MAN: IT'S PIZZA... FROM MR. PIZZA!
WOMAN: FLYING PIZZA?
MAN: WELL, MR. PIZZZA HAS CRUST THAT'S LIGHTER THAN AIR... HOW ELSE COULD YOU EXPLAIN FLYING PIZZA?
WOMAN: UFO ALIENS... THEY LOVE PIZZA FROM MR. PIZZZA, SO, THEY LOCKED THEIR TRACTOR BEAMS ON THE PIZZAS, AND ARE BRINGING THEM UP TO THEIR SHIPS!
MAN: GET REAL WOULD YA! ANYONE CAN GET MR. PIZZA BY CALLING NINE TWO OH SEVENTY-SEVEN SEVENTY...
WOMAN: EVEN THE ALIENS?
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SFX: UPBEAT PARTY MUSIC...
ANNCR: THE U OF Y IS ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR THE NINTH ANNUAL UNIVERSITY OF YELLOWKNIFE PARTY! LEARN ADVANCED COMMUNICATION SKILLS...
VOICE (SHOUTING): YO! OVER HERE!
ANNCR: STUDY MODERN TRIBAL RITUALS...
VOICE (KIND OF SLEAZY) WANNA DANCE?
ANNCR: AND DISCOVER THE PSYCHOLOGY OF GROUP SOCIAL EVENTS! VOICE: LET'S PAAAAAARRRRRRRTTTTY!
ANNCR: TUITION IS TWENTY DOLLARS, AND INCLUDES AN ALUMNI T-SHIRT! REGISTER AT SUTHERLAND'S DRUGS... BUT HURRY, CLASS SPACE IS LIMITED!
ANNCR 2: THE NINTH ANNUAL UNIVERSITY OF YELLOWKNIFE PARTY... SATURDAY JUNE TENTH AT THE ELKS HALL. SPONSORED BY THE CLARK BUILDER MALLETS.
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ANNCR (ALMOST WHISPERING): ANY SECOND THE EASTER BUNNY WILL COME HOPPING AROUND THE CORNER... THERE HE IS...
ANNCR (VERY LOUD): STOP... MR. BUNNY.
BUNNY (A BIT SKITTERISH): I'M LATE... LATE!
ANNCR (NORMAL TONE): NOT SO FAST. ARE YOU THE EASTER BUNNY?
BUNNY (ANXIOUSLY): I MUST HURRY I'M LATE!
ANNCR (SUSPICIOUSLY): WHERE ARE YOU GOING IN SUCH A HURRY?
BUNNY: EVERY YEAR I PICK UP EASTER FLOWERS AT FLOWERS BY CANDELITE... BUT NOW WORD HAS GOTTEN OUT ABOUT FLOWERS BY CANDELITE... I HAVE TO GET THERE FOR THE BEST SELECTION.
ANNCR (PERSISTENTLY): BUT ARE YOU THE EASTER BUNNY?
BUNNY: NAH.. THAT'S MY COUSIN. I'M MEETING HIM AT FLOWERS BY CANDELITE!
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MALE (VERY MELLOW): SOMEWHERE THERE'S A SIMPLE LIFE WAITING FOR ME! SOMEWHERE THERE IS PEACE AND QUIET. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE OVER THE RAINBOW! IT CAN BE RIGHT HERE... RIGHT NOW.
FEMALE: ENJOY THE SIMPLE LIFE... IN COMFORTABLE, CASUAL CLOTHING FROM PART TWO... AVAILABLE AT ANTHONY'S.
MALE (MELLOW): FRIENDS AND FAMILY. THAT'S THE SIMPLE LIFE.
FEMALE: CARDIGANS... WOOL SWEATERS... EVEN DRESSES... RELAXED DRESSING FROM PART TWO... AVAILABLE AT ANTHONY'S.
MALE (MELLOW): THE SMILE ON MY SON'S FACE WHEN I WAKE HIM...
FEMALE: PART TWO... RUGGED CLOTHING FOR THE SIMPLE LIFE. AVAILABLE AT ANTHONY'S IN THE FORTY EIGHTH STREET PLAZA.
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IN THE FALL ALL THE BEAR'S PACK UP THERE BELONGINGS AND MOVE INTO THEIR DEN... IT HAS OFTEN BEEN THOUGHT THAT BEAR'S HIBERNATE... SLEEP THE WINTER AWAY. NOW THE TRUTH IS OUT!! THE BEAR DEN IS NOW OPEN! THE BEAR DEN, FORMERLY CHECKERS, FEATURES TWO FEMALE EXOTIC DANCERS, DAILY, MONDAY TO SATURDAY WITH SATURDAY MATINEE SHOWINGS. THE BEAR DEN, YELLOWKNIFE'S NEWEST... AND ONLY... CLUB WHICH FEATURES EXOTIC DANCERS. THIS WINTER YOU COULD BE STUCK OUT IN THE COLD.. OR YOU COULD HIBERNATE WITH THE BEARS... IN THE BEAR DEN!
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ANNCR: NORTHWESTEL REMINDS YOU EVERYONE HAS A REASON TO CALL HOME THIS HOLIDAY SEASON:
SFX: KIDS IN BG... I WANT TO TALK TO GRANDMA FIRST.. NO ME ETC ETC...
GUY: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
OLDER WOMAN: TEDDY... YOU CALLED!
GUY: IT'S TED, MA... NO-ONE CALLS ME TEDDY ANYMORE!
OLDER WOMAN: O-K TEDDY. (PAUSE) WE LOVE THE PICTURES THE KIDS DREW! THOSE BOYS ARE GETTING SO BIG!
GUY: SPEAKING OF THE KIDS... THEY'RE ANXIOUS TO TALK TO YOU... HANG ON...
KID: MEWWY QWISTMAS GWAMMA...
END SFX
ANNCR: NORTHWESTEL LONG DISTANCE WILL KEEP YOU IN TOUCH! GIVE A GIFT EVERYONE CAN USE... NORTHWESTEL LONG DISTANCE GIFT CERTIFICATES.
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I SEE YOU! YOU'RE DRIVE AROUND THE BLOCK, AGAIN, TO GET A PARKING SPOT. THERE'S ONE... JUST KIDDING. SERIOUSLY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE CENTER SQUARE PARKADE? IT HAS A HANDY DOWNTOWN LOCATION, WITH DIRECT ACCESS TO THE CENTER SQUARE MALL, AND THE LIBRARY. IT'S OPEN MALL HOURS, AND IS INEXPENSIVE. THE CENTER SQUARE PARKADE, WITH HOURLY, DAILY, AND MONTHLY RATES. PLUS, IF YOU SIGN A TWELVE MONTH LEASE, YOU GET AN ADDITIONAL SIX MONTHS FREE. THE CENTER SQUARE PARKADE, ABOVE GROUND PARKING WITH OR WITHOUT PLUGS. ONLY SEVENTY FIVE CENTS AN HOUR, FIVE DOLLARS A DAY, OR FIFTY FIVE TO SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS A MONTH.
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IF YOU'RE THINKING OF DROPPING OUT, HOLD ON! YOU MAY NOT BE OPENING THE DOOR TO FREEDOM - YOU COULD BE SLAMMING IT ON YOUR FUTURE! IF YOU DROP OUT... THERE ARE NO CHOICES... MOST NEW JOBS NEED A HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION. NO MONEY... MOST HIGH SCHOOL DROP OUTS ONLY MAKE ENOUGH TO PAY FOR RENT AND GROCERIES! NO FREEDOM... ON A TIGHT BUDGET YOU MUST WATCH EVERY PENNY. AND THERE'S NO FUTURE! DROP OUTS ARE UNEMPLOYED ALMOST TWICE AS OFTEN AS GRADUATES. IF YOU'RE THINKING OF DROPPING OUT, TALK WITH SOMEONE! IF YOU SAY NO TO EDUCATION... YOU SAY NO TO YOUR FUTURE!
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IF YOU'RE THINKING OF QUITTING SCHOOL... THINK! IF YOU QUIT SCHOOL NOW, WHERE WILL YOU BE AT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR? A MINIMUM WAGE JOB?.. UNEMPLOYED?.. THE FACTS ARE YOU NEED A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA! WE LIVE IN A HIGH-TECH WORLD, AND MORE AND MORE JOBS REQUIRE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA. IF YOU WANT ADVANCEMENT... IF YOU WANT A GOOD JOB... YOU NEED AN EDUCATION. FINISHING SCHOOL NOW WILL BE EASIER THAN GOING BACK TO SCHOOL IN THREE YEARS, FIVE YEARS... OR EVEN TWENTY YEARS. REMEMBER... IT'S COOL TO STAY IN SCHOOL!
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I USED TO THINK QUITTING SCHOOL WAS THE SMARTEST THING I COULD DO... THEN I DID, AND FOUND OUT HOW DUMB I REALLY WAS! I HAD A JOB... 7-50 AN HOUR FOR WASHING DISHES... I WAS 16 AND ON TOP OF THE WORLD. BY THE TIME I WAS 20, AND MY FRIENDS WERE ALL AT COLLEGE, I GOT WORRIED... I'M 24... MAKING 8-50 AN HOUR WASHING DISHES PART TIME, AND GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL FULL TIME... MY CLASS MATES ARE NEARLY 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME... AND IT'S A LOT HARDER THAN IT WAS THE FIRST TIME... TAKE SOME ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE... STAY IN SCHOOL!
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HAVE YOU EVER BIT INTO ICE CREAM AND GOTTEN A BRAIN FREEZE SO BAD THAT YOU STUMBLED BLINDLY ONTO A ROCKET LAUNCH PAD... AND GOT SHOT TO THE MOON? NEITHER HAVE I... BUT I KEEP HOPING. ANYWAY, THE OTHER DAY I WAS AT VILLAGE REDDI MART... AND I HAD ONE OF THEIR FLAVOUR BURST CONES. I BIT INTO IT, AND GOT SUCH A BURST OF FLAVOUR... MY TASTE BUDS JUMPED RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH... GIMME MORE GIMME MORE THEY WERE SHOUTING... AS THEY WERE RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO STEAL MY CONE. I JUST HOPE WHEN YOU BITE INTO A FLAVOUR BURST CONE FROM VILLAGE REDDI MART YOUR TASTE BUDS ARE MORE BEHAVED THAN MINE. VILLAGE REDDI MART, ACROSS FROM MCDONALDS