The Discipline Of Forgiveness
By Woodrow Kroll
Luke 15
Today, we open the pages of Luke's Gospel to take another look at this well-known parable; and this time we want to see what the prodigal, his father, and his older brother have to teach us about the essential spiritual discipline of forgiveness. Each of them illustrates a different dimension of the issue, and they put a face to things we need to do in order to exercise forgiveness in our own lives today. So, even if you think you've heard this story before, stay with us as we take another look at this familiar portion of God's Word.
Why do you suppose it's so hard for us to forgive? Oh, I wish I knew. Forgiveness is a discipline and it's one of the most difficult for any of us to exercise, and maybe it's because forgiveness opens us up. It makes us vulnerable; maybe it even goes against our grain. But, we can never be like Christ, my friends, until we're schooled in the discipline of forgiveness.
Now, there's a delightful story in the Gospel of Luke. We're limiting ourselves, we're disciplining ourselves to the Gospel of Luke this week, looking at the Gospel of Luke to teach us lessons about the disciplines of life. And I think the greatest passage in all the Bible, and certainly in the Gospel of Luke, to teach us the discipline of forgiveness, is the story of the prodigal son in Luke, chapter 15.
Luke 15:11, "Then He," that's Jesus, "Then He said: 'A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, "Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me." So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
"'But when he came to himself, he said, "How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.'"'"
Now, I want to stop there in the story because there are three faces in this story, three characters in this story; there's the younger son, and then the father, and then the older son. And the three faces show us the three faces of discipline. The younger son's face is the face of a man with a need for forgiveness. He needed to discipline himself to come back home and ask for forgiveness. The second face is the face of a father, the father who had learned the discipline of how to forgive. His father was hurt deeply, and yet he learned how to forgive the son who hurt him. And the third face is the face of the older son, a man who had not learned the discipline of forgiveness. And by the time we get to the end of the story, friends, we're going to see that two people in this story are happy, and one is very sad. And the one who is very sad is the one who failed to exercise the discipline of forgiveness. You see, forgiveness really is a discipline. It's something we have to bring ourselves to do.
Now the story again--a younger son says to his father, "Father, I want everything I have coming to me." And by that, he meant his inheritance. I know what the father should have given him and so do you. But, nonetheless, the father was very kind and very gracious to this disobedient young man, arrogant young man. He gave him a portion of his inheritance. And then the young boy left immediately; showed his father how very much he appreciated him by leaving home, and he went to a far country. Now, it doesn't tell us where that far country is, but we know it wasn't across the street, it wasn't the neighboring country. This young man wanted to get as far away from home as he could possibly get. Now, here's a man who needed discipline. But what he really needs is the discipline of forgiveness, he just doesn't even know it yet.
Isn't it interesting that when he gets to the far country he quickly spends everything his father gave him in his inheritance? He's not used to handling money, so he doesn't know what to do with it, and the end result is he has a lot of friends, he has a lot of fun, there are a lot of frills in his life. And then God brings a famine, and when the famine comes, the friends are gone, the fun is gone, the frills are gone, everything is gone. This famine takes everything from him.
So, rather than discipline himself to go back home, he says, "I don't need my father. I'll just get a job here." So, he joins himself to a citizen of that far away country. And, ironically, this citizen sends him into the fields to feed swine, and after feeding the pigs for a few days, the boy finally comes to himself, and he says, "This is really nuts. I mean, here I am, hungry, feeding pigs and my father has day servants, people he just hires off the corner to come in and help him for a day--hired servants who have bread enough and to spare. This is crazy. I am going home. I am a man who has a need for forgiveness." And finally, the undisciplined son disciplines himself enough to know that he has a need for forgiveness. That's the first face of the three faces of discipline; a man who has a need for forgiveness and becomes disciplined enough to know that he has to ask for it.
Now let's look at face number two. Face number two is the father, of course, and this is a man who has learned the discipline of forgiveness. We pick up the story in verse 20. "And he arose," that's the young man, "And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' And they began to be merry."
Now, this is quite a story. The father is a man who'd learned the discipline of forgiveness. The son comes home. He says to his father, "Father, I've sinned against heaven and your sight. I'm no longer worthy to be called your son." Now, remember that the boy purposed in his heart when he was thinking this over in the distant country. He thought, "I'm going to say to my father, 'I've sinned against heaven and your sight. I'm no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me as one of your hired servants.'" But, did you notice when he got home he never got the last part in? He never said, "Make me like one of your hired servants," because the father interrupted his confession with forgiveness. What a story this is!
See, the father didn't set up any prerequisites for the son coming home. Notice the father was looking for him (verse 20). The father had compassion on him. The father ran and fell on his neck and kissed him, gave him a great big old bear hug, because this is a man who had learned the discipline of forgiveness. Now I want you to see in the actions of the father some lessons that we need to learn about being disciplined, and about forgiving. The first one is that exercising the discipline of forgiveness liberates not only the person who needs to be forgiven, but also the person who forgives.
There's an old story about a king who had suffered much from his rebellious subjects, and one day all of these subjects surrendered their arms, they laid them down at the feet of the king, they threw themselves down at the feet of the king and they begged for his mercy. And so the king, who had learned the discipline of forgiveness, pardoned them all. And one of the king's friends said, "Didn't you say that every rebel should die?" The king said, "Yes, I did, but I don't see any rebels here."
You see, both the king and his subjects were liberated by forgiveness. Both the younger son and the father were liberated by the younger son recognizing his need for forgiveness, and the father learning the discipline of forgiveness. Exercising the discipline of forgiveness liberates two people--you who are doing the forgiving and the one who needs the forgiveness.
But, secondly, learn this lesson; exercising the discipline of forgiveness reconciles two people. Here's the father and the son. They're in the arms of one another now. They who once were estranged are now together by the bond of forgiveness. You know, we've seen that happen in history, haven't we?
Do you remember in 1963 when Governor George Wallace, governor of Alabama, literally stood in the door of the University of Alabama? He prevented Vivian Malone Jones, a black woman, from enrolling as a student. It was 1963. In 1996, 33 years later, George Wallace awarded Jones the first Lurleen B. Wallace Award of Courage. That award is named, by the way, in honor or Wallace's wife, and it recognizes women who have made outstanding contributions to the state of Alabama. See, George Wallace publicly apologized to Jones for the 1963 controversy. And, you know what? Vivian Jones forgave George Wallace.
Do you know what forgiveness does? Those who have learned the discipline of forgiveness, exercising the discipline of forgiveness reconciles people. It brings them together. It did the father and the son in Luke, chapter 15. It can do you, my friend, and your son or your daughter, it can reconcile you.
And then, thirdly, notice this lesson; exercising forgiveness breaks the cycle of sin. It was Dag Hammerskjold who once said, "Forgiveness breaks the chain of causality. Because He forgives you out of love, takes upon Himself the consequences of what you have done. Forgiveness, therefore, always entails a sacrifice." You know what the father sacrificed in Luke, chapter 15, to forgive his son? He sacrificed those little words that mean so much to us, "I told you so." He sacrificed being glum. He sacrificed that sneer that he could give his son when his son came home. He sacrificed all that because of love. Exercising the discipline of forgiveness breaks the cycle of sin. It's one of the disciplines of life, friends, that you and I need to learn, and we need to learn it desperately. Now, I said there are some lessons to be learned from the way the father treated his younger son. Exercising the discipline of forgiveness liberates, it reconciles, it breaks the cycle of sin.
But, fourthly, exercising the discipline of forgiveness changes the future. Somebody has said, "When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future." The future for this young son who ran away from home is now. He's going to be at home forever. See, the younger son, the man with the face who needed forgiveness, encountered the father, the man with the face who had learned the discipline of forgiveness, and now they're liberated. Now, they're reconciled. Now, the cycle of sin is broken. Now, their future is very bright, indeed.
Well, we've now looked at verse 11 through verse 24. Don't you wish the story ended here? I mean, this would be a great, great story about forgiveness if it ended here. But it's a great story about the lack of forgiveness when we continue. Look at verse 25. "Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.'"
"But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. So he answered and said to his father, 'Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.' And he said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.'"
It's really a tender story at the end here, isn't it? Your brother was dead, and was lost, and is found, but that didn't cut the mustard with this older son, because this older son represents the third face of discipline. The first face was the younger son, a man with a need for forgiveness. The second face was the father, a man who had learned the discipline of forgiveness. The third face now is the older brother, the older son, a man who had not learned the discipline of forgiveness.
Now I want us to learn some things about this older brother as well, about what it means when we have not learned how to discipline ourselves and give forgiveness to those who ask. I mean, obviously, the younger brother came home. He was in a mood for forgiveness. He was very repentant. He was worthy of forgiveness, and his father forgave him, but the older brother did not. So, what can we learn from this? Well, learn this my friend, that failing to exercise the discipline of forgiveness is always costly. But I want you to know, it costs you more than it costs the person you fail to forgive.
Hannah More once said that, "A Christian will find it cheaper to pardon than to resent. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." I think she's right. It costs us more to resent what a person does to us than it does to forgive them. Forgiveness is a discipline, but it is a delightful discipline. It's one of the disciplines of life. It's one of the disciplines that you and I need to learn, and this older brother, obviously, had not learned it. He was a man who had not learned the discipline of forgiveness, and he is the one who, in this case, found the lack of forgiveness to be the most costly discipline of all. Failing to exercise the discipline of forgiveness, my friends, really is costly, but it's most costly to us.
And then, secondly, learn this. Failing to exercise the discipline of forgiveness hurts the older brother more than it hurts the prodigal son. Now, I want you to think about this. As this story begins, it's the younger brother who's on the outside looking in. He leaves home, he goes to a far country, he wastes all that he has with prodigal living, and he's on the outside dreaming of being on the inside, but he sees his need for forgiveness and he comes home repentant, his tail between his legs! But, as the story ends, it's the older brother who's on the outside looking in. He won't even go into the house. He won't join in the celebration of the discipline of forgiveness.
See, failing to exercise the discipline of forgiveness always hurts us more than it hurts the person that we fail to forgive. Listen, folks, genuine forgiveness runs deep. It's not just a thin surface patch on a relationship. It's an interchange of heart toward the one who has offended us. I think too often we've extended forgiveness to other people only to discover that it covered over our resentment. The problem with this older son is, he never got past his resentment for this younger brother. And you know what? That takes discipline. It's one of the disciplines of life.
Yesterday we talked about the discipline of difficulty we have in dealing with the discipline of deprivation, having to do without things in our life. Hey, folks, that's a piece of cake compared to the discipline of forgiveness. Do you have somebody in your life you need to forgive today? A son or a daughter who's treated you poorly? Parents who never showed their love to you? A neighbor who's done something horrible to you? Somebody at church who spread a rumor about you?
Remember the three faces of discipline from Luke, chapter 15. One was the face of a man who needed forgiveness, one was the face of a man who had learned the discipline of forgiveness; and they are the happy ones in the story. And the final one was the face of a man who had not learned the discipline of forgiveness, and he's on the outside of the family looking in, very unhappy. The discipline of forgiveness is good. It's good for you, and it's good for everybody. But it's a discipline that has to be learned. Learn that discipline today.
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