What Is Forgiveness All About?
By Woodrow Kroll
Forgiving has nothing to do with forgetting. Once you've forgiven, it's a good idea to forget. They aren't the same thing.
Forgiveness--it's a big concept and one we don't always understand very well. You're told to forgive and forget, to just let it go, or someone quotes the verse that says, "'Vengeance is Mine'...says the Lord" (Romans 12:19). When you've been hurt by the words or actions of another, or if you're the one who's inflicted the pain, what's forgiveness all about?
We get a lot of people who call and write us about this subject. Either they need to be forgiven or they simply need to forgive someone else. And I don't know any subject around which there seems to be more confusion than what the Bible teaches about forgiveness.
Now, let me take you right to the Word. Matthew, chapter 6, do you remember the Lord's Prayer? Well, of course you do. It goes something like this: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever" (Matthew 6:11-13).
Now that's the Lord's Prayer, but the very next verse goes on and says, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (vs. 14-15).
Now what I think that tells us, folks, is forgiveness is SO important that Jesus went into teaching us the model prayer--what we call the Lord's Prayer--and right out of it on the subject of forgiveness.
So let's start with the definition, what is forgiveness? Well, forgiveness is not what most people think it is; forgiveness, friends, is NOT asking God to forgive someone who has hurt you. That's not forgiveness. And while it's certainly commendable that you want God to forgive someone who has hurt you, that isn't forgiveness. Asking God to forgive them is not the same as YOU forgiving them. So forgiveness is not asking God to forgive someone.
Secondly, forgiveness is not an emotional response to being hurt. How easy it is for a nice person like you to say, "I forgive you." Jesus, on the cross, said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do," Luke 23:34. That's not an emotional response. That's not a response to the physical torture, the spiritual torture, the mental anguish. That was a statement of will. So forgiveness is NOT an emotional response to being hurt.
Forgiveness also is not simply shrugging off an offense. It's not just letting it slide; it's not remaining neutral when someone has wronged you. You may choose not to recognize that someone has done some wrong to you, but don't say that you've forgiven that person--you really haven't. Forgiveness is far more than doing nothing.
And forgiveness is not forgetting. How often you've heard, "To forgive is to forget." You know, "Forgive and forget." "If you didn't forget, you didn't really forgive." I know, you've said it and so have I. You know what? None of those statements is true. It is humanly impossible to blot out unwanted memories at will. Only God can truly say, "I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more," Jeremiah 31:34.
See, forgetting has nothing to do with forgiving. Once you have been forgiven, it's a good idea to forget, but they aren't the same. Time does not heal all wounds, friends. That's not in the Bible. You can't just forget about what happened and hope that the episode will never return. But once you do forgive, you will, on occasion, think about what happened to you. Now that doesn't mean you haven't been sincere. That doesn't mean that you haven't forgiven. It means that the mind God gave you is still functioning.
So we're thinking about the things that forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not forgetting. It's not just shrugging off an offense. And number five, forgiveness is not rationalizing why the person offended you. It's not trying to figure out why someone acted the way they did and come to some conclusion that you excuse their actions because of what you assume was their motive. Now why they did what they did is irrelevant to you. And it's also irrelevant to your forgiveness. Rationalizing a reason isn't forgiveness.
Okay, so if those are the things forgiveness is NOT, what then IS forgiveness? Well, ordinarily when I want to know what a word means I go to my trusty Webster's Dictionary and this is what Webster has to say. He says, "To forgive is to give up all claim to punish or exact penalty for an offense, to cancel a debt."
You know, actually, I kind of like that--I think that's a very biblical definition of what forgiveness is. It's to give up all claim to punish or exact penalty for an offense. Someone does something to you, when you give up the claim to punish them because of what they've done to you that is forgiveness. Canceling their debt, that is forgiveness. Listen to the words of Jesus. Matthew, chapter 18, at verse 23, Jesus said:
"Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.'
"Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But the servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me. I will pay you all.' And he would not, but went and threw him into prison until he should pay his debt.
"So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
Hey, that's a hard story, isn't it? But it comes from the lips of Jesus. You see, forgiveness is a choice. The master chose to forgive the servant, but the servant did not choose to forgive the other servant. Forgiveness is a choice; it's a decisive act of your will. It's a choice to cancel a debt from someone who still owes you that debt. It's like taking an accounts receivable book and throwing it into the ocean--you cancel all the obligations on it. It's like making a list of all that people owe you, you go down over that list, you cross out each offense, you cancel it, you forgive it. That's forgiveness, friends. That's what forgiveness means. It is the conscious choice that you make to cancel the debts that others owe to you.
Supposing I offend you in something I say here in the broadcast. Maybe it's something I taught from God's Word that you didn't agree with theologically. Maybe it's the way I said it. Maybe it's my accent, something different from yours. Ah, I tell you, there's just no limit to the ways I could offend people. Well, whatever it is, you have been offended. You put me in prison, your own private debtor's prison. You may even write to me and tell me how foolish I was, how much I offended you. And I may write and ask you for your forgiveness. But unless YOU can release ME from that debt, you can't forgive me. Forgiveness is releasing someone from a debt. And as long as we cannot forgive one another, we cannot FREE one another.
Now tomorrow on this broadcast, we're going to talk about the role of repentance in forgiving a debt. But remember that YOU can choose to forgive a debt at any time. You don't need to wait for an apology. In fact, you may never get an apology. So don't be held hostage to another person's inability to apologize to you. Forgiveness is YOUR choice.
When Jesus was hanging on the cross, do you remember what He said? Among those words that came from the lips of our Savior were these, "Father, forgive them." Now did Jesus say, "Father, forgive them," because the crowd suddenly got down on their knees and apologized for crucifying Him? Not on your life, He was simply forgiving them. He was voluntarily releasing them from a debt. That, my friends, is forgiveness. That's what it's all about.
Now, I've defined forgiveness--the voluntary releasing of a debt from another person. Let's think a minute about why forgiveness is so important for you and me. I think forgiveness is important because God views our relationships with each other as vital. You know the way we treat one another is like a rain gauge--it shows us our relationship with the Father. Listen to this, Matthew 25, verse 40, "inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you have done it unto Me."
You see, to be forgiving folks, to be at odds with a fellow believer or anyone else, that brings twofold consequences. Number one, we're at odds with our brother or our neighbor or whomever. And number two, we are therefore at odds with Jesus--"inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you have done it unto Me." So our relationship with God is at stake here and our ability to forgive one another.
Secondly, forgiveness is important because God wants us to be in a right relationship with Him. And to be in a right relationship with God we have to be in a right relationship with our brothers and our sisters. "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar," Jesus said, "and there remember that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." That's Matthew, chapter 5, verses 23 and 24.
You know the point of that passage? The point is we cannot be right before God until we are right before our fellow man. Reconciliation means to be at peace with someone and a broken relationship can so contaminate us that we can't possibly be at peace with God. Our relationship with others jeopardizes being at peace with God. To stabilize our relationship with God then, we have to first stabilize our relationship with the one who has offended us. 1 John, chapter 4, verse 20, "If someone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?"
Now you see why forgiveness is so important. It's important because our relationship with others helps to determine our relationship with God. That's why we're taking a whole week this week to talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness is important because God views our relationships with others as vital, and it's important because He wants our relationship to be right with Him and it can't be until it's right with others.
But you know, forgiveness is also important because God wants our service to Him to be acceptable, to be rewardable. And if we have not forgiven someone we cannot serve God acceptably.
Remember the priests in the Old Testament? The high priest could not bring the sacrifice to the altar if he had touched a dead carcass. Not because he was no longer the high priest, but because he had become ceremonially unclean. Oh, he could have gone through the motions, but God would not accept the sacrifice. You know, my friend, I think the same thing is true for us today. Any who serve the Lord God today, but harbor an unforgiving spirit toward a brother, they serve but they can't be rewarded. We can only be fit for service if we have first reconciled ourselves to one another.
Well, the Bible has a lot to say about why forgiveness is important to us. Forgiveness is a tricky thing. We always want to receive it but we never want to give it, do we? But if Jesus can forgive me and my sin there isn't anything you can do to me that I can't forgive you for. I mean, after all, my sin before God was so much greater than anything, any sin that can come against me and my responsibility is to forgive.
It's not just an emotion. It's not just a rationalization. It's not just forgetting. I'm responsible to cancel a debt, to release one who has sinned against me from the penalty of that sin. Vengeance, retaliation, an unforgiving spirit, ah folks, all these are to be forgiven by the one who has forgiven us.
So what do you say? Isn't it time we all became a little more forgiving than we are today? Isn't there someone whose debt YOU should cancel today? Whether they come to you or not, isn't it time you freed them from that debt? See, forgiveness is a decisive act of the WILL, your will. When the crowd was at its worst, crying, "Crucify Him, crucify Him," Jesus was at His best, praying, "Father, forgive them." Let's be at our best, too.
By Woodrow Kroll
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