even so, a part of me still wanted to learn more about him.

Did he find my mother's necklace? Shampooing my hair, I hoped so. For I'd rather he had star sapphire pendent then an-absolute stranger. As soon as I realized it was missing I had called the hotel panicked. They looked for it but found nothing and said the man left when his friends came to collect him.

Appling the conditioner then washing up I tried to remember if he had mentioned his name during our time together at the bar. I was still kicking myself now for not peeking inside of his wallet when I had the chance.

With a sigh I finished rinsing off. "A shame about the timing, he was rather sweet."

I later emerged from the steamy bathroom in oversized gray sweats. At the thresh hold I also wrapped my night robe around myself and tied it tight. When I spotted Jack, he was still out like a light.

And you think you're old now? I said to myself and shook my head at what I saw. Arms and legs flung this way and that. He looked more like a kid. Yes his hair was gray but I knew for a fact the O'Neill's tended to turn early.

With care I tip toed closer and I wondered what I would be doing now. If I had just said I had dialed the wrong number. This holiday evening with Jack was more than I could ever ask for.

Chapter Seven:
(Jack)

I had made a good show of pretending to fall asleep. Still my knee was killing me. Yet if she was the one who broke into the library then I doubted those were really my pain relievers. And just to be extra safe I had only taken one sip of the tea. But she hadn’t made a move and went to shower instead, leaving me to wonder what to do about sleep. I checked the cabin’s phone. It was dead, so she was telling the truth. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t cut the line.

A part of me was getting the feeling she was hiding something but at the same time I also felt she wasn’t a threat. Then there was how she acted. At times she was nervous and at others completely at ease with me.

I wasn’t sure what to think. I had trouble thinking period. With yawn I glanced hopefully at the window. But it was obvious I would be still stuck here for the night at least. Rubbing my eyes I decided it was best to stay put on the couch. With a toasty fire, the wind howling outside and B.J. in the shower I soon drifted off.

But something had me returning to consciousness. I shifted but kept my eyes closed and wondered what the hell B.J. was doing standing so close over me. Even though my eyes were closed I could feel it. And in response, my body started to instinctively coil. I felt my muscles tensed up, in readiness for a possible attack.

Now I could simply just pretend to wake up and stop all of this drama but I was curious. What she was going to do? At the dull wooden clunking that came next had me jumping a bit. As she threw a few more logs onto the fire. I hid it by turning to my side. Facing the warmth and carefully cracking open my eyes. Her back was too me as she stood before the fire holding herself. Feeling my eyes upon her, she turned and I managed to close them in time to not get caught. I waited awhile then risked another look. She moved about slowly staring at photos and touching things. Without a sound as if she knew where every creaky board in the floor was. But it wasn’t long before I had to close my eyes again as she sensed my stare and walked till she stood over me once more.

The feel of a soft blanket being draped over my frame had me relaxing. At the sound of a bedroom door shutting, I opened my eyes to find her gone.

I didn’t know how long I slept after that. But it must have been the chill in the air which awoke me. Actually it was what the chill was doing to my knee. A look at the hearth bearing only glowing embers, confirmed it had been awhile. Besides the occasional crack from them, the cabin was other wise quiet. Outside the snow had stopped but now it was blowing about.

Glancing at my watch I slowly got up, snatched up the bottle and threw caution to the wind. I took three of them and downed the now cold tea before headed to the guest bedroom first. Guessing she had taken the master. Still I quietly opened the door in case I was wrong.

The covers had been thrown aside in restless sleep. And now she huddled in the middle of the bed shivering. Chivalry kicked in and carefully I pulled the tossed aside blankets and quilt back over her. As I drew them up, her face relaxed. Along with her frame as a small smile curled her slender lips.

Asleep, she at last looked her true age. The pain was now hidden by her closed eyes. Lines smoothed away in her sleeping face. She looked even younger with that jaded look of hers gone. And I was glade to see her relaxed for once. Still I frowned at the shadows under her eyes.

Little did I know of this woman and yet I found myself hoping she would find peace. It was none of my business but I also hoped she wasn't drinking too much. From experience I knew it was a crutch and a shaky one at that. I must have been standing there awhile thinking because her eyes opened partially. But instead of worry or suspicion they held only ease and absolute trust. And then she smiled, took my hand and gave it a squeeze before letting it go, mumbling something and turned to face the wall.

My heart did an odd little flip and confused as hell I went to bed. In my room I didn’t bother changing into something more comfortable. I was use to sleeping in my BDU’s from all the times camping off-world. And I had no problems sleeping in my civilian clothes either. But I couldn’t get back to sleep. So I just laid there on top of the covers and stared at the ceiling. That was until I heard her first scream.

Something about it had me jumping up and charging into her room before I could think about the consequences of it. She cried out again and started to thrash as I cautiously approached the bed. "Umm…B.J?" I cleared my throat. Feeling awkward and out of place as I finally reached her side.

She only sobbed in response and curled up tighter, a death grip on the pillow.

Rolling my eyes at convention I sat carefully on edge the bed and gently tapped her shoulder. "B.J.?" And with a wet sniff she abruptly abandoned the probably equally wet pillow, turned to face me and took me into a tight hug. I stiffened in surprise till I realized there was nothing romantic about the way she held onto me. It was a hold filled with yearning, fear and desperation. At a loss of words I just started babbling, "Whoa, easy there. It was just a bad dream. Everything is going to be okay."

I felt her shake her head, "no." As her muffled question came again and again. "All dead why?" At least I think that was what she said. She didn’t make much sense and I guessed her to still be out of it.

"Bad things just happen," was all I could think to say but that only brought on more sobs. I began rocking her while rubbing her back. When I tried to pull away a little she only tightened her grip.

"No!" Was all she managed before becoming incoherent again.

So I just held her. For how long, I don’t know. I continued to rock her again till her grip started to loosen and her sobs quieted down. When I was able to look down at her face, it confirmed she was about to drift back into a deeper sleep. "That’s it. Go back to sleep. You’re safe now."

"I am? Promise?" She asked groggily as I eased her back onto the pillow.

"Cross my heart. I won’t let anything happen." I assured and with a tissue cleaned away the remaining wetness on her face. The brunt of it taken by my now soaked T-shirt collar and shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she slurred sleepily.

"It's okay," I answered and watched her drift off. Next I covered her back up with the blankets, got up and returned to my room.

That morning pleasants smell woke me. A mix of coffee, bacon eggs and toast which meant one thing, a heavenly breakfast waited. I quickly got up, stomach growling.

"Goooood morning!" I smiled and could not help it deepen. At the site of her flipping an egg and stretching to pluck slices of bread from the toaster.

"Good morning to y-ouch!" She dropped the toast on the nearby plate. Then waved her hand about to cool her fingers.

"You okay?"

She blushed knowing it was more than her fingers I was worried about. "Yeah umm will you set the table for me please?"

"Sure," I headed to the cabinet containing the plates but paused at what I saw by the sink. Eyeing the empty vodka bottle I wondered how it got that way.

She didn't miss it and hesitantly met my eyes. "I dumped it, down the sink." At my skeptical look she just shrugged turned her attention back to the frying pan. When I steeped closer, to try to smell out the truth she smiled but added firmly. "Jack cut it out, I’m telling the truth. Go smell the sink."

Embarrassed I stepped back and blushed. But she just laughed, "I don't need it." Relief flooded me but I didn’t let it show. I opened the cabinet and pulled the plates out as she kept busy with not burning the eggs.

Chapter Eight:
(Bethany)

But I immediately forgot all about them when I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Good," He said quietly and gave it a short and comforting squeeze before letting me go. I swallowed back the tears and took my time to turn off the burner in order to hide them. They wouldn’t spoil this moment. There would be a time for them later. I shut away the panic. From knowing my time with him was fast coming to an end. Instead I choose to focus on soaking in as much joy from these few moments with him as possible.

All I came up with was wondering how Jack liked his eggs. He always liked them scrambled and without thinking that's how I prepared them. With a shrug I turned to the kitchen table and decided it didn't matter. And without much ceremony, I shoveled half onto Jack's plate and the rest onto mine. As Jack busied himself with the silver ware, I soaked the frying pan. Then he poured us two cups of coffee and set them on the table along with the plate of bacon.

So busy, I didn't notice Jack's pause. The puzzled look he gave which grew more suspicious by the second at what I was doing. When I turned from the refrigerator with the orange juice and strawberry jam I finally noticed and asked, "What is it?"

He blinked but then smiled and shrugged. "Nothing, just you seem to know your way around this kitchen."

Busted! I thought, paused then licked my lips a little. Knowing full well I probably looked guilty as hell. "It's a lot like the one my parents use to well…plus you seem to put things in places which make sense. Oh yeah almost forgot," I smiled changing the subject. "I called Steve." I pointed to the phone and added, "It works now. I told him what happened and he said he’ll be coming by to pick you up at eleven."

It worked. Jack nodded and the wariness disappeared from his eyes. We both relaxed, starting talking about trivial things again as we ate and waited for Steve to arrive.

Chapter Nine:
(Jack)

It was a day later when I returned to the cabin. I also had a plan and with any luck it would take care of two problems with one stroke. I only needed to play it just right. I put the truck into park and I went over in my mind on what I had to do as B.J. came out to greet us. The man who towed her Jeep didn’t waist anytime unloading it. After collecting his fee we stood there on the porch and watched the tow truck disappeared around the bend.

"You want some hot coco? Warm up before heading out?"

I took a deep breath, blew it out and I whispered, "Here we go." I then picked up the surprise and its supplies from by the door before answering, "Ah! So you found it?"

"You betcha I did. Nothing gets in the way of a woman on a mission for chocolate-even the powdered kind. By they way, how much snow did we get?" She inquired while getting me a cup.

"About six inches," I guessed distractedly. For the box in front of me began to wiggle the moment I put it down on the table.

Seeing it B.J. gave me the coco along with a curious look. "What’s in that?"

"Oh just a cat," I replied casually and accepted the mug. Taking a sip from it, I acted unconcerned as if I normally transported animals in that fashion.

"What’s it doing in a box? Gees Jack you should have at least poked a few holes in it." She was falling for it. Glaring at me too and I had force myself to keep a straight face.

"He’s a stray, found him tangled up in a bush last fall. Just three weeks old and since they couldn’t find the mother they hand raised him. He’s my sisters-was actually. Mine now but I don’t have time for a cat." I gave the box a little dismissive push across the table and sat down. It set off a flurry of action within. Tiny claws frantically scratched at the cardboard. Before it stopped and was replaced by pathetically sad meows. I pretended to ignore them and the semi-hostile look she gave me for doing so. On queue I added with a little sigh of regret, "I’m taking him to the shelter today."

Her eyes narrowed and I could once again see the gears working. Glancing at the box she hedged casually, "So you don’t want him?"

"Nope why? Do you?" I watched her just grin and open up the box to pull out the almost full grown cat. He was a squirming ball of gray fur in her arms at first. Till he calmed and big golden eyes blinked up at her. I watched hers water a little but then she swallowed them away. The cat just narrowed his and snuggled in content. The peace was short lived for it wasn’t long before he started to squirm again. Testily, he batted at one of her springy curls. She looked up blushed and whispered, "well if you don’t mind."

"Hey you’d be doing me a favor taking on that little terror," I joked but knew she had seen though my act almost immediately. I nodded to the one bag I had kept on the floor filled with cat stuff. "Well I guess you could use this stuff too."

"A favor huh?" She laughed softly, reached out took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "Thank you Jack, for everything," she then surprised me a quick hug.

I found myself blushing and grinning from ear to ear as she settled down across from me. We drank our coco and talked some more as she petted the cat. He was melting in her lap with a purr that was nearly drowning out our voices.

My phone kept vibrating every ten or so minutes in my pocket. It probably wasn’t urgent, since if it was it would be constantly ringing.

I gestured around us and asked, "So got any big plans after here?"

"I was thinking about painting."

"You want to be a full time artist?"

She hesitated before saying, "Yeah what do you think?"

Now why did she need my approval? I thought before answering carefully. "It doesn't matter what I think, it's your life. Do what makes you happy." I wanted to ask about her painting style but my phone had just started up again for the fifth time. And with a sigh I got up. "Well I better head off. I don’t want to wear out my welcome."

Sadness flashed over her features but she hid it well with a smile and reassured. "You’re not. Stay as long as you like."

It was tempting. We hadn’t known each other for very long and yet already I started to consider her a friend. So I offered instead, "I can stop by tomorrow for a little bit around noon, if that’s okay."

It helped and she was practically beaming with relief. "That would be fine." She rose with the limp cat in her arms and saw me to the door.

"Jack?" She asked as I was about to open it. I turned to her. And I could see that she wanted to tell me something. But then giving up, she just shook her head and mumbled, "Never mind."

"You sure?"

She looked about to spill but gave a shaky smile instead. "Yeah, it can wait until tomorrow."

"Okay tomorrow then," I hugged her goodbye. And it wasn’t until I was nearly back into the city when my phone rang again.

"About time," Daniel grumbled but then brightened. Falsely as he asked, "are you having fun with-"

"Get to the point and you should be talking."

"Fair enough, General Hammond got a hold of Walter."

"And?"

"And," Daniel dragged the word out. "Walter told him he doesn’t know a B.J. Sadler."

It was if he had dumped a bucket of ice water over me. Hell, I went numb. I slammed on the breaks and vaguely registered a blast from a horn behind me. That and Daniel asking, "Jack what was that? Everythi-"

"I’m fine," I answered and hung up on him. I turned the truck around as soon as traffic would allow and headed back to the cabin.

All I could think about was why did she lie to me about Walter? Did it mean what I thought it would? Was that what she was trying to tell me? What did she want from me? I had to find out. I would confront her about Sergeant Harriman.

It didn’t take long to get back to the cabin and not much longer to discover that she had vanished. The door was unlocked. Her Jeep, the cat and all her stuff was gone. Why did she leave so suddenly? I hadn’t a clue. At least until I found the note next to her still warm mug of coco. Along with the rent money and the cabin’s key on the kitchen table. It was short, filled with apologies and explained that a family emergency had come up.

Dumbly I stared at the letter, wondering if it was just another lie. Then it occurred to me that it didn’t matter. Because, I got the distinct feeling that I wasn’t going to see her for awhile, if ever and I was beginning feel silly for even suspecting her of being involved with the library.

She never pumped me for details involving my work. In fact she never brought the subject up. And if the kiddo wanted me dead, wouldn’t she have done it by now? Plus I liked her! All I knew for certain was what she told me. She wanted to stay at the cabin in order to decide what to do next with her life. And I sincerely hoped was she able to do that, along with finding some closure before being forced to leave. I was beginning to worry about her newest crises when my phone started ringing again.

Only this time it was nonstop. It wasn’t Daniel but instead General Hammond. I had to go. I pocketed the note with the money and locked up the cabin. I hid the key for Steve in one of the many hiding places outside. There were a lot more inside. Which my family used to hide things of sentimental value since the cabin sat unoccupied for most of the year.

Cabin secured I drove straight to the airport. Calling Karen on the way and explaining not too much beyond where Steve would find his truck. However at the airport an airman offered to return it while the other guided me to Daniel and Teal’c waiting for take-off on a chopper. Neither of them looked pleased especially Teal’c.

"Happy now," I shouted to be heard over the blades at Daniel as I climbed in and buckled up.

He grimaced and shouted back, "Actually no. I’d rather have some more free time. Spend some time at home, relaxing."

I smiled at Teal’c and shouted, "You here that? He wants to go home! Wonder what changed his mind?" Teal’c didn’t respond to the good news. He was too busy casting doubtful looks at the helicopter’s interior.

But that was okay because I felt at least for now everything was. Yes, things were getting back to normal-well my own brand of it. I wasn’t going to worry about B.J. possible involvement with the library anymore. I think I did the right thing and to try to help her.

And now I found my thoughts turning to another woman-to Sam. And I wasn’t sure where to begin or what to do about her. All I did know was eventually everything would work itself out in time in one way or another.

As our chopper took off, I was filled the regret that I didn’t know for certain what B.J. wanted to tell me. I could see it burning in her watery eyes, when I last saw her. It was important. And it had been there since the moment I met her. A secret which seemed only to grow in temptation to be told as time passed between us. What was it?

Suddenly her nightmare garbled words filled my mind. "All dead, why?" and I sucked in a breath at the odd thought that came next. What if that wasn't what she said? And why would she call me that?

But then I started putting all she said and did together. It gave me the shivers. Impossible, I forcibility told myself. Rubbing my face I tried to focus on the more pressing matters of the here and now.

Epilogue:
(Bethany)

I wanted to say just three words to Jack. "I love you." I wanted to shout them. But given the current situation I didn’t know if would be right to tell him the truth and barge into his life. I knew given the evidence he would believe me. And maybe even love me back the same way in time. Yet this was his place-his reality.

For now, it’s better this way. I reasoned when I left. But no matter what name he goes by Jonathan, Jack or...Dad, I will always love him. And that, at least for now is what remains unspoken between us that and so much more.

= = = = =

(What Bethany actually said was, "Oh Dad, why?")

To Be Continued by Book II of the Travelers Series entitled: Truth Be Spoken.

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