Revenge Is Sweet
Title: Revenge Is Sweet
Author: Sass Chikamori
E-mail: [email protected]
Classification: Pure silliness; AUFAM FIC
Spoilers: None
Summary: Inspired by a prank Hugo told me his best friend played on him, saying that he was talking in his sleep. Also a slight interruption by Viper from Top Gun; he gets to find out about Lia�s latest promotion.
AN: This has no relation to the Highlander the Series episode of the same name.
DISCLAIMER: JAG and all its characters belong to Don Bellisario. Viper and Jester belong to the creators of Top Gun. Mention of Lt. James Curran, from the movie NAVY SEALS. No infringement intended. Any other characters you see belong to me, my fianc�e, or one of my JAGnik pals.
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JAG HEADQUARTERS
STAFF CONFERENCE ROOM
0915 EST/1415 ZULU
�As I�m sure most of you are aware, we have four Naval aviators and one Air Force aviator coming in for eight weeks of TDY,� RADM AJ Chegwidden said to all of us by way of greeting.
�Aviators, sir?� Harm spoke up. His face lit up like a Christmas tree, and I�m sure my expression was a duplicate of his. As former F-14 pilots, Harm and I both ate up any chance we had to be around other aviators.
�Yes, Commander, as a matter of fact, I believe several of you on staff know them,� the Admiral replied, hitting the intercom button on his phone. �Petty Officer Tiner, would you please show Captain Chikamori, Commander Summerall and Lieutenant Commanders Keeter and Burrows to the conference room, as well as Lieutenant Colonel O�Hara?�
Harm elbowed me. �What�s going on?�
�I have no idea,� I hissed back.
My cousins Lieutenant Colonel Sarah �Mac� MacKenzie, Lieutenant Colonel Lora �Rorie� Summerall, herself stationed at JAG on TDY, and Rorie�s sister, Lieutenant Commander Jessica B. McCaye, all glanced at me. I shrugged in response.
The door opened and Petty Officer Tiner came in, followed by four men in Navy whites and one in Air Force blues. �Sirs,� PO Tiner said, gesturing for them to walk toward the table.
As I watched the men in my family walk into the room, I immediately noticed something was wrong. My husband, Captain Hugo �Animal� Chikamori, was visibly agitated. Anyone else that didn�t know him as well would attribute it to the fact that his ship, the USS UNITED STATES, had just docked in Norfolk earlier that morning, and he was most likely tired. Having to share quarters with Metalman while his own were being upgraded certainly couldn�t have made him any cheerier. But as his wife and best friend, I could tell something else was at fault. The question is, what?
I glanced at the others. Rorie�s husband, Scott, looked irritated also. Metalman had his typical smirk on his face, so that told me nothing. Jess� fianc� Jack Keeter had an expression similar to Scott�s and my cousin Brendan looked angry, but, not knowing him that well, I wasn�t sure. The question still remained�what were they all angry about? My instincts said Metalman had something to do with it. Most likely he�d done something stupid to aggravate my husband again, but I couldn�t find out until after the meeting.
My uncle turned around and greeted the men. �Gentlemen, come in�have a seat, please. We were just about to start the morning staff meeting.�
Silence met Uncle AJ�s request. Knowing the men standing in front of him, my uncle knew it was an uncharacteristic silence. �What is going on here, Captain?� Uncle AJ demanded, addressing my husband, since he was the senior officer of the group.
Animal, fidgeting, looked down at the floor and mumbled. Now I knew there was something terribly wrong. My husband was a consummate professional and the perfect officer. He never tolerated insubordination or disrespect from those below him in rank nor did he treat those above him in a manner that was less than of the utmost respect. Never in all the years my husband had been in and out of the JAG offices had he ever acted like this around Uncle AJ. Rorie, who was sitting beside me, poked me in the ribs. �What�s wrong with Animal, Lia?� she whispered.
�I have no idea,� I whispered back.
Uncle AJ glared at my husband. �I�m sorry, Captain, I didn�t hear you. Would you care to repeat yourself?�
Lifting his head, my husband finally looked the Admiral in his eyes. �It�s personal, sir.�
�Not now it isn�t, Captain. You either explain what is wrong with you or��
I hastily interrupted Uncle AJ. �Sir, if you don�t mind, I have a suggestion.�
AJ turned towards me. �Well, Captain, let�s hear it,� he ordered gruffly.
�If you don�t mind, sir, could I speak with Captain Chikamori in your office for a moment?� I asked.
�Liandra, what on earth makes you think that will solve anything?� Uncle AJ muttered.
�Because, Uncle AJ,� I grinned, �he won�t fidget and tell ME that something�s personal. I guarantee I can get to the bottom of this for you.�
Uncle AJ nodded. �All right. You may have ten minutes. If you�re not back by then, I�m sending in a SEAL team,� he joked.
Rising from my chair, I motioned Hugo towards the connecting door to my uncle�s office. �Just make sure it�s Jamie Curran�s team, okay?� I replied with a laugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
INSIDE ADMIRAL CHEGWIDDEN�S OFFICE
�All right, sailor, out with it,� I said once my husband and I were alone.
�Really, honey, it�s nothing�� he began but I cut him off with an upraised hand.
�Don�t you dare stonewall me, Hugo. You heard me tell Uncle AJ I could get you to tell me what�s wrong, and you are going to tell me, or��
�Or what?� my husband asked, an evil grin forming on his face. �Or you�ll make me sleep on the couch indefinitely? Kick me out, tell me to go stay with Metalman?� Laughing, he stepped over to me and ran a finger down my cheek. �Sassy Belle, you and I both know you�d never do that.�
I swatted him in the chest. �Blast it�Uncle AJ meant what he said. I have no doubt in my mind that he�ll send SOMEONE in here after us if we�re not back in that conference room in a few minutes. Honey, I�m your wife, remember? I know you better than practically anyone. I am not blind; I saw the look on your face when you came in.� I reached out a hand and brushed his cheek. �Please tell me what�s wrong.�
Hugo sighed and sank into Uncle AJ�s chair. �It�s just a prank Metalman pulled on me, that�s all.�
�I don�t get it. Why are you this upset over some stupid thing that Phil has done?�
�It isn�t the fact that he played a joke on me; it�s the joke itself that made me angry,� Hugo replied, reaching up to pull me into his embrace.
I leaned my head down onto his shoulder. �Go on, tell me the rest.�
�OK�but I�m warning you�you asked to hear it. You know that my room on the STATES is being refurbished, right?�
�Uh-huh,� I murmured.
�And I�m having to bunk with Metalman, right?�
�Yeah, so what�s wrong with that? You two were roomies at the Academy, weren�t you?�
�Simply being roommates isn�t the problem. After we got up this morning, Phil began teasing me about talking in my sleep. I shrugged it off as typical Metalman behavior, and went on about my business. Later we were both on the bridge, along with nearly all of VF-41, including Maverick, Goose, Iceman, Slider, Scott, Keeter, not to mention our special guest, former Top Gun instructor RADM Mike Metcalf.�
�Viper?� I squealed. �No way!�
�Oh, yes,� my husband moaned. �Metalman continued his hassling, absolutely insistent that I was talking in my sleep. So much that the guys bought it and started in, too. They were asking me what I said.�
�Well, honey, what did you say?� I asked him.
�That�s just it, I slept so soundly I don�t even recall dreaming, so if I did talk in my sleep, I have no idea what I might have said.�
�Ok, I�ll rephrase. What does Metalman say you said?�
Animal snorted. �He said I called out a woman�s name, and that it was not yours.�
I sat up and looked my husband straight in his mahogany eyes. �Don�t tell me��
Animal nodded. �Yes, honey. Phil claims I spoke Meg�s name in my sleep.�
�So that�s why Scott and Jack looked pissed at him, too.�
�Yeah, and your cousin Brendan, too. We gave him a ride out of Ramstein and he and I have gotten to know each other pretty well, I guess.�
I crawled out of his lap and took him by the hand. �Come on, let�s go. I�m going to teach Metalman it�s not nice to play a joke on the niece of a former SEAL.�
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STAFF CONFERENCE ROOM
I walked back into the conference room, holding hands with my husband, a smile on my face. Uncle AJ turned to me. �Well, Captain O�Hara, are you prepared to tell me what I want to hear?�
�Yes, sir, but I have a phone call to make first, if you don�t mind.�
�Go ahead,� he replied, gesturing toward the phone beside him.
I walked over to the table, still holding Animal�s left hand. I grinned at my husband. �Watch this,� I whispered to him as I picked up the phone and dialed the number to my husband�s office.
�VF-41, this is Petty Officer Trebalos,� the cheerful voice of Animal�s yeoman answered.
I smiled. �Leon, this is Captain O�Hara, over at JAG.�
�Captain, it�s good to hear from you again. Something I can do for you?� PO Trebalos replied, a smile in his own voice.
�Yeah, there is, Leon. Can you find CMDR Benton for me, please? I don�t care what she�s doing, get her on the phone ASAP.�
At this Leon stuttered. �Uh, ma�am, I�d love to oblige you, but CMDR Benton is doing a checkup flight with LCDR Mitchell and RADM Heatherly.�
I glanced over at Animal. �You didn�t tell me Jester was here!�
Turning back to my conversation with Leon, I said, �Fine�what about RADM Metcalf? Is he around anywhere?�
�Yes, ma�am, he�s right here. If you�ll hold on a moment, I�ll get him for you.�
There was a slight pause while Leon put me on hold, then a familiar voice came on the line. �Liandra, Mr. Trebalos here tells me you�re a Captain now,� my former instructor said.
�Yes, sir�I got promoted three months ago. It was a beautiful ceremony,� I replied warmly, smiling at my husband.
��Beautiful ceremony�?� Viper snorted. �With the SECNAV there? Liandra, have you been drinking?�
I burst out laughing. �No, sir. Let me explain. My promotion did not take place here in the JAG office. Uncle AJ said I could have the ceremony anywhere I wanted. Not only that, but, the SECNAV didn�t have to be the one to pin my eagles on me. I could also choose anyone for that, as well.�
�Uncle AJ?� Viper asked.
�Sorry, sir, force of habit. My boss told me I could have my promotion ceremony any way I wanted it.�
�What?� Viper stuttered. �Captain O�Hara, are you trying to tell me that AJ Chegwidden, the Judge Advocate General for the United States Navy, is your uncle?�
I grinned, beaming proudly at Uncle AJ. �Yes, sir, Admiral Metcalf. RADM AJ Chegwidden is my uncle�he�s one of my mother�s foster brothers.�
�And he pulled some strings for your promotion?�
�I don�t believe so, sir. Had I gone with my original choice, he probably would have had to, though. I wanted Uncle Matt there, but he�s still in Leavenworth��
Viper cut me off. �Matthew O�Hara is your uncle also?�
�Yes, sir. He�s not adopted, though. Mom�s records were opened a few years ago, and we found out that we�re O�Haras.�
�You have an impressive family tree, Captain,� Viper told me. �Now, finish telling me about your promotion. If you didn�t have the SECNAV do it at JAG, how did you accomplish it?�
�I was promoted in the middle of the Mediterranean Ocean, sir.�
�WHAT?� Viper yelled.
�Yes, sir. Above all, I wanted my husband present at my promotion to Captain, and since he was at sea at the time, I asked Uncle AJ if it would be possible to have the ceremony on board my husband�s carrier.�
�On board your husband�s carrier?� I could picture Viper shaking his head and I smiled again. �And which one would that be?�
�The UNITED STATES, Admiral.�
�Oh, no,� Viper moaned. �You ARE NOT married to Animal.�
I giggled. �Yes, sir, Admiral Metcalf. Captain Hugo Chikamori is my husband.�
�Do I even want to know how you two met?� he groaned.
�Actually, it was quite by accident, Viper. Now, no offense, sir, but do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?�
�Go on,� Viper said.
�Anyway, Uncle AJ had flights arranged for most of us on staff, because the majority of the top-level staff here are my family, and those that aren�t family are good friends. We flew out of Andrews after work that Friday afternoon and were on the deck of the STATES a few hours later. Oh, Viper, it was beautiful. The sun was about to set�the sky was this gorgeous pinkish gold color�all my friends and my husband in their dress whites.� I sighed at the memory. �Except for my jarhead cousins,� I amended, smiling at Mac and Rorie. �They wore their blues.�
�So who did the pinning?� Viper asked.
�The CAG,� I replied with a grin.
�WHAT???� Viper yelled for the second time in ten minutes. �You mean, the SECNAV let your husband��
�With all due respect, Admiral, the SECNAV had no choice but to let my husband formally promote me. I told Uncle AJ in no uncertain terms if my husband could not be a part of it, then I didn�t want the promotion.�
Viper groaned again. �Your callsign is certainly well deserved, Sass.�
�Oh, wait, the story�s not finished yet. You think the whole upper crust of the JAG staff flew all the way to the middle of the Mediterranean Ocean just to turn around and leave after ten minutes?� I snickered. �No way. We had a party! Animal had a few of the Black Aces do a fancy flyover after he pinned my eagles on, then after they landed, Animal and I went up with our wingmen for our own little bit of fun.�
�You�re joking?� Viper stammered.
�No, sir, I never joke when it comes to my husband, or flying. Unfortunately, Animal didn�t have the room for that many unexpected guests, so most everyone had to leave.�
�MOST everyone?� Viper questioned, and in my mind�s eye I could see him raising an eyebrow.
�Yeah. Uncle AJ let me stay behind, along with my cousins Rorie and Jessica, who have family aboard the ship, and my cousin Sarah and our friend Harm.�
Viper must have been drinking something, because I heard a choking sound. �Harm? Did you say �Harm�, as in Harm Rabb, Jr.?�
�Yes, sir,� I replied, puzzled.
�You work with Zapper?� Viper sounded flabbergasted.
�Yes, sir, but his callsign�s Hammer now, in honor of his father.�
�I�ve heard enough, Liandra. PO Trebalos said you wanted to talk with CMDR Benton. She�s through with her flight. I�ll hand her the phone.�
Another pause, then Kimber�s vivacious voice entered my ears. �Sass, long time no hear. What�s up, Captain?�
�Kimber, I�m sorry, but I have something to tell you. Are you sitting down?� I turned toward Animal and grinned evilly.
�Ok, Lia, I�m sitting. What is it?� Kimber asked, a tinge of worry in her voice. I really didn�t like hearing that tone to her voice, because she was my friend, but Metalman had to be taught a lesson.
�Um, Kimmie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but�Animal just came into my office a little while ago, and he told me something that I thought you should know.�
Across the room, Scott and Keeter were trying not to burst out laughing. Brendan discreetly elbowed them both, but the smirks on their faces didn�t go away entirely.
I went on with my conversation with Kimber. �You know that Animal�s quarters on the STATES are being refurbished, right? And that he�s having to share a room with Phil, right?�
�Yeah,� Kimber murmured.
�Gosh, Kim, I wish there was another way to say this, but�� I paused, and glared at Metalman. �Animal told me that he heard Phil talking in his sleep last night, calling out a woman�s name.� I sighed dramatically. �It wasn�t yours, Kimber.�
Harm and Mac were snickering, having figured out where I was going with this.
�Whose name was it?� Kimber asked slowly.
�Jordan Parker�s�, I replied solemnly.
�WHAT?� Kimber screeched, and I had to hold the phone away from my ear to save it from the explosion of expletives and high-pitched feminine screaming that essayed from the telephone receiver. Through all that yelling and cursing, one phrase was abundantly clear. �I�M GOING TO KILL HIM!!!!�
Quietly I replaced the receiver back onto the body of the phone. Half the JAG staff was dying of laughter, as well as Scott, Keeter, and my husband.
Phil�s face had turned a deathly white. I leaned over the conference table, until my nose was mere centimeters from his. �Don�t you ever, ever pull a stunt like that again, Lieutenant Commander, do you understand me?� I whispered so that only he heard. He nodded numbly.
Louder, so that everyone else could hear, I spat one word in Phil�s ashen face. �AMATEUR!�
THE END